THE Party Fic
There's a Ninja on the Ceiling
Chapter 3: DDR
A/N: Why isn't Sasuke using the Sharingan against Lee? Lee uses taijutsu. (Sound of angry elitist fans typing up a list of how ignorant I am and how I shouldn't even be allowed to post my pathetic dribble that doesn't even (gasp) stick to cannon. If you can imagine.) He's also protected by Diplomatic Immunity, eh.
Sorry about the long wait.
Previously on THE Party Fic:
"It is time for our DDR duel!"
"YEAH! GO SASUKE-KUN!"
"Can't we talk about this?"
"Can't we talk about this?" Sasuke begged, holding onto the furniture as Lee dragged him forward, towards the DDR mats.
The door banged open, and Temari stormed in, pushing her way towards her brother. "Gaara, you little snot! You forgot your caffeine pills!"
Gaara gulped, grabbed Hinata's cup from her and drained it. Temari yanked it out of his hands. "Drinking? Gaara, you are in so much trouble!"
The other kids gasped. "Ooh, busted..."
Temari draped herself over her brother's shoulders. "Why didn't you invite me? For God's sake, I don't have any more of a social life than you do! Where's the founder of the feast?" she demanded of the other kids, looking around.
Sakura pushed Naruto forward. Temari grinned at him. Naruto blushed.
"Aw, Naruto has a crush on Fanny McGee!" shouted Kiba.
"Fanny McGee?" Temari asked, raising an eyebrow at him. She giggled. "Whatever... So, Naruto," she purred, wrapping her arms around his neck. Naruto gulped. "Can I come to your party?"
"O– of course," Naruto stuttered. Temari kissed him on the forehead.
"You're a doll. Where's the booze?"
Naruto pointed towards the kitchen. "Um... let me pour you some punch," he offered, running back for the kitchen, Sasuke at his side.
"Wait, our DDR–," Lee started. Temari's eyes lit up.
"You guys have DDR? Awesome," she said. "Who's playing?"
"Sasuke and Naruto are going to beat Lee!" Sakura explained.
"That'll be great," Temari laughed as Naruto handed her a cup with a shaking hand. "And to think I almost missed it! Gaara, this is why you need to talk to me more often,"
"You guys should call up Kankuro before we begin," Sasuke choked out.
"Yeah!" Ino exclaimed.
"Definitely," Hinata nodded.
"Good idea, Sasuke," Tenten said.
"I'll show you where the phone is, Temari-san," Sakura offered. The four younger girls lead her off, giggling.
"What's so funny?" Temari asked as she dialed the number.
"Is– is it true that," Tenten blushed. "Older guys,"
"You know, mature and all," Sakura added.
"Always carry some..." Hinata tapped her fingers together, "protection on them?"
"For sexual occasions?" Ino clarified.
"Maybe," Temari said, "But I don't know any mature older guys. How would I know?"
"Well," the girls giggled more, "Like, Kankuro-kun..."
Temari laughed out loud. "Mature? Kankuro? You girls really don't get out much, do you?"
"Anyway, Lee," Naruto said to the avid DDR player. "We can't go yet. Sasuke and I aren't drunk."
"You guys aren't drunk yet?" Lee asked, beginning to suspect treachery.
"What can I say?" Naruto shrugged nervously, pretending to take a sip of punch. "Squad 7 can hold our liquor!"
"How do we know you're drunk, Lee?" Sasuke asked. "How do we know that you aren't faking being wasted to get an unfair advantage?"
"Yes! Prove that you're smashed!" Naruto challenged, catching on quickly. "Go against... um..." Naruto cast around, looking for a poor unoccupied sucker to pit against Lee. "NEJI!"
"Whaddid I do?" Neji slurred, spinning around unsteadily on hearing his name.
"Won the booby prize," Sasuke muttered to himself as Lee dragged his confused teammate off to the DDR fields.
"Kankuro-kun, there's a party down at Naruto's... do you want to come? They've got DDR," Temari said enticingly to the phone. "And punch... good punch... What? Why not?"
"DDR Match, Round One: Ringo Starr versus Neji!" announced Kiba.
"FINE! Play with your stupid inflatable date!" Temari yelled angrily at the phone. "Ha! I don't think 'training' with Blow-up Wanda counts with your puppeting experience! Don't even, I know what you're doing! Have fun with your dolls!" She slammed the phone down. "He's not coming. Little social reject."
"All right, Hyuuga, pick your poison!" Lee exclaimed, jumping onto the dance mat excitedly.
"Very well, Lee, (by the way, I call you Lee no matter how macho I'm trying to sound, I don't suppose you could manage "Neji" instead of "Hyuuga"? Just thought I'd bring that up.) You asked for it," Neji growled, choosing his specialty DDR song.
Sasuke and Naruto nodded with satisfaction. Neji was damn good at DDR, and they figured that getting beat once would take Lee's steam away. And they were right, or they would have been, if Lee had lost.
"Looks like Ringo Starr's had a few," Tenten remarked to Naruto and Sasuke.
"No, Lee's Ringo Starr. Neji doesn't have a name... yet."
"Yeah, I know. Lee kicks butt drunk."
Naruto went pale. "You mean that," he pointed at Lee and his barely-visible feet. "That is Lee drunk?"
"You didn't know?" Tenten asked, mildly surprised. "Lee goes nuts when he gets some alcohol in him. He's unstoppable. I'm surprised Neji even agreed to this; he must have known there was no way he could win," and then she wandered off to freshen her drink, leaving Naruto and Sasuke staring at each other.
"We are so screwed."
"We need to do something."
With a thud caused by Neji dropping to his knees in defeat, the song ended and the audience burst into applause.
"Lee, that was AWESOME!" Sakura said. Lee blushed. "But don't forget, you still have to beat Sasuke,"
"Uh, Sakura," Sasuke began weakly as the crowd began to bear him forward.
"Not so fast!" Kiba interrupted, pushing Sasuke and Lee aside. "You stuck-up prodigies aren't the only ones playing DDR. Chouji and I already called the next round!"
"Yeah, move it," Chouji demanded, kicking at Neji until he relinquished his dance mat by crawling a few yards away.
"I believe I need a drink," he announced, disappearing into the kitchen.
"Naruto and I have to check... something... in the closet," Sasuke mumbled, yanking Naruto into the nearby closet.
"Naruto, we can't stall forever," Sasuke hissed.
"I know," Naruto replied, biting his nails. "We just have go out there, do our best, and take our humiliating defeat like men."
Sasuke peeked out at the game. "Sakura just sounds so proud to be on our team..."
"Oh, come on, Sasuke, of course she is! She'll just be a little PO'ed for a while, we'll cope."
"I don't like rejection."
"Yeah, Chouji! Kick some ass!" came Ino's voice from outside.
The dark closet lit up, illuminated by Naruto's idea-lightbulb. "Sasuke, I have a plan!"
In the kitchen, Neji and Hinata, two of the four people not watching the Kiba-Chouji dance-off, were talking and drinking punch.
"Hey, Hinata-sama, you know the most famous Hyuuga of all, don't you?"
Hinata shook her head and took a long gulp of punch.
"Little Orphan Annie."
This was too much for Hinata. She choked on her punch and fell, coughing and laughing, to the floor (in the sake of fairness, I should point out that both had had a few drinks previous to the beginning of the scene, and were in that kind of mellow drunken mood where Little Orphan Annie jokes are the most hysterical witticisms ever invented).
"...Hinata? ... you all right?"
Hinata coughed up some punch in a merry manner and waved off her cousin's concern, at which point Naruto entered.
The punch was a sort of dark-red color, and when he entered and found the infamous Hyuuga cousins alone, unattended, Hinata on the floor with a dark red blood-like liquid on her lips, he could but jump to one conclusion.
"YOU BASTARD! What the hell is your problem?" he yelled accusingly at Neji. "I mean, sorry you lost at your best DDR song, it sucks, I know, but that's no reason to beat on little girls! Beat on Lee, please, but not Hinata!"
Hinata saw where the misconception occurred and began laughing again, which immediately got her coughing again.
"Don't worry, Hinata, I'll fix him," Naruto growled, cracking his knuckles. Neji took a step back and bumped into the counter.
"Na-Na-Naru-," Hinata choked a few times, reaching for his ankles and trying to explain what had actually happened while coughing up punch and being deeply flattered that he was defending her, albeit against an imaginary enemy. Hinata was not picky when it came to acts of gallantry.
"Look, you moron, I didn't touch her," Neji explained, while groping behind him for a kitchen knife. "That's not blood, it's punch. She choked on her drink."
"A likely story," Naruto said suspiciously. With a dark glare at Neji, he knelt next to Hinata and helped her sit up. She stopped coughing, because with Naruto's arm around her waist, breathing had dropped off her list of priorities. He ran a finger over her lips, and the only thing that stopped her from fainting was reminding herself that this would not help Neji's case at all, and if Naruto killed him, she'd have no one to hang out with at family gatherings.
Naruto sniffed the red substance he had wiped off Hinata's mouth.
"Well?" Neji asked humorlessly. "Is her blood-alcohol a little higher than normal, or am I telling the truth?"
Naruto grinned sheepishly and wiped his hand off on his pants. "Guess... it is just punch," he giggled anxiously, standing and moving over to the punch bowl. "Simple mistake... anybody could have made it... Uh... I'll just grab those glasses and go, shall I?" he picked up two cups and darted out the door. "Sorryaboutthatbye!"
"Goodbye, Naruto-kun," Hinata sighed dreamily from the floor. Neji looked over at her.
"Yeah, that one's a real catch," he said sarcastically.
Sasuke snapped his head back into the doorway of Naruto's bedroom. He really wasn't sure about this plan. If Sakura found out... He snaked his head around the doorpost again.
Lee was teaching Sakura how to play DDR.
Sasuke gulped. His standing in Sakura's mind was fast going down the crapper. Naruto was right, this required drastic action.
Ino glanced around. She thought she had heard someone say her name.
"Ino! Over here!"
Ino looked over at Naruto's bedroom.
"Yeah, over here, quick," Sasuke hissed from the doorway.
Ino giggled and pointed to herself. "Me?"
"Yes, you," Sasuke sighed exasperatedly, darting forward, grabbing her arm, and pulling her back into the bedroom.
Sasuke winced, hoping she wouldn't notice in the darkened room. This was hard for him. Not that there was anything wrong with Ino, aside from the fact that he couldn't stand her. Wait, said Inner Sasuke (who only came out when he was drunk, and who he suspected was actually Inner Itachi, but he never thought to ask him, because he was always drunk when Inner Sasuke came out). Sasuke, are you an Uchiha or not? Are you not from the hottest clan in Konoha? Are you telling me that you'd rather lose to Eyebrow the Boy Wonder than flirt with an attractive woman? Shame, Sasuke, shame.
Sasuke shook himself mentally and put on an alluring smile. "Ino," he said softly, sort of like a purr, only more masculine. "I've got a problem, and you're the only one who can help."
"Well, what would you like me to help you with?" Ino asked suggestively, leaning in.
Sasuke turned away shyly. "It's actually kind of embarrassing."
"Aw, you can tell me."
"Well, you know how Naruto and I are supposed to play Lee..."
"Yeah! You guys will be awesome! I'm totally looking forward to it!"
Sasuke realized that he was about to confide in the wrong person. Time for a tactic change. "Well... um, about that... er... Naruto's really got his heart set on winning and impressing..." Sasuke choked. "Um... Sa- Sa- Sakura, and the poor guy's not very good at all, but he's too proud to admit it..."
Ino laughed. "Awesome... so you want me to set up a camera?"
"NO! I mean," Sasuke shrugged bashfully. "Naruto's my heterosexual life partner, I don't want to see the guy embarrassed like this."
"Oh, of course, I understand. It's so good of you to look out for that moron... you're such a great guy, Sasuke-kun," Ino smiled. It made Sasuke very uncomfortable. He decided to push right along, anyway.
"Well, um, so, I was thinking of a way to help him out... and, er... maybe you could possess Lee and make him screw up for Naruto's round..."
"Of course, Sasuke-kun... anything, for you," Ino said, leaning towards him, her lips puckered, ready for a kiss.
Sasuke didn't notice, and turned quickly and fled from the room, muttering, "'k, thanks." as he ran back to the kitchen for another drink. Ino followed him at a discreet distance, blending in with the crowd as Kiba and Chouji danced their last steps.
"All right, Sasuke, time for our DDR battle!" Lee announced.
"Wh-what?" Sasuke stuttered. "But... it's Naruto's turn first... right? Naruto goes first..."
"Of course not," Lee said. "I've waited long enough, Uchiha. Let's duel."
Sasuke sent a pleading glance at Naruto, who grabbed Ino by the ponytail and pulled her into his room. "Ino... you know how Sasuke just asked you to help him out?"
"Excuse me?" Ino snapped. "He asked me to help you out. You're the loser."
"Oh, is that how he put it?" Naruto asked. "Well, I got news for you, sweetheart. He's the one who sucks, and he's about to get his ass handed to him. So why don't you help him out like a good little fangirl?"
Ino smiled, although inside she was imagining punching Naruto and Sasuke in the face repeatedly. How dare he lie to her! How dare he suck at DDR! "Of course. Don't you worry about a thing."
Sasuke glanced over at Naruto leading Ino out of the bedroom. The blond gave him a thumbs-up, and Sasuke took a deep breath. "All right, Lee. Are you ready to lose?"
Lee stared straight ahead at the screen. "You are the one who is going to lose."
"You're going to be so embarrassed," Sasuke said.
"You are the one who is going to be embarrassed."
"Just pick a song already, Ringo."
Lee picked his song. "Expert mode, Uchiha?"
Sasuke gulped, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Naruto, who nodded. "Of course, doob... if you can handle it."
"It is you who are a doob," Lee said as Ino collapsed on the couch. Shikamaru nudged her with his foot.
"She's fine, she's just drunk and blond," he assured everyone. "Go back to your obnoxious party games."
"We should write on her face," Sakura said.
"Don't you dare!" Lee said hurriedly. "I mean, uh, first the DDR face-off."
"Oh, yeah!" Sakura grinned at Lee and Sasuke "Do your best, you two!"
Lee hit "start" and the music began. Sasuke hit the first couple of arrows with a score of "ok", while Lee just stood there, watching him.
"AH, Sasuke! The way you move!" he cried finally, launching off his dance mat and bowling Sasuke to the floor. "You're too sexy for me to compete against!"
"Wh—," Sasuke choked as Lee pinned him down and kissed him.
"Oh, Sasuke! Just take me!" Lee shouted. Sasuke turned red.
"Get off me!" he yelled as the party-goers laughed.
"Wow, Lee, I didn't know you had planned out humiliating him this far," Tenten said.
Lee winked at her and laughed manically. "You don't know the half of it, my friend." He kissed Sasuke. "Revenge is sweet."
"What did I do!?" Sasuke said, wiggling. "GET AWAY FROM ME!"
Ino's lips twitched a little. "Mmm."
"Ino, get off the boy," Shikamaru sighed, noticing this movement.
"Ino–," Sasuke was puzzled for a moment, then looked out of the corner of his eye at the girl collapsed on the couch. "INO! You pig!" he shouted at Lee. "What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be helping me cheat against Lee!"
Ino-Lee looked triumphant, and Sasuke realized that the other kids were all staring at him. Not that they hadn't been.
"Sasuke!" Sakura gasped, appalled. "You asked Ino-pig to help you cheat?! Where's your sense of honor?"
"I hate you, Ino," Sasuke muttered. Lee collapsed on his shoulder.
"That's not what you said when we were alone in Naruto's bedroom," Ino stood up, winking at him. Sakura fainted.
Sasuke would have liked to help her, but Naruto and Lee got there first, Naruto wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. He would have liked to go kick their asses (for real. No silly video games for settling this.) but he was immediately assaulted the rest of the party.
"Three cheers for Courage the Cowardly Uchiha!" Tenten shouted. "King of the Dancemat and sometimes-lover of Ringo Starr and Miss Piggy!"
You're never gonna live this one down, that's for sure, chortled Inner Sasuke. There were times when Sasuke purely hated his inner self.