This story is really weird, and it's what you get when you mix Sasuke with Dora the Explorer. I'm always annoyed when Dora asks obvious questions or asks the audience to look for things when they're right behind her, so I decided to try to picture Sasuke's reaction to her. So if any of you like Dora the Explorer, although I doubt any of you do, and are offended by Sasuke cussing at her then don't read this. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or Dora the Explorer.
The Day Sasuke Met Dora the Explorer
Sasuke sniffled, stomping back to his house angrily. He had woken up with an extremely runny nose, a sore throat that felt like it was a cat's scratching post, and he had constant sneezing fits. And, being the stubborn Uchiha he is, he simply threw some medicine into his system and took off to meet for the mission.
As soon as Kakashi got there, four hours later might I add, he immediately realized what was wrong. He ordered Sasuke to go home and rest, and when Sasuke refused, he threatened that Sasuke would get no more missions or training for a month. That shut the young Uchiha up immediately.
"Damn that Kakashi, he knows what buttons to push to make anyone cooperate," Sasuke growled, unlocking his front door and stepping inside. "I just have a cold; I don't understand why it's such a big deal…" Pouring himself a cup of tea, he plopped down on the couch and turned on his rarely used TV. Lots of colorful images greeted his vision and he heard some person chanting "Dora Dora Dora the Explorer!" His eye twitched; he hated the show already.
"What kind of messed up show is this?" He reached for the remote to change the channel, but the batteries chose to run out at that moment and he didn't have anymore to replace them. Damn Murphy's Law…He considered turning the TV off, but since he was sick he wanted to watch something. Turning his attention back to the TV he realized that the opening song had ended and the show had already started. Now the screen showed a little Mexican girl and a blue monkey wearing…boots?
"Where can we find blueberries to make our blueberry pie?" The little blue monkey asked.
"Let's ask the map!" The girl answered, presenting her purple backpack which had a face. A colorful rainbow swirled in the background as the backpack sang "Backpack backpack!" over and over again. Once it was done singing, out flew a rolled up map with eyeballs and a mouth.
"What the heck?" Sasuke wondered aloud. The map was now fluttering around an opened up map. I thought he was supposed to be the map, not showing another one off.
"To get to the blueberry bush you have to cross the alligator filled moat, get past the troll under the bridge, and climb up the mountain!" Sasuke stared at the map with a weird look on his face.
"I'll tell you again! To get to the blueberry bush you have to cross the alligator filled moat, get past the troll under the bridge, and climb up the mountain!" Sasuke's eye twitched.
"One more time! To get to the blueberry bush you have to cross the alligator filled moat, get past the troll under the bridge, and climb up the mountain!"
"Why the hell did you need to repeat it three times?! We heard it perfectly the first time, thanks," Sasuke muttered, already growing irritated with the show. Dora and the monkey named Boots had now gotten to the alligator filled moat, and were trying to figure out how to get across it.
"How will we get across the moat?" Dora asked the audience. "Do you have an idea?"
"I don't know, maybe if you walked AROUND it!" Sasuke snapped. "I mean, the moat is tiny! Stop being lazy and asking us what to do, and just walk around it!"
"Good idea! We'll jump across the alligators' heads to get to the other side!" Dora said cheerfully.
"Are you deaf?! I didn't even say that!" To anyone watching him, Sasuke probably looked insane trying to get a little Mexican girl on a kid's TV show to answer him. "Ugh, fine! Be a show off and jump over the stupid alligator heads! Don't listen to me and take the easy way around."
"Jump with us over the alligators," Boots said. "Ready? Jump!" Sasuke watched with a blank look as the two jumped over all five alligator heads.
"Tell me, why the hell do you need the audience to jump with you? You're the ones in the show, not us! Do it yourself!" Deciding he needed a small break from the show, he dumped his empty tea cup in the sink and went to use the bathroom. By the time he got back, Dora had apparently already gotten past the troll under the bridge, and was just now leaving to find the mountain with the blueberry bush.
"Now we have to get up the mountain," They said, turning around to face the audience.
"But Dora, I don't see it!" Boots said with a worried look on his face. The mountain was looming behind them, in plain view.
"Me neither! Can you help us find it?" Dora asked.
"It's right behind you Dora!" Sasuke screamed at the TV. (I got that from an episode of Drake and Josh. ) Turning around, the two finally noticed it.
"There it is! Let's go!" Dora didn't even take two steps before she heard some weird laughter and stopped.
"Oh no, it's Swiper!" Boots exclaimed in horror. What the hell is a Swiper? Sasuke wondered.
"Where is Swiper?" Dora asked. "Can you help us find him?"
"He's popping up everywhere behind you! If you would just turn around for once, just once, you would see him!" Sasuke yelled, pointing madly at the fox behind them. Swiper finally stepped out in front of them, and Sasuke sighed in annoyance. These people can only see what's in plain view in front of them.
"We must stop Swiper! Everyone say Swiper, no swiping!"
"How in the world would just saying Swiper no swiping make the stupid fox back down?" Sasuke scoffed. Yet as Dora and Boots continuously chanted Swiper, no swiping, he started to give up.
"Oh man!" Swiper snapped his fingers, then took off. Sasuke stared in disgust as Dora and Boots did a little victory dance.
"Why did you run away, you dumb fox?" Sasuke screamed after Swiper. "How is a little Mexican girl and a monkey wearing boots gonna hurt you?! They can't even see anything right behind them!" Taking a deep breath, the Uchiha leaned back and tried to relax. I'm taking this show too seriously…
"Now we have to climb up the mountain to reach the blueberry bush. Will you climb with us?" Dora asked, turning towards the audience.
"No way in hell."
"Good!" Dora said cheerfully.
"Not good! I said no, damn it!"
Dora turned back to the mountain and started to climb it. "Lift your hand and grab onto the rock. Do the same with your other hand. Then, lift your feet and find some footholds. Good!"
"How do you expect me to climb with you when I have no mountain to climb?!" Sasuke growled, glaring at Dora. "What am I supposed to climb, the freaking wall?"
Two minutes later Dora was up the mountain, much to Sasuke's aggravation. "It only took you two minutes to get up! Mountain my ass, it's more like a hill!"
"We've finally reached the blueberry bush! Now we can take some blueberries back for our blueberry pie!" Boots cheered, dropping some of the blueberries into a bucket.
"Thanks for all your help!" Dora cheerfully told the audience. Dora and Boots then started singing and doing a little victory dance. Sasuke's eye twitched for the umpteenth time that day.
"What is your problem, Dora?! You decide to travel to a blueberry bush fifteen minutes away to get stupid blueberries for a stupid blueberry pie, when there's a market five minutes away from your house! I hope those blueberries are poisonous!" The Uchiha boy exploded. "And for the last time Dora, you're a freaking cartoon! We can't help you hop across alligators, make Swiper stop swiping, or climb up a mountain, so stop asking us too!"
Sasuke panted, a smirk spreading across his face. He felt quite good about himself. Until he heard Sakura's voice, that is.
"Sasuke-kun, what are you doing?" He jerked his head towards the door to see Kakashi, Naruto, and Sakura standing there with bags of what he assumed was medicine and food in their arms.
"Umm…how long were you guys standing there?" Sasuke's face was as red as the tomatoes he liked to eat.
"Ever since you started screaming at Dora asking her what her problem was," Naruto said. His face was red from trying to hold in laughter.
"Oh…" Sasuke looked down, trying to hide his embarrassment.
"I think your cold has gotten to your head, Sasuke. Why don't you go lie down and rest," Kakashi suggested, placing a hand on Sasuke's shoulder.
"Yeah, I think I'll do that," Sasuke muttered, turning and heading to his room. Glancing back, he saw Naruto rolling on the floor laughing, and Sakura was trying to suppress giggles. Kakashi was also chuckling. Those bastards…they don't understand how stressful that show can be! Stomping into his room and slamming the door shut, he flopped onto his bed and curled up under the covers. I'm just gonna forget that I ever met Dora the Explorer…With that thought, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep…
Or maybe a not so peaceful one. His dreams were filled with singing backpacks, talking maps, swiping foxes, and a monkey wearing boots and a little Mexican girl. After that, Sasuke never watched Dora the Explorer again.
Pretty weird, huh? Sucky ending too, I know. I don't think that it turned out that good, but I hope you all enjoyed it, and I would appreciate some reviews!