Disney owns, I don't. I am weak and pitiful, and not worthy of being sued.


The Epic Struggle – Chapter 3

Rufus stared up into the cruel looking face as the evil lunch lady carried him over to the counter. Rufus knew he'd have to get away, before this mad woman could enact her plan to dispose of him. When Rufus felt the cutting board on his back, he knew he'd have to act fast.

"All right little one, just hold still for mommy, and she'll make this quick.." The lunch lady held Rufus down with one hand, reaching to the side with the other to grasp a rather large cleaver. The blade glinted faintly in the pale light, as she lifted the blade handily. She lined it up with the base of Rufus' throat, causing the naked mole rat to gulp when he felt it.

"All right little guy, hold still now..." The lunch lady lifted the meat cleaver, and brought it down perfectly where she had lined up, as she knew she would. With a satisfied sigh, she let Rufus go, and turned her attention to the cooking implements behind her. "Now, what would be the best way to cook you up? Maybe a nice fricassee..."

Rufus felt her let go, and brought his paws up to the empty spot where his head had been. After a moment of frantic searching, his head popped out from between his shoulders, giving a sigh of relief. He glanced over at the lunch lady, watching as went through various ways to cook him up, and knew he had to stop her. When he saw the olive oil on the counter, an idea quickly came to mind.

The lunch lady turned, holding a skillet in her hands. "All right then, let's..." her gaze shot to the now empty cutting board, and her eyes were wide, "where did you go?"

Beginning a frantic search, she looked everywhere for the little rodent, but could find him anywhere. That's when Rufus popped up from the other side of the room, in between a couple of cans of some unidentified substance. The naked mole rat waved a paw, smiling all the while. "Hnkk... hi!"

The lunch lady went right to attention before smiling. Slowly, she reached over, grabbing the cleaver from the counter, and began inching her way over. "All right little guy, come here. Mama Hall just wants to cook you up properly."

Rufus gave one last wave, and ducked back behind the cans, and the lunch lady moved quickly, crossing the room. She swept the cans to the side, looking hard for the little guy. "All right now, where'd you go?" Pushing a few more cans to the side, she started to get frustrated.

A loud crash behind her startled her, and she turned to see the freezer door open as a nearby chair hit the button, popping the door open. Rufus was on the floor, and when he looked over, he appeared startled as well. With a jolt, he bounded into the now open freezer.

The lunch lady just grinned, as she stalked over to the open door quickly. "I got you now you little... ahhhHHHH..."

About fifteen feet from the open door, her feet slid out from under her. Her arms pinwheeled in an attempt to maintain her balance, but that didn't stop her from sliding across the floor. Her feet caught the lips to the freezer, and with her momentum, she flew into the open freezer, crashing into the shelves.

Rufus, seeing his goal accomplished, ducked back out of the room and shut the freezer door behind him. Climbing up the fallen chair, he got to the freezer door lock, and slid the small pin into the socket, locking her in. He could hear her frantically pounding on the door now, but Rufus knew there was no way out for her. With a bit of a skip in his step, Rufus headed back to his humans in detention, satisfied that his work was done here.


Mr. Barkin was making his rounds the next morning, when he noticed Judith wasn't in the cafeteria kitchen, which was surprising because she was usually quite punctual. As he started looking around, his feet slid out from under him, and he fell to the floor with a thud. Glancing around, he noticed a slick trail of oil leading right to the freezer, and rising carefully, he made his way over to it. The door was locked, but he just pulled the pin and opened the door.

Judith Hall, Middleton High's cafeteria lady, was standing in the middle of the freezer, her arms crossed in front of her. He skin was blue, and she had a pair of icicles hanging from her nose that didn't even come loose, even with her chattering teeth. "Cheese and crackers woman, what happened to you?"

Judith was pulled out of the freezer like a frozen block, and Steve Barkin pulled her over to the ovens, turning them on and leaving the doors open. "Hold on, I'll go get you some blankets."

Judith Hall just stood there shivering, her mind on one thing only. "I'm gonna get that little rodent!"


Author's Notes – I'm trying to go for a cartoon feel with this, just plain ole against-the-laws-of-nature-and-reality fun, which is hard to translate outside a visual medium. Let me know if it works or not.