I apologize for taking two years to update this, and also for the upcoming mistakes in the storyline. I just don't feel like taking the time read over the story and get everything right, so if something changes just ignore it and say whatever haha. My writing has definitely changed since I've last updated, and I'm not sure if you'll like it any better or any less. I hope you enjoy it in some way though. Alright, read on.
Something you should know, I'm sorry that you don't.
I woke up and Stacy wasn't in my room anymore. I could hear simple chatter and general kitchen sounds downstairs. I wasn't as freaked as I had been last night, but my anxiety was still around.
It's something I always have, anxious feelings about everything. I guess it's what makes me shy. I get out of bed and go to my closet, and grab a show box. In it, I have a bag that contains my stash. Right now, all I have in it is a vile of Xanax; a pill for anxiety. I swallow one with just my spit, the taste doesn't bother me. It'll take about an hour to kick in, but I can handle myself until then.
Downstairs my mom and my sister are eating breakfast, and they already set up a plate for me.
"Thanks you guys, I'm sorry I woke up a little late," I tell them.
"It's fine sweetie, I woke up early anyway. I got some oranges from the grocery store this morning and made fresh juice, so drink up, and eat up!" My mom explains.
I smile at her and continue to eat my toast, waffle, veggie bacon, and eggs. I don't eat meat. Once I'm finished, I go upstairs, skip my shower and just change into a soft Bob Marley v-neck and straight jeans that hang low. I look at myself in the mirror with detest, my features are never pleasing to me. My eyes are too big, and my cheeks are sort of sucked in; or maybe that's from last night. Either way, I look like shit today. My hair is kinda brown now, too, from being in the sun all summer long.
I hear the doorbell ring, and my heart skips a beat. My Bella is here. I run downstairs and open the door and hug her tight to me and then I kiss her softly. She's so beautiful, with her long brown hair and her little black floral jumper and floral pantyhose.
"Damn," I say, "You never fail to catch my breath. Just how do you do it, babe?"
She smiled that beautiful smile of hers at me and just shook her head. "Let's get to school." She says.
I grab my bag, say goodbye to my mom, and get into my car with Bella and Stacy. We drop off Stacy, and get to school.
"What was up yesterday? Are you feeling better now?" Bella asks me as we get out of the car.
"Ya, don't you worry about it. I'm great, Bella. Yesterday I just felt a little sick from the lunch at school." I hate lying, but I'm not prepared to drag her into my fucked up secrets. I could lose her, or hurt her or something… I just don't want to face that.
My Xanax starts kicking in, so I grab her hand and walk us to a bench. Her hand feels so little in my hand, and her warmth heats me up inside. I lean against her, feeling great, and she kisses my cheek.
"Maybe you shouldn't eat lunch here anymore." She advises. For a second I forgot what we had been talking about, but I remember.
"Ya, probably." I mumble. "Hey, I can't chill tonight. I have things I need to take care of. Is that okay?" I ask her, because we hang out every day.
She smiles and says, "It's fine, hun. I wanted to hang out with Edward, anyway."
"Hah, alright. I'll be thinking of you, babe." I promise her.
Right then, I could feel the pills full effect. I felt so great, like nothing could go wrong. I wasn't afraid of anything. The only thing I had to do, was make sure I don't fall over.
Edward comes up to us now, and Bella jumps up and hugs him. I was leaning on her, so at first I couldn't catch myself and I start falling towards the bench, but I grasp myself. I don't think anyone noticed.
They're talking about something, but I can't keep up. I look at Edward looking at Bella. He looks at her the way I do, and it scares me. What if she loves him instead? I know he loves her, or at least likes her. I'm not jealous, and can't really be worried right now. I just know he wants her, wants my first love. But who can blame him? Bella is everything wonderful.
The day goes on, I manage not to pass out in class, and by the end of school I'm still feeling pretty great. But it's not enough.
The reason I didn't want to hang out with Bella today is because I wanted to get really fucked up tonight. Jacob Black, a friend of mine in my band, is throwing a kickback right now, and I'm so down.
I kiss Bella goodbye, and she drives home with Edward. He smirks at me, but I blow it off. I trust my Bella. I know she trusts me, and she should because I would never lie to her. I know it's wrong to keep everything from her, but I can't lose her… I can't. But I have desires to satisfy.
I have a hundred bucks on me, and when I'm at his house there's this dude there with a backpack totally FILLED with drugs. I buy what I can.
2 grams of some really dank weed, you can see the THC all over it like it was dipped in sugar. So beautiful. That's $40. Then I buy a gram of cocaine. Another $40. Last thing I buy, 2 ecstasy pills. $20; and there goes all my money. I save it all, and everyone else smokes me out, gives me lines of K, and I'm still feeling the Xanax, too. Someone's snorting some e, and offers me half, so I snort that. Normally my nose would burn, but man I'm so fucked up right now, nothing hurts. Nothing matters.
I feel so fucking happy, like my life is perfect. I have a great girlfriend, a loving family, and drugs. God, how I fucking love drugs. Nothing can go wrong, never. I have tingles all over my body, and everything I touch is like an orgasm. I'm lying on the floor, chewing on some binky this chick gave me, and music is pumping, and I can feel the bass in my body and it feels so perfect. The lights go down, and there's this light show, and then someone starts giving me a massage, and the next thing I know I had fainted, just because it felt THAT fucking good, I was knocked into trance by the combination of how amazing everything was.
It's one AM, and my phone is vibrating. I missed the first call, but it starts ringing again. It's Bella, and I know that something must be wrong. I also know I don't sound sober.
"Hello?" I answer.
"Cloud? Are you okay?" She asks hurriedly.
"Eh, ya. Tired. What's up, something wrong?" I try my best to think straight, to have a normal conversation.
"Cloud, I need you to come over here. I need to talk to you, face to face. It's important… I don't think we can really… be together…" She explains to me.
"What?" I ask, but it sounded more like "Whyeeeht."
"I just need to talk to you about it. It's Edward…" Bella confesses.
That perfect, euphoric feeling is gone. I start trembling, and my mind is gone. Black spots start appearing, and that beautiful view of the world starts to spin into a gray hell. Suddenly the mixes of chemicals I have in me don't agree with each other, and I fall into some hole in my mind. Sort of like some fucked up drug-induced psychotic breakdown.
Kinda short, ya. But I hope you liked it? Just a little something to show you another part of Cloud. The next chapter will explain Bella's day and what happens on the phone. Also, a little hint to the next chapter. Xanax makes you forget certain parts, so you do things you have no control over. Hmmm, does that mean Cloud did something he'll regret? Haha.
Review! I love long reviews. :)