Numb

They had all left an hour ago leaving me by my lonesome. I had just decided to leave when Chat joined me and convinced me to stay here with him and the guys. I think Numbuh 5 would be disappointed if she knew, I can imagine her glare at me. But what's the point, she has been pissed on me the last time anyway: handing around that much with Chat.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

One more time, just one more time then I'll stop. I swear it! Well here it goes. Once again I am piercing my flesh with those cruddy needles, pushing the fluid into my arm. Here goes an other another great trip. Man the guys would totally kill me if they knew what I was doing. I can't help it, once again it is Chats fault. He convinced me to try it once, so I did and now I'm stuck. I don't want to but I just can't stop.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I wish I wasn't doing this, what happened to the old me? It's my dads fault, my dad and Chat. Man I'm pathetic, next things I'll know I'll be crying like a cruddy girl. Well that's not gonna happen anytime soon. For the time being I'm still spared of that. Just sitting in the sofa while I'm strumming a bit on my guitar. Yeah guess I never mentioned that before: I'm the guitarist and once in a while I sing a word. Chat is the lead singer; so surprising don't you think he always has to be in the middle of the attention. The guy with the little beard is our drum player (I think he used to be from the KND cleaning service. You know the idiots who had to clean up our mess trying to keep things 'secret(?!)'.) His mate (the only one of use who didn't use to be a KND) is our bass, I don't like them.

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

As a matter of fact the only one in our band I like is Numbuh 5. Abby is our Keyboard player and Mix girl although she actually plays the piano. And sometimes she sings, I would never have thought it in the old days but Abby really has a great voice when she sings. She completely wipes Chat of the stage when she does. That's why he doesn't let her sing too often but she doesn't mind anyway. Crud, the bearded guy vomited in the middle of the place. Well their problem 'cause I ain't gonna clean it up. Maybe it's better that they 're all so high, at least they don't notice me with my diary here.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Men I feel so numb, just sitting here. You know music sounds weird when you're high. Crud I need to get sober again I was gonna check on Kuki hours ago because she hadn't shown up at the bar. I'm gonna tell you a bit more about that angelic person but you'll have to wait as I'm gonna start at the beginning. Well we all started developing the past years. For Abby and me it has been music. Although I must admit I enjoy writing a lot as well (it's the only thing I can do when I'm not sober). Hoagie is weirdly enough quite good at sports by now while he's still a genius at the computer stuff but he's miserably failing in being the funny guy. Nigel is still all on set on the being a leader thing (that is as long as he is not involved with someone as it's not in relationships) and the KND stuff, although now it is the TND stuff. That's right we're still all operatives. The TND works together with the KND, it's like some kind of marriage between companies Nigel says (no idea what that means though). For Rachel it's still the big boss thing as well and Fanny is totally getting into the feminist political thing. Kuki has turned her interest to the drawing. She says she wants to go study arts after our high school. Kuki, that's right I almost forgot I'm supposed to go see if she's alright. I stand up walking to the door slowly, from what I hear it's raining outside. Great that'll sober me up!

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

Chat stops me, grabbing me by the shoulder. "What 'cha up to Beetles!" he asks his voice sounding all weird. Now I know he's grabbing me to stay on his feet and not necessarily to stop me. "None of your business!" I snapped back. (Why not, he will have forgotten everything by tomorrow.) "Come one Beetles leave your girls to wait and stay here just as the rest of us. If you want to be a rocker you have to."

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

"I'm not planning to be like you!" I said aggressively pushing him of off me. Then I stormed out. I don't want to be like him, I don't want to be like him, I don't want to be like him. I keep repeating it to myself over and over. I want to be me again.

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

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Author's note: I don't own the lyrics, they're from from "Numb" form Linkin Park. You can expect song chapters regularly (it was the only way I could come up to visualize the music). As Wally is a rock star music is something very important for him so that's why. I am quite sure that I will only be using Linkin Park songs for this story (I think they fit the idea and create the right atmosphere). For those who thought the previous chapter was to jolly or boring don't worry from here on things will only get darker and action is coming. This is just my (first) try to create a sex, drugs and rock and roll story from a dark angle. Anyway I hope you like it and please REVIEW! (But please no flamers.)