30 Pieces of Silver
Jesus Christ Superstar
A missing piece/deleted scene/alternate scene to the 2000 version. Jerome Pradon as Judas. Shuttup about him getting emo. I'll stab you with an eyebrow.
Warning: Lots and lots of Sex and Angst so if either offend you, you can go away right now.
Judas had just betrayed his best friend for thirty pieces of silver. He insisted to everyone, including himself, that he was doing it for Jesus' own good. Perhaps he had done it to save Jesus… a little bit. But a bigger part of it was out of anger and jealousy. Jealousy over, of all things: a woman. Thirty pieces of silver hung from his belt and as he walked, the coins clinked together merrily. The noise was getting on his last already frayed nerve. The turmoil and guilt inside him threatened to tear him apart, he needed to do something about it. So he did what any logical and guilt ridden traitor would do; he went to make the problem worse.
Mary awakened to a loud pounding on her door. Hurriedly, she threw on a shawl to cover her bare shoulders and went to answer it. Throwing the door open, she found a distraught Judas; eyes red and shoulders hunched. He fell upon her crying and clutching at her body. Terrified, she shoved him away to the ground and fumbled for the paring knife always kept at hand. He didn't come after her, merely lay crumpled on the floor with his hands fisted in his hair.
"Judas?" she asked quietly.
He jerked his head up and she could see just how terrible he looked. His eyes were bloodshot with madness and liquor, Mary started backwards as he surged to his feet. In a few short strides Mary found herself backed into a corner, her hands held fast over her head. She was breathing fast; terrified she was about to be raped by Jesus' right hand man and best friend. Mary felt his hot breath on her throat and was completely shocked when he laid a gentle kiss to the smooth flesh there. His unshaven cheek scraped against hers and she felt his hand resting on her hip. He had no intention of hurting her and she could feel from him that he wanted to be held. Judas let go of her hands.
"Lie to me." he pleaded brokenly. "Tell me it's all going to be ok. Tell me I'm not the reason He will die."
She said nothing, only guiding his head to her chest and stroked his short hair.
"Let me pretend… Let me pretend that He's not going to die. That's the only way I can do this…"
While she didn't know what he meant by "do this" she had the feeling he wasn't talking about sleeping with her.
"Oh Judas…" she whispered, her voice almost songlike.
Mary felt tears soaking through her slip and warming the flesh of her breast.
"I only did what he asked… my God… I am damned!"
She surprised herself by kissing him on the forehead. Her heart honestly ached for him. The sorrow and regret poured off him in sheets. Judas clutched her to him.
"Please…" so much emotion packed into one little word. "Please. Just for tonight? Pretend…"
But she didn't have to pretend. Admittedly, she belonged to Jesus, as much as any woman could belong to a man. A part of her couldn't help wishing she could belong to Judas as well, and he to her. To see a man so defeated… so crushed by the weight of his own soul… Against her better judgement, Mary led him to her cot. He sat on the edge, head bowed and hands resting limply between his knees. Mary knelt behind him on the bed and helped him ease off the battered leather jacket he wore like armour. His black t-shirt was torn and dirty with blood and dust from his descent into madness. Soon the t-shirt joined his jacket on the floor next to the bed. Mary tried to distance herself from what she was feeling, tried to treat him as just another customer with needs to be met but she found it impossible. She was in too deep now. Judas groaned appreciatively as he felt her fingers beginning to work at the tense muscles of his shoulders.
"Mary…" he whispered.
"Shhh, love." she replied calmly.
Her hands trembled as she tried to rub his pain away. Even she knew this pain went too deep. Judas leaned his head back against her shoulder and looked up at her.
"I'm sorry." he murmured.
"For what?" she asked offhandedly, still trying to work out the knots in his back.
"For treating you so badly…"
She made a dismissive noise and continued stubbornly on.
"I was jealous. I still am."
Mary shrugged and as she did, Judas turned around and took her chin in his hand, bringing her face close to his.
"Lie to me, just for tonight? Tell me you love me."
Without so much as a pause-
"I do, Judas. I love you." she replied in a whisper.
He kissed her and she could feel tears fall against her cheeks. Whether they were his or hers she didn't know, nor did she want to. She could almost hear Judas's heart pounding in his chest as he eased her down in the bed.
Mary's skin felt so soft under his lips. After watching his friend with her for so long… dreaming what it would be like if she could be his for a night. Just for tonight he wanted to run away from who he was, to be her kind of man, to pretend he wasn't going to die in a few hours. He'd been planning it for a while now. In setting Jesus up to die, he effectively signed his own death warrant. Ironically, he'd be the one to serve that warrant. However, just for tonight… Mary would be his.
She shivered under his touch, a good kind of shiver; a shiver that asked for more but didn't say please.
He slid her dress off her shoulders and over her hips, throwing it on the small pile of clothes on the floor. So beautiful, so smooth… He kissed her flat belly and felt her muscles tensing up underneath the coffee and milk coloured skin. For a woman who sold her body to make a living she seemed awfully nervous at the prospect of his lips so close to her… Judas looked up at her from his place between her legs. A face with big brown eyes and slightly parted lips stared back. Gently, Judas slid a probing finger inside her before moving her legs over his shoulders.
"You don't have to-" she trailed off as his mouth descended on her.
Her right hand clenched the bedclothes as her left buried itself in his hair. When at long last he pulled away he was smiling; for the first time in a long time. As Mary strove to catch her breath, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
"Th-thank-" she started.
Judas silenced her with a kiss and she could taste herself on his lips. Then it occurred to her these were the same lips that had sent Jesus to his death. Mary pushed the thought from her head. He'd suffered enough for a lifetime; she would let him have this night.
Mary started as if to reciprocate the favour be had just bestowed on her but he caught her hands in his. Back they went above her head only this time she wasn't frightened.
"Just for tonight…" he said in a hushed voice.
"For tonight and every night after…" she replied.
He undid his jeans and lifted her leg so that it curved around his back. His head bowed to her breasts as he slowly sank home. Her eyes widened as he did. The noises she made were delightful; small cries and groans that made his heart beat faster. Judas captured her lips in his; eyes wide open to see her beautiful chestnut ones looking back.
"I love you." he said when they'd broken the kiss.
"I love you too." Mary whispered.
Mary's legs locked at the ankle, holding him to her firmly. They moved perfectly together, fitting together like puzzle pieces. Mary had learned from her job that all men were different. She'd been with men who fell out flaccid and dry after a few pumps, men who were much too big for her to handle, men who wanted her for her breasts or backside only, men who were violent, men who wanted things done to them… None, save for Jesus, had ever fit with her like Judas.
"Oh God, Mary!" she heard him groan.
When they came together, another first for Mary, they kissed with a bruising force. Mary was crying for she had finally figured out what Judas intended to do when he left. The potential had been there since Jesus has first cast him from his divine sight. She knew if she let him leave tonight with his mind in the state it was, she would lose not only one lover, but a second as well.
Judas removed his weight from her and lay next to her, reaching out to pull her to his side. She went willingly, nestling her face in his shoulder. Judas began playing with her wild mane of light brown hair.
"Just for tonight…" he murmured.
Mary let her fingers play over his chest and stomach. His body was so different from Jesus'. He was taller and stockier than the man they called Messiah. Jesus was all lean muscles and bone; a pleasure to touch and admire. Judas had a fine dusting of hair over his chest, a line of it leading from his belly button down into the waistband of his jeans. Mary stopped comparing the two; to even try would be like comparing apples to oranges. Two men that were so different... Two men she had equal love for. She ran a trail of kisses down his jawbone. She had to make him believe it was all worth it.
"Stay?" she asked quietly, shivering a little.
"For a while." he said as he drew her closer. "Then I must go…"
"Stay for longer than that." she pleaded, an uncomfortable feeling forming in her stomach.
Judas didn't reply, only resumed playing with her hair. She smelled so good… even with the smell of sex and sweat on her. Especially with the smell of sex and sweat on her. He closed his eyes and breathed in her scent, once more pretending she was his.
"I'm sorry I made you pretend… I know… I know you love Jesus."
"Yes. I love Him." she said firmly. "But I love you as well."
He chuckled darkly.
"You can stop pretending now."
"I'm not pretending." Mary said.
She could feel him withdrawing into himself again. Mary put her arms around him, trying anything to make him see.
"There's still a chance, Judas. He could be saved."
"It's us that need saving, Mary…"
Judas disentangled himself from her and swung his jean-clad legs over the side. Mary could see the bones of his spine forming bumps under his skin. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Please don't go. I'm afraid…" she trailed off.
"You're afraid of what?"
"I'm afraid… I'm afraid you're going to do something… bad…. to yourself."
His eyes hardened.
"Mary, let me go." he demanded.
Mary tightened her grip on him.
"Mary, let go of me. I've got to make this all right."
Still she did not let go.
"For God's sake, Mary! Let me go!" he yelled angrily.
"NO!" she cried, arms locked around his torso.
"Mary I've got to go! I've got to make things right!"
"And killing yourself will do that?! Judas, you're responsible for Jesus' death sentence, but suicide will not take back that kiss, nor will it make things better! Please don't do this!" she begged.
Judas tore himself away from her and stumbled back toward the door, snagging his t-shirt as he made his way out.
"Mary… I love you. I love you so much. And I love Him. He's changed my life so much… But something went wrong. I've got to do this. I've got to die to make things right."
In a few strides, he was back by her side and kissing her hard. Her nails clawed at his back. This kiss was all tears and pain and sorrow, not like the one's they'd shared earlier. Then suddenly he was gone, leaving her sobbing on her bed. Tonight she would lose two lovers…
She felt hollow. So hollow she did not even recognize Simon as he passed by her. They were both dead… It may have made for some interesting encounters in bed had they both realized they were in love with the same woman, but now they were both gone and the woman was alone. Their bodies had been cleaned. Jesus had been dressed in beautiful white robes; someone had cleaned Judas' clothes and redressed him. Jesus had been laid to rest in a cave, it's entrance covered by a heavy boulder. Judas still lay in the spot he had died in. It was common decency to clean the body of its filth but no one wanted to be responsible for the burial of a suicide. Her two lovers lay at rest at opposite sides of town, but it was Judas' body she visited. No mourners lined up for a chance to say goodbye to Judas. No women cried for him, save Mary.
Mary felt the anger rise in her as she saw that Judas' body had not even been moved to a place of burial. She knelt beside him and took his limp hand in hers. He was cold… so cold. The icy chill transferred to her as she kissed his knuckles.
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry. I should have seen you earlier. Perhaps then…"
She smoothed his hair, stroking it as she had done merely a few hours earlier. Mary kissed his cold lips, not drawing back as she tasted blood on them. He had died alone, as he had planned. A few stray tears trickled down her cheeks, falling down to splash on his face. Mary traced the scars the rope has made in his throat. Had he strangled? Or had he broken his neck. Either way, Mary found the image replaying over and over in her mind.
"I do love you, you know." she said, lying down next to the body. "You wouldn't listen when you were alive, but now you've got to."
She stroked his forehead, touched his scruffy cheek, did all the things she hadn't had the chance too during their encounter.
"If you hadn't done this… You could have stayed with me."
Once last time, she lay against his shoulder; the cold from his body permeated hers, but she didn't care.
She'd lost everyone now… Mary closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep in her dead lover's embrace…
Mary opened her eyes to a bright yellow sun, expecting to see Jesus. Instead her eyes rested on Judas.
"Yes, you are." he said with a smile.
"But you're dead."
"Yes, I am. And you are sleeping by my body."
"Is this real?"
"I don't know. Is it?"
"Why'd you have to go?"
Judas strode forward looking as cocky as ever. He bent down and kissed her on the very tip of her nose. She blinked in confusion.
"One dream. One chance to be happy." he murmured.
"This isn't fair."
He moved behind her and encircled her with his arms, she lay her hands over his.
"Who ever said life was fair? Dream us a happily ever after, Mary."
And so she did. Mary dreamt them happy days in the sun, nights spent making love outside under the stars. No thoughts of death or of loss. A hundred years of happy days and sultry nights all in the span of one dream.
"Was that good?" she asked, clinging to his hand.
Judas only smiled.
"You're not in Heaven, are you?" she said sadly.
"I don't know, Mary. I don't know where I will go when you wake up."
"Then I don't want to wake up." she said defiantly.
"You've got to, love."
"They're coming for my body. I don't want you there, they'll hurt you."
"What are they going to do to you?"
"Burn me, I would imagine. Go, Mary. They are coming."
She threw herself into his arms, embracing him tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Judas."
He held her in return, burying his face in her shoulder.
"I'm not. I had my night with you. I died alone, but reasonably content. Go! They are near!"
He pushed her away, his eyes frantic.
"Go!" he cried again.
"Mary, please! I'll never forgive myself if anything happens to you. He'll never forgive me either."
"Yes, he's responsible for this little get together."
Mary could feel everything fading. She could barely see Judas now.
"I love you!" she screamed, the tears once again flowing freely.
"I love you too."
Mary awoke with a start. A crowd was coming. The last words Judas' had spoken to her in her dream echoed around her mind. She had to leave and she had to leave now. Mary ran, the tears from her dream now running down her cheeks and onto her shirt. She ran and ran until she couldn't run another foot. At that point she found herself at her ramshackle home. Mary threw open the door and fell onto her bed, panting for breath.
She opened her eyes and glanced down next to her bed to see a crumpled black object. Mary reached out and picked it up. Judas had left his jacket in his haste last night. It was then she felt her heart break in two neat halves; one half to Judas and one half to Jesus. She brought the jacket to her nose and inhaled his smell. Years of wearing the leather jacket had ingrained his scent into it. More and more, one broken half of her heart broke again; the pieces joining with the half that was Judas'.
At that moment she heard a commotion outside her door. People were rushing by and shouting joyfully. Slowly, and still clutching the jacket to her breast, she went towards the door. Mary opened the door and stuck her head out. Words and music made it to her ears that shocked her to the core.
"Hosanna! Hosanna! Jesus is risen!"
Author's Note: I can guarantee that I am by no means even remotely Christian. This is probably visible in my biblical inaccuracies and lack of respect for the "Good Book". I am merely a fan of musicals, particularly Andrew Lloyd Webber ones whose plot I can warp to my own liking. I understand if this story is very difficult to believe, but that's what it is; a story. A story I had only intended to be a page or two long but just kept growing.
If you are familiar with the 2000 London Revival Cast of Jesus Christ Superstar, you will probably see Judas' jealousy towards Jesus, not in short because of Mary. All three (Jesus, Mary, Judas) have such wonderful chemistry, it was natural I should be temporarily struck with JCS fever. Anyhow, if you enjoyed this fic, let me know.
Judas (but only on Wednesdays)