Sorry. I didn't want to spoil the flow, and both these sections are quite long.
Well, this was interesting to write. I mostly wrote it hiding in my room while watching Kannazuki no Miko when my dad was away on business, and finished it while staying up late with laptop under the covers. (Ha-ha. If my mom asks, you didn't hear that.)
This has a lot of obscure half-hidden miscellaneous objects of your choice in it, like double meanings and such. Even the title can be interpreted in a convoluted manner—a "thin" lie, a web of lies, a thread that connects—so forth. See what I mean? This is what listening to the Magnetic Fields gets you.
In fact, I listened to music pretty much the whole time I wrote this, so it's probably not as good as it could be, since I wasn't giving it my undivided attention. My apologies. Someday I'll probably rewrite it.
Sorry for all the repeated words. Also, it doesn't sound that Luke-ish. But oh well. It's still a nice piece of work. I'm especially proud of the beginning paragraphs and the ending. (It evolved a bit from what it was originally conceived to be. What it originally was, I can't say. ) What do you think? I want to hear your reviews, and make sure they're more truthful than Luke's "final entry". After all, after being weaved of so many lies, doesn't this little tale deserve a little honesty attached to it?
Right, that's it. I can't write any more. The blanket over my head is suffocating me. What an anticlimax.
Fanless (dripping in sweat)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
1:55:04 AM, U.S. Pacific time
I guess I was wrong about this not being as good as it could be, because the most perceptive reviewer in the world (name of The Fifth Champion. Go check her out now) has sent me a review (thesis, more like) that basically dug everything I had running through my head connected to this story but could probably never fully articulate myself out and explained it very wonderfully. It was so crazy amazing I had to show it off to the rest of the world here. I hope she doesn't mind...
On the contrary, I thought this was very Luke-ish indeed. It's sharp and
bitter and witty and hard-- very much the way I feel he is portrayed in the
books upon Percy discovering his betrayal. So, from end of the first book,
WOW: I'm reviewing this extremely late. You have to understand--from the
moment I looked at the title of this, I was immediately drawn to it.
"Spiderthread Untruth" Can anything possibly sound more enchanting and
haunting and darkly poetic than that? You must understand, that I kill for
these sorts of things And yet, the fact that there was an undertone of
LukePercy kept me from reading it. Its not that I dislike slash/shonen-ai. I
could just never see Luke or Percy for that matter harboring homosexual
feelings--not to mention, I'm a very greedy individual, and my own personal
attachment to Luke kept me from shipping him with ANYONE for quite a long
time. I can now say that I am a fairly-enthused Thunke shipper, though I
still possess a strong attachment to Luke
But this is just so gorgeous.
And again I repeat.
This is just SO GORGEOUS.
In complete honesty, you are an amazing writer. You say that you want to
rewrite this? I really feel thats unnecessary. I found the wording beautiful,
elegant, flawless. I sunk instantly and immediately into what was being
said--was completely captivated. And unlike what you said, apparently I
really felt like it was Luke speaking--I could almost hear his voice.
And the more I think about it--I should have you know--the more interesting
and amusing the whole LukePercy thing is becoming. Seriously.
The beginning notion is mind-boggling, philosophical, richly amazing. Just in
general, the idea of hate not, in fact, being the opposite of love, because a
connection and feelings still exists--is brillant. And comparing it to Luke's
situation with the gods is sheer genius. I can see him doing this. In my mind,
Luke has always been a very reflective, idealistic, overthinker. Not the
tradional intelligence of Annabeth, obviously--but someone who sits and stews
over things. Obviously, this is directly connected to his hatred of Olympus
The actual language of this was beautiful, and I find that first person
narrative is a difficult thing to pull off WELL, so lots of immense praise on
that! The wording was so gorgeous, this is so well-written, I adore it:
especially this one line: "What I was before reality set in and froze the bud
of my childish innocence?" A "bud" of innocence is such a gorgeous metaphor,
sounding so young, just blooming--verus a whole flower. And how it was frozen
before it could flourish. Outstanding.
The way he speaks about demigods--the way he talks of the gods--so crisply,
firmly, so assuredly--sounds just like him in everyway. In fact, I really feel
like you've characterized him perfectly at least in my opinion so I don't
understand why you think it sounds un-Luke-ish. In fact, his steady
determination and obstinate belief in the righteousness of his crusade only
makes it more obvious that he has doubts--in a subtle, begruding way, that is
very much how I see Luke. The constant repeating of "I don't have anything to
regret" especially when it applies to Percy, makes the bitterness and slight
questioning very obvious.
And the line about Percy's smile was so uberly! sweet and sad, I loved it
so much! You really make me actually LIKE the LukePercy pairing, which s a
major compliment, because I seriously don't think that Luke is gay. But I
won't deny, the way you describe the tension, the longing, the begruding
nature-how they are on opposite sides, makes it all extremely intriguing and
The dream is so bittersweet, so perfect. I feel like its definitely
symbolic--but I'm afraid that I'll butcher its wonder if I guess. It gave me
this choking sensation I feel when very emotional, powerful, and climatic
moments are reached, smothering you so that you can't breathe. Its so good.
I knew it was Percy, somehow, you conveyed it very well, through subtle
means. This whole piece, in a quiet sort of way, is really centered on Luke's
thoughts on Percy, isn't it? Somehow, that single motion: "You stood there,
smiling and holding out your hand" and those words "'Come on, let's go sit
on the roof or something and watch the rest of the sunset, okay? It's nice
tonight.'" make me want to cry. They are simple, yet full of meaning. A
friendship well, in this story's case, relationship that could never exist,
except for in dreams. Its haunting. Somehow...I'm going on a huge rant now,
please forgive me since you described this at sunset, I picture Percy lost in
this warm, yellowy, blinding light of the dying sun. You know, like the moment
when the sun is sinking to the horizon, and shrouds everything in its last
rays, so that everything becomes a dark silhoutte surrounded by golden light?
Am I just ranting senselessly? Well, I picture Luke blinded in that
light--so that all he really sees is the outline of Percy, the slightest image
of his face in the shadows of sun. I feel the the idea of him holding out his
hand--its like a gesture of peace, which is bittersweet, because its full of
longing, but very obviously can never be reached.
Oh, and I love this part, its so sharp and clever, cynical:"Remember what
talented liars Hermes' children are? Of course you do, and you're probably
frowning and wondering what percentage of this letter is made up of those
world-class lies. I'll make it easy and tell you: Everything except the last
587 words, and the ones after them." It was so clever, left my eyebrows raised
and a smirk on my lips. Wonderful.
The ending is phenomenal. Okay, I'll admit it. You made me like the LukePercy
shipping. You truly did. Despite the fact that I still don't believe that Luke
is gay, I found myself drinking in and loving these complicated feelings Luke
has--and the ending is just so magnificent. I love the way its cut short, so
abruptly, before the words can be said, leaving it up to the imagination. So
close--but it will never be said. I'll admit that I think and hope. See what
you've done to me? that the words are "I'm sorry and I love you." I'll even
go so far as to say that I'm longing for Percy's reaction--if he would ever
even read this, but I think you're right to leave it vague. It gives power to
I love how the ending is this hurried, dramatic bit--so gorgeously and
perfectly done. Its not too fast, and the abrupt cut off leaves you shocked
and amazed. I adore how it seems to be Luke's final, last minute, his dying
message--and in this moment of truth, he admits "what I now feel is the wrong
side" and that he's actually sorry. This is why I love Luke's character so
much. He's so interesting, so complicated. He's definitely not a hero, but
he's not a normal villian. I truly think I'll be one of the few who sobs if he
dies at the end of the series. ;;
The textbook finish...chilling, haunting, so amazing. I fall over, dead, in
wonder and awe at this. Seriously. First off, the titles are outstanding, so
cool and creative. I particularly love "Turncoat's War" and "Western
Civilization: Its Genesis, Its Fall, Its Resurrection?" its sounds so much
like a block of real history, like a literal textbook. And the reference to
Chiron was excellent--ties back to the book, to everything.
I think I particularly like the textbook ending because, besides the utter
creativity of you coming up with this, its cold--after we see directly into
the mind and heart of Luke, his death is summed up in a sentence, detached, no
speak of regrets or anything, just plain facts. And of course, the fact that
it was Percy who killed Luke is so bitterly ironic and beautiful that I could
almost smack you in my envy. It leaves this tight knot in my chest.
I wish I could be better at reviewing, so I could truly understand how this
piece made me feel--but I think the only thing I can say is that I truly
admire you and this piece of work. Its the type that will stay with me, stay
on my mind, and I'll obsess over it. Its so sad, so tragic, so lovely, so
deeply bitter. I adored every minute of it-I truly respect you, and above all,
I hope you never stop writing.
If you want though you very obviously don't have too! I also wrote a fanfic
about Luke--though, in opposition to yours, its takes place in the PAST,
before Luke betrayed the gods. Its actually a long chapter fic, but
unfortunately I've had it on hiatus for a while...You see, I'm writing this
orignial work that I'm really excited about its 200 pages! I never wrote so
much in just one story before! and I feel like if I wrote anything else
alongside it, I would get distracted. But I do hope to return to my Luke story
once I finish my orignial work. I would be honored if you gave it a shot.
Note: I actually don't like the first chapter so much as the following
Thanks so much for this amazing story. We need more like this on fanfiction.
This is totally going under my faves. And you're also going down as a favorite
And here is my response:
I can't tell you how affected I was by your review. Really. Honestly. For one
thing, you wrote me an essay. AN ESSAY. More importantly, you understood and
explained everything that was running through my head as I wrote, and what I
tried to embody in the words. I'm completely shocked that someone read all the
same things into it so clearly, and that you even imagined the same mental
pictures that I did! (I'd like to hear more about the symbolism you saw in the
dream, by the way. Maybe there's something that occurred to you that I never
even imagined?) You basically took the murky sensations that I was trying to
capture in cold written language and translated them, something that I don't
know if I could have done as well myself. It's just amazing how you've
analyzed every little bit of it! I'm completely flabbergasted and amazed! Do
you always review like this? Am I missing something? I'm so impressed by this
review that I'm going straight over to read your Luke fic. No kidding.
Oh, by the way, I love it when people review this story and say "I don't
like slash/LukexPercy/Luke or Percy being gay, but I liked this". Absolutely
love it. It says to me that even though they weren't into some things about
the narrative, my writing was so compelling to them that they enjoyed it
anyway. (I don't really think Luke's gay, by the way. He and Thalia totally
have something special. )
Again, I can't tell you how much this review meant to me. It's the best
review I've ever received, ever, in my entire history of writing. I think you
changed my life tonight a little bit. Luke, of course, is one of my favorite
characters (thank you for not metaphorically tearing me apart and stealing him
back from my clutches for making him fall for Percy), so to have someone tell
me that I captured him perfectly is both a shock and immensely gratifying. It
makes me want to write more!
I can't say thank you enough. I now have the utmost respect for you. bows And
I'm going to give you credit for this, too.