AN: It's been a while since I made a 3 Stooges fic, so I'm going to apologize in advance in case it turns out to be a disaster. I'm only introducing our heroes in the first chapter. The villain/situation won't be revealed until the next. Okay, now... deep breaths now... and here we go...
DISCLAIMER: Who the hell owns a Stooge, let alone 3? Huh? Tell me! Cuz I don't!
Del Lord High School. A place where the youth of today train to become the best and brightest hope for tomorrow. You've got the jocks, who will no doubt grace the fields of whatever sport their hearts desire the most and the preppy cheerleaders who go with them are sure to follow. The aspiring musicians and actors of the band and drama club, who will bring a melodious harmony into the souls of others as well as themselves. They've got the honor students with the greatest minds waiting to be found, the ROTC will surely serve its country well and the so-called outcasts draped in black and seriously misunderstood will one day find their purpose.
And then there's these three young men I know. Moses Howard, known by many as "Moe". Louis Fine, usually called "Larry". And Moe's younger brother Jerry. Strangely nicknamed "Curly". In their younger days, they looked a lot different than how I remember them now. Young Moe, before eventually growing his famous bowl haircut, displayed a regular combed back mane of jet black hair while Larry simply had a head of short orangey brown curls, which would eventually mature into the puffy Jewfro we've all come to adore. For young Jerry Howard, he was lucky to have a full head of smooth black hair like his brother before eventually shaving it off in the future. No matter the look, however, these three can master the art of disguise and save the day with nothing but their foolish bickering to bail them out.
My name is Ted Healy. With the wealth that was inherited to me, I use it to save the world on a daily basis by sending a team of well-trained individuals to take on global threats before they escalate. And these three young men were the ones I chose to do such a job. In retrospect, however, I can only think of one thing… what the hell was I thinking?
THE 3 STOOGES: BACK IN TRAINING
Los Angeles, California. Present Day.
Outside Del Lord High School, a group of young men surrounded a flagpole and hoisted their flag to the very top while giggling like the mischievous troublemakers they were. One of the boys, a blonde with a very shady appearance, looked up and saluted at his creation.
"See you boys later!" He chuckled.
Everyone in the group took turns teasing and eventually left for the building as the bell rang for class. At the top of the flagpole, teenagers Moe, Larry and Curly hung from their underpants and writhed in pain.
"Hey! Get us off from here!" Curly whined. "Moe, do something!"
"Do I look like I'm in a position to do something!?" Moe shot back. "Except maybe this, of course!" He then head-butt Curly to the side.
"You guys, stop squirming!" Larry complained. "You're only making things worse!"
"You've got a better idea to get us down from here!?" Moe elbowed his companion in the ribs.
"No…" Larry grunted.
Suddenly, Principal Jules White stepped out of the building and slowly approached the flagpole with a disappointed look on his face.
"Hey, look!" Curly pointed. "It's Principal White!"
"Howard! Fine! Howard!" White scolded as he lowered the three down. "What the hell are you doing hanging from there!? All this playing around has made you late for class! Again!"
"It's not our fault!" Larry said as he tucked his underpants back in. "It's that no-good punk Ricky!"
"I don't care! You three report to my office right now! I've had it up to here with your shenanigans!" He then grabbed Larry and Curly by the hair with one hand and Moe by the ear with another then led them into the building.
"I'm a victim of circumstance!" Curly pleaded as he was dragged away.
"You three have been a constant thorn in my side since your freshman year!" White scolded as the three young men sat across from his desk, their heads bowed in shame. "You're always disrupting class, showing up late to school and destroying school property!"
"Huh?" Curly scratched his head.
"Watch!" White reached into his desk and took out a lead pipe. He then leaned over to Curly and banged him on the head with the metal object.
"Ohhh!!!" Curly yelped as he rubbed his head.
"Look!" The principal displayed the enormous bend in the pipe. "What is that!? Huh!? What is that!? Can you explain this to me!? Can you!? That's not even humanly possible!"
"What are you doing with a pipe in your desk?" Larry asked.
"Whoa, I guess I don't know my own strength! Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk." Curly giggled.
"Shut up!" Moe smacked his brother in the back of the head. "We don't want to get in even more trouble with White than we already have!"
"And believe me, boys!" White grabbed the three by their shirts. "…You really don't!"
"Y-yes, M-Mr. White!" The three stuttered nervously.
"Now get to class!"
As the door slammed behind them, Moe, Larry and Curly found themselves slumping through the halls and over to their first period class. Once inside the classroom, they each handed their teacher a tardy slip as they took their seats one by one.
"Again?" Their teacher disappointingly shook her head as the rest of the class giggled.
"Yes." The 3 answered slowly. "Sorry, Ms. Shriver."
As their teacher went on, Larry settled into his desk and slowly turned his gaze to the corner of the room, where an attractive young woman took down her notes. Her smooth and shiny blonde hair, emerald green eyes and presence alone made the boy weak as he lost focus and slipped his elbow from the desk, causing his chin to break from his palm and slam into the hard surface.
"Larry?" Ms. Shriver directed everyone's attention to the embarrassed teen. "Are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah…" Larry fiddled with his jaw. "I'm fine! Go ahead, keep going! I'm listening! Napoleon, yeah!"
"I was talking about prom."
The class laughed at Larry as he buried is head in his arms when the blonde girl looked over to him empathetically.
"Anyways…" Ms. Shriver continued. "Be sure to cast in your votes for this year's king and queen. And don't do anything you'll soon regret, if you know what I mean. Prom is supposed to be safe, fun and above all, a night to remember. Now with all of that said and done, now we can go on about Napoleon. I know Larry is fidgeting with anticipation."
More classroom laughter aimed towards young Larry as Curly let off a high pitched giggle much to Moe's annoyance. A slap across the face and it was all over for him.
"Sorry, Moe! I couldn't help it!" The chubby one cowered. "Peer pressure! Ruff!"
"Down, Fido!" Moe slammed his fist on his brother's head.
Inside Principal White's office, Assistant Principal Vernon Dent walked in with two gentlemen behind him.
"Mr. White?" Dent started. "Mr. Ted Healy and Emil Sitka to see you, sir."
"Who?" White eyeballed the men.
"We haven't met formally, I'm afraid." A tall, 30 year old with smooth black hair said as he hung up his coat on the rack and shook the principal's hand. "My name is Ted Healy. This is my assistant, Emil Sitka."
"How do you do, sir?" An older man in his mid 40s with a silvery blonde mane shook the man's hand.
"Uhh…" Principal White glanced over to his assistant principal, who was just as confused as he was. "…What can I… do for you gentlemen?"
"I'll cut right to the chase, Mr. White." Healy said as he took a seat. "I run a special organization that trains young men into becoming special service agents in the fields of espionage, counterterrorism and law enforcement."
"What, kind of like a boot camp?"
"Yeah. Kind of like that." Healy grinned mischievously. "What we're looking for is a handful of some of your best, brightest and most athletic students in the school. We'd like to recruit some new men for the organization."
"What organization? I've never even heard of you people."
"Looks like we're doing a good job then, huh?" Emil winked at Healy.
"Listen, Mr. White, we all know these students need some kind of future if they're ever to succeed in life." Ted continued. "Our organization not only trains these young individuals to help better this world but will provide them with limitless opportunities to seize the life they choose, should they ever decide to quit the service."
"What sort of opportunities?" Dent asked.
"A fully paid college tuition upon their graduation from the training program."
"Access to any college or university they might want to attend." Emil added. "And not to mention a job saving the world on a daily basis and--"
"That's enough, Emil!" Ted stomped his foot on the man's shoe.
"Yes, sir!" He groaned.
"How do we know you're telling the truth?" White cracked his knuckles.
"And I suppose I have to take your word for it and assume that any college your men go to will have easy access just because they're in your program?"
"Judging by the generous checks I send them every year, I'd say so."
"Well then? Do I have your trust?"
"Uhh… I don't know. If I can just speak with Mr. Dent for a moment?" White got up from his seat and pulled Dent aside.
"What is it?" Vernon asked. "What's wrong?"
"I don't know. There's something screwy about all this."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's not everyday some guy in a suit walks in and says, 'Hi! I teach people how to shoot guns and save the world! Can I borrow some of your students? I'll give them college money and lots of candy!' I've never even heard of any of these guys before!"
"They seem pretty legit to me, Jules."
"If you don't mind, Mr. White." Healy interrupted. "I have other schools to visit."
"Uh-huh." The principal nodded. "And all this secrecy stuff? How do you know I'll keep quiet about it?"
"Because, Mr. White. I'm willing to give a generous donation to this school in exchange for your secrecy as well as the secrecy of your students. They are never to mention any of their assignments, where they're going and how they spend their time. World security is all about keeping secrets. I'm sure you can understand all that."
"Okay, let's just say I went ahead with all this. What about the parents of the students? They have the final say in whether or not their underage child can apply for this sort of thing."
"I agree. Which is why Emil and I will personally visit each family upon their registration. Do we have a deal?"
"I don't know…" White shook his head slowly.
"I'll tell you what. I'll give you a day to think about it. Emil and I will return tomorrow for your answer. Sound good to you?"
"Sure. Why not?"
"Think about it. But don't take too long. Time is a luxury I don't have. Let's go Emil."
And with that, the two men said their goodbyes and walked out of the room. Principal White sat back down at his desk and leaned back in his chair while Dent watched the two men drive away.
"I don't know, Dent." Jules grumbled. "As the school's principal, I'm obliged to look out for the well-being of my students. I can't risk having some crackpot billionaire hire a handful of my brightest students to save the world."
"You're absolutely right, sir." Dent nodded. "Maybe it isn't worth sending in the school's best."
An idea suddenly struck Principal White. A wide grin spread across his thin face as he turned to the file cabinet and took out a few files from the mid section. Flipping through the pages of the documents, his grin grew even wider.
"White, you're a genius!" He said to himself.
"If I'm right, this Ted Healy guy is desperate for new blood! I'm gonna give him the pick of the litter!"
"But what about--"
"Don't worry, Dent! I'll let them know tomorrow! First, we have to get our star students!"
As the two men left the room, three overfilled documents laid spread out across the desk. On the severely tagged manila folders were the names:
After the bell rang, the students hurdled out of their classes like cattle and headed for their next destination. Curly and Moe took to their lockers as Larry dreamily watched the girl of his dreams stop to chat with her girlfriends.
As Moe opened his locker door, a notebook fell out which prompted him to bend over and pick it up. After acquiring the textbooks he needed, Curly immediately slammed his locker shut and hit Moe across the face by accident.
"Hey!" Moe growled as he got up on his feet. "Watch what you're doing!"
"Oh, I'm sorry Moe!" Curly panicked. "I can't help it if my locker's right under yours!"
"It's all right, kid. Don't worry about it."
Then Moe executed a double locker slam on his brother by banging him in the stomach with Curly's, then a head shot by using his own.
Curly then wailed out in pain. "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh… look!"
He pointed out the damage inflicted upon Moe's locker door. Moe eyeballed the huge dent and attempted to tighten the loose screws but to no avail.
"Look what you did now!" Moe bonked his brother on the head. "Leave it to you to mess things up as always!"
"Yeah." A very surprised Curly nodded.
"We really gotta get that thing looked at."
"What, the locker or me?"
"Both." Moe then noticed Larry leaning against his locker as his mystery girl remained in place. "Oh, for the love of…"
"Ow!" Larry suddenly felt Moe yank him by the hair. "What did you do that for!?"
"You're doing it again!"
"You're daydreaming about Kari Lyza!"
"I can't help it, Moe! I'm in love!"
"No, you're in trouble! We're already in hot water with White and the last thing we need is a girl like that to distract you from your studies!"
"You see what I mean!? She's plagued you!"
"Yeah!" Curly chuckled. "She's got him in--"
Just then, a slim brunette girl with sapphire cat-like eyes pushed Curly out of the way and playfully wrapped her arms around Moe's neck.
"Hey, baby!" She kissed him on the cheek.
"Hee hee…" Moe let out a childish titter. "Hi, Amanda."
"I'm sorry I didn't call you last night, babe. I was just really tired from cheerleading practice. You can understand, right?"
"Oh, sure…" Moe coyly held her hand. "It's no problem."
"I can make it up for you at prom! That is… if you still wanna go with me, of course." She flirtingly blinked.
"No problem, angel!" Moe pecked the girl on the lips as Larry looked shyly backed away.
"I'll see you later, 'kay?" She then grabbed Larry by the chin playfully. "Bye-bye, Larry!"
"Uhh, bye…" He gave her a confused look.
Moe watched his girl walk off in practically the same daze as Larry but immediately snapped out of it to slap his friend across the face.
"Hey!" Larry rubbed his cheek.
"That's for making a move on my girl!" Moe scolded.
"I don't see why I can't get with Kari when you're always hanging around with Amanda!"
"That's because Amanda doesn't distract me!"
Curly then butt in. "Yeah and--"
"You shut up!" He knocked his brother away. "And second, you don't have a chance with a girl like Kari Lyza!"
"I could get her if I wanted!" Larry stood up for himself.
"Oh yeah? Turn around."
"Huh?" Larry almost had a heart attack as he saw Kari approaching him, flipping her blonde mane to the back.
"Hi, Larry." Kari smiled at the boy.
"Aah!" He backed into the lockers. "I mean… hello!"
"Listen, I was wondering if you could help me after school today during orchestra practice."
"Uhh…" Larry was now breathing heavily. "M-me? Well, I d-don't… k-know…"
"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry to bother you like this. It's just that you're really good with the violin and everything and I just thought you could give me a few pointers. But if you don't want to, I totally understand."
"I mean… no, I don't mind." He started to collect his cool. "Sure. Yeah, I'll help you out."
"Cool! Thanks, Lar! I'll see you after school!" She smiled as she flung her purse, accidentally knocking Curly into the wall head first.
As Kari left, Larry waved goodbye. "I'll see you after school, too!"
Moe then smacked him in the back of the head for that idiot response. "Yeah, that's the plan! Make her think you're a moron! Oh, wait! You are!"
"Hey, back off! You see that? She was checking me out! She even called me 'Lar'! I tell ya, Moe! She's the one for me!"
"Oh, get over it!"
"I'm serious! Our names even rhyme! Larry and Kari! It's like we were… destined to be together!"
"You keep this up and you'll be destined to meet the back of my hand!"
As the two bickered their way to their next class, Curly remained with his head buried deep within the wall of the building. He flailed his arms about trying to break free but was only wasting his time.
"Hey Moe! Hey Larry!" His muffled voice cried from within the cement wall. "Anybody!?… Ooh… I wonder where this leads to… oh, hi girls! One of you wanna give me a hand? No… no… no, wait! You don't understand! I'm stuck! I can't get out! Ow! No, please! Wait! Ow! Moe! Larry! Help me!"
A/N: Okay, it's not very Stooge-like just yet. After all, it's only the introduction. But I promise things will get better in the next few chapters.