Sue is Justice

By: Luunna

Summary: A female officer joins the Kira investigation with no consent from anyone present. An incredibly beautiful, talented, intelligent, young, overall perfect officer. EVERYONExOC LAWLZ.

Warnings: Mary-Sue Parody. I noticed there is no Mary-Sue parody for Death Note on but the fandom is far from Sue-free XD If there is, then I just couldn't find it. When I'm stuck in Dear Diary, I'll be writing here. If you haven't read it and you're an L fan… Go read it or something. Squiggles is a page break.

Death Note © Viz Media, Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata, and… uh… A bunch of other people who aren't me. Leave me alone.
This story © Me/Luunna

Horrible Sue © Me/Luunna

It was an average day at the tower of Ryuzaki and the Kira case's residence. L was perched on his chair and eating a delicious piece of cake, his face sallow in the glow from the computer screen. Light worked on a computer beside him, dedicated to his job as always. Matsuda chattered mindlessly about a plethora of topics to anyone who happened to be in earshot. Who were, to their dismay, the rest of the Task Force.

Little did the men present know, this was to be the worst day of their lives.

The doors opened. The sound of clicking heels dragged Ryuzaki's focus away from his cake, Light's away from the keyboard and hushed Matsuda up. Because when shoes made noise, L reasoned, it meant they were girl's shoes. And what girl would be coming here?

"OH MY GOD, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!!" A random, distant-sounding male voice yelled in the background. It seemed L was the only one to notice this: The others just stared at the newcomer mindlessly as the detective looked around quizzically for the one who yelled.

"I'm Tamayayukisakura Sarianokuramanamoon-Chan - " L frowned and returned from his search. Not only did this name make no sense, but you never usually added honorifics to your own name while introducing yourself. That meant this girl didn't know much about Japanese. " - And I've been assigned to the Kira case to help you all."

L's face remained in a set frown. Last he remembered, there was no Tama-whatever working in the Japanese Police. Scratch that, he was sure there was noone in all of Japan with a name that dumb. The detective glanced to Soichiro, and from his shocked look, he thought the same. Besides that, they were doing just fine. Since when, pray tell, did they need help?

"Well, I don't remember having anyone named Tamiyayukisakura Sarianokuramanamoon in the Japanese Police…" Soichiro pondered. He would've remembered a name so exotic. "Do you have any education as a police officer or detective?"

"No."

"Uh, experience?"

"No."

"Oh, well welcome aboard."

He had heard about things like this. Chasing helpless men with no shame. Being sickeningly perfect and infecting normal people with extreme out-of-character syndrome. Being right in all that they do.

Mary-Sue.

L glanced over his shoulder to see if his suspicions were true. Indeed, the girl was flawless. In his head, he found himself using ridiculously poetic words to describe her: White gold, soft waterfalls of hair wafting down to the modest length of her ankles, for example. Waterfalls? Wafting? He didn't believe to have ever used those words to describe hair. Ever. Besides that, hair passing your behind wasn't exactly a modest length

More came: Her orbs were a vibrant sapphire blue, throbbing with power and beauty. How could one's eyes throb with beauty, L wondered? And why, pray tell, did he use the word orbs? Upon examining her "police uniform," he found it quite unlike the dress code. She wore a blue jean jacket which was tight around her torso and torn in 'all the right places-' God, did he really just think that? - and her "pants" were barely there and tight around what they did cover. Which was very little. Handcuffs were clipped to her belt loop and a gun was holstered to her side.

She gasped and pointed to the slouching detective. "Ohmigod, is that you, Leon?!" L looked back in question. Leon? Since when was his name Leon? Light looked at the girl with interest, while Matsuda's brown eyes were as big as saucers.

L had decided he had better be kind to the Mary-Sue, for he didn't know what powers she possessed. "Are you speaking to me, miss?" He asked as courteously as he could. Her impossibly large eyes got larger and watered.

"Y-You don't remember me…?" Tamayayukisakura whimpered. "How could you not remember me, Leon? I was your childhood sweetheart… At the Wammy House…" L looked at her awkwardly, and before he could respond, Matsuda cut in.

"Aww, Ryuzaki had a girlfriend!" He fawned with a smile. "How cute!"

L silenced Tota with a terse, "Matsuda-San." Then he turned back to the girl claiming to know him, "I am sorry, but you must be mistaken. First off, I never had a … "childhood sweetheart." Second, my name is not Leon. And thirdly, the Wammy House was in England. Yet you have a name compiled of other Japanese names. I'm guessing this to mean you're Japanese. So somehow, as an orphan, you got from Japan to England to stay at the Wammy House." L had finished his rather lengthy explanation of his logic and was already slicing his next cake into cubes. "This is highly unlikely."

Because logic is the well-known enemy of the Mary-Sue, Tamayayukisakura had flounced off up the stairs around halfway through L's display of intelligence and searched for her room. Which would be whichever room she saw fit to claim. She didn't need luggage or anything to live here. Oh no, because Tamayayukisakura is always naturally perfect. Whatever made you think otherwise?

As L started to bring a delicious cube of chocolate cake to his mouth, Matsuda started chattering again, "Wow, that girl sure is cute!"

Now, Light did something unthinkable. Completely out-of-character. Against the book, some may say. He giggled. "I know!!" This proceeded to puzzle all members of the Task Force into utter silence.

L was first to speak. "L-Light-Kun… What in the world possessed you to do that?" Before he could get an answer, he heard a melodic, songful voice behind him… Wait, songful? Was that a word? He wondered on this aridly as the task force crowded the monitors behind him. He stood and slowly walked to his chair,, cake in hand. Clearly not as eager as everyone else to see the new girl. He placed his feet on his swivel chair first, then settled his behind in the crook of his ankles. L cupped his thin hands over his kneecaps, as he was accustomed to doing.

On the monitor was Tamayaukisakura with a duffle bag. Where did she get the bag? L was positive she didn't have it before when she entered the tower. He also noticed a detail noone else, again, seemed to be keen on- L was just monitoring Misa's room. It was empty, but the detective was looking for anything she left there. Any clues at all. Why on EARTH had she chosen Amane's room? Otherwise, L was thoroughly annoyed at the song she sang. And it took quite a bit for the great detective to get annoyed.

"She's… Beautiful…" Ryuzaki heard Light say mindlessly behind him. He felt something drop on his shoulder. He looked, and lo and behold, Light was actually drooling. L looked up at him in question. He reasoned that from the way Light was acting and how she had addressed him, this Mary-Sue's target was either L or Light. He hoped her attention would shift soon- He rather disliked this new mentally challenged Light.

L looked back to the screen to see Tamayayukisakura removing something from her bag. What was she taking out? It looked black and roughly rectangular. Light tensed. Was this a Death Note?

No, it was just an irregularly-shaped bottle of hair gel. She giggled and placed it on the coffee table. Why would hair gel go on a coffee table? L had no idea either. She was also producing a number of trophies from nowhere. The bag's space was endless, it seemed. Good lord, it looked like she had a trophy for EVERYTHING. L leaned forward and typed in some coding to zoom in the camera on them as she set them up in a row, then read them aloud. "Cosmetology, Dog Training, Ms. Japan of 2000, Cooking, Best Author, Nobel Prize… Carrot-Peeling?" L shook his head in question, then zoomed out to see her clutching a pendant around her neck. Was that there before…?

"I need to help Leon… Even if he's forgotten me… Because I know who Kira is, Mom and Dad…" She started to sob. L rolled his eyes. Sure she knew who Kira was. Just like L was stupid enough to believe that his own name was Leon.

"That's so depressing…" Matsuda sympathized. Light was sobbing uncontrollably in depression for Tamayayukisakura. His father was comforting him. Really, L thought, it's not all that sad. Just a vague mention of her parents.

If this Mary-Sue was sticking around, this was going to be a long… long… case.

I am not held responsible for nausea or vomiting from the Mary-Sue. Sorry if she was too Sue-ish. There's just so many Sues out for L and Light, I had to parody it…

Oh, and rate and review. Or Tamayayukisakura will eat you at night 3

Hopefully Dear Diary will update soon, once I get passed my writer's block.