Once again i can't thank you all enough for your reviews and for taking the time to read this xxx To the peaple i couldn't reply to please know your words mean so much.
To the person who asked about siblings carrying the older/younger bond into childhood (Sorry i couldn't reply as you left no email addy) , in answer to your question, i have a younger brother (five years younger) we have that bond that you asked about, it runs so deep that i don't think i would be able to breathe without him. He is forever my younger brother and we always introduce each other as the 'older sister' 'younger brother'. It's just the way we are. I think if it's something you've always done then it's ingrained. I am amazingly proud to be my bro's older sister, as he is to be my younger brother. We've been through so much together that maybe thats why we're so close. My brother is over 6' and is lean muscle, but he's mine to protect so if anyone sides up to him i get myself in the way. Thats how it is for some older siblings. Thats their role. To protect. I hope that answers your question. x
ok, now onto the last chapter.
His chest felt constricted yet still he ran . Ran toward her, she stood at the edge with arms wide open. Beckoning.
He ran until his feet blistered and his muscles burned yet still he couldn't reach her.
Yet still she stood, arms wide open. Her only focus her son. His only focus the mother he so desperately wished to be with. To hold and treasure, the have as his own as she once was.
With every step he seemed to get farther and farther away, he could see her standing there, the white nightgown billowing in the wind. A dark shape behind her, walking forward. He tried to scream, tried to warn her. Tried to save her from the death that would end his life. The flames billowed behind but still he ran toward them, the shape wrapped it's arms around his mother and she screamed, screamed for Sammy.
Dean gasped as his body tried to jump upward away from the dream, away from the bed that had beckoned sleep and lulled him into a false sense of security. The second he started his ascent the air was pulled from his lungs and his throat could barely pull in replacements. Sam was by his side in seconds, holding him upright, rubbing his back but still he couldn't get enough air. His heart began to race and as the beats increased he was sure that Sam was being deafened by the noise. The rubbing on his back became rhythmic thumping , suddenly his world tilted and was pulled from him and then he was laying down, a hand against his chest. . Words being forced past the thud thud thud of his heart. The hand again, but this time it moved from his chest to his throat and began to massage. He needed Sammy. Where was Sammy? If he couldn't have his mother, if he was denied his father, then he'd protect Sammy till he'd succeeded, until his little brother lived his life fully and never had to know pain again, never had to know loss again. He was the guardian of the innocence yet he had failed and now he didn't know where his brother was. Asleep again on the job Dean. Why is it every time you sleep or turn away you lose Sam? Why is it you can't follow orders? So sorry Dad, so sorry.
Sam watched as Dean lost the fight and his eyes once again rolled back. Not good, so not good. His brother had slept fitfully for two hours but in the last half an hour his breathing had become ragged. Sam had sat by his brother again and checked his throat. It didn't seem any more swollen. In fact it seemed to be almost back to it's normal size. That's when he'd noticed the REM. That's when he'd realised Dean was trapped inside the dream, unable to set himself free. Sam had rushed to get some water to cool his brother down. When he'd begun to hyperventilate he'd barely made it back in time to help Dean sit up . Yet still he couldn't breathe.
Sam laid his brother back down and rubbed his chest, he was hyperventilating but no amount of coaching, no amount a reassuring touches seemed to help ground Dean. He passed out suddenly, his breathing catching and then nothing.
Pulling him upright Sam slid behind him and let Dean's body rest against his own. He was breathing but it was so shallow, so weak. Not the Dean he knew, not the Dean that raised him. His Dean was strong and invincible. When did it all go so wrong? When did the joke become the sting in their lives? The infection in their happiness. All of it happened too quickly. All of it over in less than two years. So many people had died. He couldn't lose Dean. All other pain and grief had threatened to drag Sam under, threatened to show him the way out. But always there was hope , always there was light. His brother guided him through the darkness. He always knew the way. No, he'd always known the way. Now Sam knew they both needed to pull each other through. Dean had opened up, his fears, his vulnerabilities. But Sam knew that was barely a scratch in the surface of the pain that ran so deep. Why didn't he ever realise how damaged his brother was? He tightened his hold on his brother as he realised how much they really had in common. How much loss they both held, how all their loved ones had flown away. All they wanted to do was fly after them.
"Hey! Hey man, you're ok Dean, it's ok, you're ok."
Dean felt Sam grip onto him tighter. Little brother was panicking. Had he caused that? His body ached all over and he had a vague recollection of the dream that had plagued him for the past two weeks. The lingering pain. A pain he could deal with. No problem. Don't worry Sam I'm ok, just gotta catch my breath.
"It's ok Sam."
"What?" Laughed Sam disbelievingly.
"It's ok, I'm ok."
"No man, no you're not. You just hyperventilated and passed out."
"That's no excuse."
"What? No excuse for what?"
"For your little chick flick huggy moment. Come on dude get out from under me. We're brothers man and you know I don't swing that way."
Sam spluttered as he tried to control the blush that crept across his features. He carefully manoeuvred out from beneath Dean and piled the pillows up behind his brother, keeping him upright to ease his breathing.
"You're a pervert you know that?"
"I wasn't the one cuddling his big brother." Whispered Dean.
"I wasn't cuddling!"
"Bet you used to cuddle Jess."
"She liked it."
"Bet you instigated it."
Sam had no rebuttal, he just stood, open mouthed and smiling slightly as he remembered so many happy memories with his Jessica. Dean grinned as he watched the panic literally leaving his brother. That was the one thing he was always good at. Bringing Sam out of whatever panic was taking him over, putting him back into a happy place and allowing him to relax before the weight of the moment overcame him.
Sam allowed his body to relax, but refused to let Dean deflect the conversation so easily.
"So what were you dreaming?"
"Huh?" Croaked Dean.
"Your dream, what was it about?"
Dean pursed his lips as he watched Sam boil the kettle. "Don't remember." He averted his eyes , not wanting to lie directly to his brother.
"That's crap and you know it."
Sam poured hot water onto a cloth and waited for it to cool slightly before bringing it to Dean, he gently pulled Dean's head forward and wrapped the cloth around his neck and throat. The relief obvious as Dean closed his eyes and let out a contented sigh.
Dean nodded. He still couldn't look Sam in the eyes but he knew what look he was getting. It was the 'I'll sit here and wait for you to talk until the oceans rise to drown us' look. Dean swallowed several times, not trusting his voice and not just because of the injuries he'd sustained.
He looked to his right, toward the door.
He sighed and swallowed. Closed his eyes and tried to ignore the presence next to him.
And still Sam waited.
Sam kept quiet.
"She was standing on a cliff and I couldn't get to her." Dean closed his eyes as Sam put a hand on his shoulder. An anchor against the emotions that were threatening to spill. Had been boiling to the surface since he'd pulled himself from the Djin's clutches.
"I miss her so much Sam, even in my dreams I can't get close enough. Even in my wishes it never works out."
"It's worth it, I know, you said." Even in a broken whisper the tone of Dean's voice hurt Sam.
"I know, I know what I said and I still stand by it. All we're sacrificed and all we've lost. It's worth it Dean. We've saved so many people. We've helped so many and protected so many and through it all it's a little bit of revenge on the evil that took Jess, that took Mum. That took Dad."
Dean lifted tearful eyes to his brother.
"Dean, man, we've made such a difference. And yeah, if I could I would change it all. For a second more with Jess and Mum and Dad. A second more of real time with them. Not a wish, not a dream, but real honest to god time with them as they were. But it's not gonna happen. Not yet."
"Not yet?" Dean blamed the soreness of his throat for the catch in his voice.
"No, not yet." Sam smiled at his brother, at the full attention he currently had. "But someday we will have that time again. Someday we will be able to go to them. They'll be waiting for us. You might not believe but I do."
"Enough for the both of us?"
"More than enough."
"Yeah, it really does. But until it's our time to go to them. And I mean our real time to go to them. Then we're gonna fight and carry on. And that means not putting ourselves in harms way needlessly."
"He was gonna drop a coffee table on your head." Defended Dean.
"Yeah, maybe. But that's no excuse for throwing yourself in harms way Dean. You dragged yourself free of the Djin because there are more people to save, there's more good to do. You held on man."
"And for you." Had Sam not been so close he would have missed the words.
"It took strength Dean . And I'm so proud of you for doing that. For coming back to me. You had it all but you left."
"I didn't have it all, we weren't ..you know." Dean gestured weakly with his hand.
"I know. But we are. So please man. No more reckless moves. And please let me help you ok?"
Dean nodded and allowed his brother to pull the covers up to his chest. Sam replaced the now cool towel with a warmer one and watched as Dean settled further into the bed. The weight that had been around his shoulders for the past two weeks lifted slightly. Dean had only conceded a small amount but it was enough. More than Sam had expected. Dean had come back for him, had fought his way back to the only real family he still had. His brothers loyalty always swelled Sam's heart. Always made him feel guilty for the times when he'd left.
He wouldn't be leaving his brother again . Never . It was the two of them against the evil in the world. Side by side. Holding on.
Sam smirked towards his brother and was rewarded with a finger in return. But as Dean's soft singing filtered gently through the room Sam felt his eyes grow heavy and his soul grow light as he drifted towards peaceful sleep.
"Then he starts to play.
Suddenly the pain slowly fades away,
Tattered, torn and frayed,
There's a place within his heart
He'll always save for the song and emotion."
The song Dean sings througout is called 'Song and Emotion' by Tesla. Amazing song and one you should go listen to ;o)
Thanks again , and i'll see you at the next fic...