Disclaimer- Gosho Aoyama owns Detective Conan, I don't. Cade Maboroshi is mine, some of you may recognize him from other things I've done. Anybody who's read a reasonable cross-section of my work probably knew this was coming... This short rated G by the Motion Picture Association of America

An Unprofessional Opinion-- Kaitou Kid

Sorry it took me so long to get to this... life here's a little crazy, and you probably wouldn't believe half of what I have to deal with on a daily basis. Then again, given what I've heard about your body of work, maybe you would. Still not getting into it, or we'd be here all month.

Gotta ask, though... doesn't that Task Force of yours have profilers? They've actually been face to face with this guy, and can probably give you a better read. But you asked for my opinion, and I figure I owe it to you, if only for keeping me from throttling that last speaker. Swear to God, a man writes one book and he thinks he knows everything about police psychology? Bet nobody's ever tried to unload a nine into HIS head... Yeah, I'm getting off track again, aren't I?

Okay, I assume you're probably not using this for official purposes, since you went outside department channels for it, so it's written in my own informal style... I figured you wouldn't mind, given the sarcastic comments YOU were making during some of the presentations. Not that I don't agree with you. Ninety percent of these guys would only benefit from being forced to spend a month actually working with standard beat cops.

Anyway, we should do this again next year, if you can get to the conference again. That pub owner swears we did less damage to the bar than he usually gets during Wembley, and fights are pretty much the usual weekend entertainment there anyway. Or so I'm told. And some of the guys you skunked at the billiards table want a rematch. I think they're a bit miffed at losing to a high school student.

Subject- International Criminal Kaitou 1412, AKA Kaitou Kid, AKA Kid the Phantom Thief. (AKA several other colorful phrases, if the stories I've heard about Inspector Nakamori are right, but none of those are official.)

Subject is most likely an Asian Male (duh), aged 14 to 30. He's got to be out of middle school, at least, to have the mobility he does, especially late at night. And nobody over thirty moves like that, not even an acrobat. In addition, there's a lower limit as to how much younger you can appear, even with good makeup. It's unlikely Kid's natural appearance shows any signs of aging yet. Nakamori'd realize this too, if he let himself.

The Kid is incredibly intelligent, probably an IQ of at least 180 by the new Standard scale. Well into genius territory. At a guess, I'd say he's gifted with both electronic and mechanical engineering. He's likely a voracious reader, with wide interests. He's likely semi-fluent in English and can keep afloat in at least two or three other languages. A speed-reader, he's got an eidetic memory, able to retain vast amounts of information and disgorge it at will.

The subject also has a playful skepticism about authority and authority figures. Everything about the Kid's appearance is designed to subvert standard tropes and ideas on the categories of "thief" and "criminal." No overt hostility or distrust is apparent in his actions; in fact, he seems to have a surprising fondness for the people who attempt to arrest him. The rebellion is subtle, and certainly good-natured, but Kid's MO pretty much screams a refusal to be dictated to.

As a civilian, Kid is probably either a high school or college student, given the mobility and invisibility those two positions enjoy. Students are not considered full-fledged members of society yet, and tend to be ignored by those who aren't already primed to see them as disruptive. If he's in college, he's probably studying electrical engineering, fitting right in with a group known for playful and inventive pranks. His grades are likely good, above average, but not stellar. He's likely to be neither an under- nor over-achiever, though he probably WILL be class clown.

Also as a civilian, he's likely to show a marked distrust of authoritative organizations, while stubbornly evaluating authority figures on their personal merits. An office will get no respect that the office holder hasn't earned, and his teachers will no doubt have wildly different views of him, based on whether they've attempted to earn his respect, or simply demanded it by right of being his teacher.

(This attitude likely goes hand-in-hand with a certain interest in or fondness for American culture, where that attitude is more celebrated than in Japan. He's probably got a few American action movies, and a copy of the original version of Ocean's Eleven stashed away somewhere, if only to laugh at that last one.)

Kid's MO owes a great deal to stage magicians, and that air of confident control that borders on arrogance is probably also borrowed from there. Yeah, he's got a lot of confidence in his skills-- he has to, or he wouldn't go out. But the arrogance is probably a mask-- he's not likely to let over-confidence take him over. In his civilian life, it's probably barely noticeable, if at ALL. In fact, he may be somewhat hesitant on important issues. He's probably more likely to take physical risks than emotional ones, since physical risks are more easily handled and controlled. More than likely, he's an adrenaline junkie.

He likes poking things and people with sticks to see the reactions. Even when he's not Kid, he'll probably pick at people almost unconsciously, just trying to get a reaction. All performers are attention-starved on some level, and that's what Kid is-- a performer. He's one of those guys who eats up the spotlight, lives in it. Which means that what's out of the spotlight probably isn't welcoming. Or pretty.

Hakuba- a word of warning. DO NOT CORNER THIS GUY, not if you want a live body to prosecute. Non-violence seems to be pretty much a cornerstone of the Kid's philosophy, but some of those stunts... He's likely to risk anything to escape. There's a desperation there that is not going to take being arrested without doing everything he can to finish his goal. You can run him down, or catch him by surprise, but do not back him into a corner. He'll jump off a building rather than offer his wrists for the cuffs.

He's always smiling, and he never lashes out. Ever. That means one of two things-- either he's snarlier than a badger with PMS out of uniform, or he's damaged. Badly. Given that he's not just non-violent but actively risks his own freedom on occasion to protect other people from danger, I'm going to guess it's probably the latter. A jester's mask can be used to hide some very very nasty scars.

If I had to take a guess, (and that's what profiling is, educated guesses,) I'd guess that the Kid who disappeared eight years ago was this one's mentor. Friend, brother, father... Someone important. Probably the first Kid was injured or killed, hence his disappearance and the second Kid's stubborn non-violence, even in the face of bullets. And if he's refusing to hurt people, then he knows what happened to his predecessor, and he's out there anyway. Which indicates either a serious self-destructive streak, a goal that's more important than staying alive... or both.

He's obviously looking for something. His behavior is too methodical to be anything but a search pattern. It's anybody's guess what'll happen when he finds it, but my guess is that it won't be pretty. Again, you don't need this warning, but BE CAREFUL. Any man who has something he'd die for has something he'd kill for, if things fall together right. Even non-violent thieves. I don't think the police would be his targets. He likes you guys too much. But you might wind up being the leverage.

... Hakuba, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?