One bright and sunny Saturday, the Cullens, along with Bella, were stumped at what they should do. They could not go outside unless they wanted cars to crash from their unusual appearance, unless your Emmett and is begging Jasper for him to join, they sat on the couch thinking.
Emmett looked at the chandelier and then Bella. He smiled an evil smile.
"Dont even think about it Emmett!" Edward growled.
Emmett's smile dropped and crossed his arms like a 5 year old, but yet flaunting his muscles.
He then looked at the kitchen, then the oven, and then back to Bella with yet another evil grin.
"Not a chance." Edward snarled. Bella looked at him confused but he kept glaring at Emmett.
"Oh come on Edward! Like I would actually do that." he sniffed, he looked away and thought some more evil plans.
Edward let out a growl, "Shut up Emmett!"
Emmett laughed until Rosalie slapped his arm making it sound like two rocks clicking together.
He pouted and rubbed were Rosalie hit him, "That hurt." he whined.
"Good." she said and looked at the TV.
Bella sighed and Edwards arm tightened around her pulling her closer to his chest. She was then squirming around under his grip.
"Edward!" she said faintly.
He looked down at her, "Yes?" he said in a dazzling tone.
"Cant...breath!" she said. He immediatly lossened his grip but her eyes were still wide.
"Breath Bella." he said.
She shook her head, "I have an idea!" she said.
"Oh! Is it a make over! Or shopping! Or, oh I know! How about both!" Alice said immeadiatly.
Everyone stared at her with eyes that told her she was strange, Jasper twitched away.
Bella took a deep breath, "Umm...no, not that Alice."
She frowned and looked at Jasper, "You'll let me give you a make over...wont you Jazzy?" she said in a small voice like you talk to a puppy.
He looked at Emmett who was snickering and then Edward who read Emmett's mind and burst out laughing, and then back to Alice, "Uh..."
"You know you want one." she said suductively.
He loosened the collar around his neck and gulped, "Umm...I do?"
She leaned in closer, "Uh huh..."
His eyes grew wide and he looked at Edward for help, but Alice pulled his face to look at her, "Your getting a make over whether you like it or not!" she growled and pulled, or dragged, him up the stairs.
We heard a click from the bathroom door and then a girly squeal...and it wasnt Alice.
"SAVE ME!!!!" Jasper squeeled.
"SIT DOWN AND PUT ON THAT PINK ROBE THIS INSTANT!" Alice ordered.
"Ye...yes Alice." Jasper said in defeat.
They all looked at the stairs, all the guys were frightened no doubt by the last time they had one.
Emmett suddenly had a hat in his hand and put it over his heart, "Far well my good brother, we all knew your manly self well." he said frowning.
Rosalie hit him again and he winced, "Owwyy!" he said.
"Act your age or your joining Mr. Fruitcake!" she said gesturing upstairs.
He curled his lips behind his teeth making it look like he had none, "Yes ma'm." he said in a 99 year old man's voice.
She smacked him again, "Your human age!"
He snickered and gave her a dazzling smile. She rolled her eyes but tried not to smile.
Bella stared at everyone with huge wide eyes, "Ooookay." she said.
She clapped her hands together, "So heres what I thought we should do, we should--"
"NOT THE PINK ONE! ANYTHING BUT THE PINK ONE!" Jasper squeeled.
"ITS THAT OR THE ONE WITH SPARKLES!" Alice growled.
There was a silence, "OKAY! OKAY THE PINK!" he said.
Edward shook his head, "Poor guy."
Bella sighed, "Can we move on?"
"Not like anyone is listening." Rosalie sneered.
Edward gave her a glare and she crossed her arms. She told him to bite her and he said Carlisle already did in their little heads.
Bella bit her lower lip softly, trying not to bite it to hard were it would bleed and Jasper would get a new make over from Edward. And its not professional.
Edward shifted his body to Bella, "I would like to hear what you want to do."
Bella smiled and turned her body to him too, "Okay, so we should-"
Carlisle came in the house, slamming the door so hard the door knob left a dent in the wall. Esme wont be too happy.
Bella jumped and everyones eyes were on Carlisle, who was screaming on the phone.
"No! No! I never did that to your wife! And I have no clue how you got that idea!" there was a pause and his face scrunched up.
"WELL YOUR WIFE WAS WRONG! I NEVER DID THAT TO HER! AND I NEVER WILL!" there was another pause.
"What do you mean why wouldnt I?! Shes your wife!...Of course she is attractive but...NO! NO! I didnt mean it that way! I meant shes attractive for you but not me...shes attractive to you but not me..." his voice got real low.
"Listen here, Im not going to argue okay? I just dont find your wife pretty enough for me to do that. She your type, not mine. I only have one person I would do that too, okay? And she happens to be my wife. Sorry for the miscomunnication but obviously your wife has lost it...YEAH! YEAH! thats exactly what I said!...Oh shut up! Just get off the phone, youve wasted my time enough...yeah yeah whatever good bye." he shut his phone.
He gritted his teeth and stared at the phone for a long time.
Bella looked at him shocked and Edward cleared his throat trying to get his attention.
Carlisle looked up from the phone crumbling in his hands and looked at everyone starring at him with wide eyes.
He smiled sheepisly and chuckled without any humor, "I uh...miscalculations..."
Edward nodded, "Again?"
Carlisle looked at him, "Uh, yeah! Yeah...er...a nurse, she uh let her imagination go..."
Edward nodded, "Ill tell them later."
Carlisle smiled, "Dont tell Esme, last time she got...well...upset."
Bella looked confused, "Last time?"
Carlisle pursed his lips, "Yeah, Kendra she uh...prefers me more then her husband, Im her...fantasy."
Bella looked at Edward and away, "How many times has this happened?"
Carlisle rocked on his heels, "This is the 10th."
Bella's jaw dropped. Edward looked at her, "You should hear the stories she makes up...actually...no...no I really dont think you should." He frowned.
Emmett looked at Carlisle, "What was it this time?"
Carlisle looked at him and Rosalie, "She said that me and her were in the work room expressing our love for each other."
Emmett snorted, "And thats why her husband got so upset?"
Carlisle tilted his head, "She said it lasted 14 hours."
Emmett stopped and stared at him. Rosalie sighed, "And the real story?"
He sighed, "I offered her a donut, I told her I didnt like the ones with nuts. She took it and said she loved the ones with nuts and I smiled at her while handing it to her..." he shuddered.
Rosalie tried not to laugh, "Shes so weird! What color was her hair?"
We all looked at Rosalie with an eyebrow raised.
Carlisle looked at her, "Red...why?"
Rosalie shrugged, "Blondes like sprinkle donuts, Brunettes like chocolate, Blacks like glazed, and Reds like nutty ones."
"NOT TRUE!" Alice called from upstairs.
"UH HUH! I'LL PROVE IT!" she said.
She looked at Bella, "You, with the mucky brown hair, whats your favorite kind of donut?"
Bella jumped back, "Chocolate."
Rosalie smiled, "SEE!" she yelled to Alice.
Emmett perked up, "What about people with Bronze or Carmel hair?"
Edward narrowed his eyes at him, but was yet curious also.
Rosalie shrugged, "Easy, Bronze like Cinnamon and Carmels like...well...carmel."
Emmett crossed his arms, "Okay, what about a blonde that got highlights? Or is getting them." he referred to Jasper.
"SAVE ME!" Jasper yelled.
Rosalie looked up the stairs, "Donut holes, drr."
Carlisle got in, "Okay, what about people streaked hair?"
Emmett perked up, "Did you say streaking?!"
Rosalie rolled her eyes, "Not like that! And no, were not doing that...again." she shuddered.
Edward sniffed, "Yeah, Charlie has been here more than hes been at his own house."
"Anyway, streaked hair people like Jelly filled."
"White hair?" Carlisle asked.
"Powdered donuts, of course." she said examining her nails.
"Gray hair?" Edward asked. Bella looked at him and he shrugged.
"Coffee donuts." she said.
Emmett perked up, and jumped to his feet, "How about this...blue haired girls!"
They all nodded agreeing, that was hard.
"Ha, ha what a challenge," Rosalie said sarcastically, "Blueberry."
He hit his forhead, "Dang! I should have known."
"Pink haired?" Bella said in a small voice, but since the room was filled with vampires, they heard her.
"Strawberry." Rosalie growled. Bella backed down.
"How do you know all of this?" Edward asked.
She turned her direction towards him, "If you dont remember I worked at a donut shop before thank you very much."
Emmett smiled, "Oh yeah!", then he frowned, "Hey, didnt someone hit on you there?"
She smiled succesfully, "Sure did. I still have his number."
Emmett shot a mad glare at her, "Whats his name? His hair color? His date of birth? His eyes color? His height? His weight? His age? Where was he born? Where does he live? IM GONNA KILL HIM!"
Rosalie looked at him, "His name is John, his hair color is brown, his date of birth is March 13, his eye color is hazel, his height is 6'2, his weight is...Im not sure, his age is 20, he was born in New Jersey, and he lives there also."
Emmetts jaw dropped, "How do you know this?" he squeeked.
She pressed her hand to his chest, "Not like I cheated on you, he just flat out told me. Literally he came up to me and told me flat out everything."
Emmett snarled and then looked at Carlisle, "You dont mind if I take a trip to New Jersey for a long time?"
Carlisle rolled his eyes and walked upstairs.
"CARLISLE! JUST IN TIME! I JUST GOT THROUGH WITH JASPER AND GUESS WHAT? ITS YOUR TURN!" Alice screamed.
Carlisle let out a girly scream and was down the stairs and in Emmetts arms shaking like a leaf. They look at each other and Carlisle hops out and smooths out invisible wrinkles embarassed.
Alice was in his face in no time and grabbed his tie, "There you are! I thought you had ran away from me for a second! But I knew you better than that! Come on, I got some left over hair dye!" she dragged him up the stares while Jasper came back down, well, stumbled is more of the word, since he was dazed and scared for life.
Emmett looked at him and started laughing, "You look like a clown!"
His hair was a shade lighter blonde and had blue eye shadow on. His lips where shiny and he wore no doubt a half a tube of mascara. Nothing happened to his out fit but he had on a pair of stilettos. His blush was in two even pink circles on both cheeks. He had on strip of eye liner on his top eye lid.
Bella covered her mouth and tried not to laugh.
Alice was suddenly in front of Emmetts face with an evil look in her eye, "I wouldnt be laughing," she said like a murder, "Your next." she said, then disappered.
Emmett stopped laughing and instead looked as if he had witnessed a murder, his murder.
Edward pointed and laughed at Emmett. Rosalie shot him a glare.
"YOU TOO EDWARD!" Alice called.
He stopped and had the same look as Emmett.
Jasper came down and sat with Rosalie and Emmett since they were farther away from Bella.
Edward looked at Bella finally after he was done with his trance, "Uh...love, what were you trying to say?"
Bella looked away from Jasper and smiled at him, "Oh right, well I think we should-"
"CARLISLE CULLEN!" Esme said walking in. Carlisle was at her side with his hair sticking up with aluminum in it.
"Yes dear?" he said. Everyone uncovered their ears to hear.
"What is this?" she hissed pointing to the dent in the wall.
He opened his mouth but then shutted it. He crossed his arms and covered his mouth with his hand. Then wiped his mouth with it, "I have no clue."
She pointed a finger at him, "Dont you dare lie to me! Dont even try! Tomorow when Lowes or Home Depot is open, guess where your going to be?"
"Work?" he said hopefully.
She pursed her lips, "Okay, after work."
He winced, "Home?"
She slapped his arm, "Your visiting Home Depot!"
Emmett snickered and she looked at him, "Whats so funny?" she asked in a kinder voice.
"I think its just funny how Home Depot is spelt, I mean, if you draw it out its spelt like De Pot!"
Everyone looked at him like hes lost it, which isnt the first time.
"What? Its true." he said.
Jasper was suddenly holding a peice of paper with his beautiful handwriting on it, "Hes right."
He showd Carlisle, who showd it to Esme, who showd it to Bella, who showd it to Edward, who showd Emmett, who showd Rosalie, who crumbled it up and showd it to the trash can.
Esme poked her finger in Carlisles chest, "Tomorow." she snarled.
"Yes dear, how was your day?" he asked.
She slammed the door which she now noticed was open still, "Good, I found flowers for the new garden Im starting."
Edward was the one who snickered this time.
Esme looked at him, "What is it this time?" she asked.
Edward looked at Carlisle, Carlisle pleaded for Edward not to tell Esme what he said in his mind. Which was , 'Oh great, thats the fourth garden shes going to kill.'
Edward looked back at Esme, "Nothing, Alice told me a funny joke, it went something like this. Carlisle better get back up there or else he's not going to be a blonde for long...something along the lines of oh I dont know..."
"BLACK!" Alice said.
Carlisle's eyes widened and he ran up the stairs after kissing Esme's cheek.
She smiled and came over to sit next to Emmett, again, away from Bella.
"Also," Emmett said, "I always wondered about PetSmart. Is it Pet Smart, or Pets Mart?"
Everyone looked stumped, "I think it depends on where you live. Like in the south or north." Esme said.
They all nodded their heads.
Edward looked at Bella again, "You were saying?"
She smiled, "The perfect thing I thought of was-"
"HOLD STILL!" Alice screamed.
"BUT YOU NEVER WAXED MY EYEBROWS BEFORE!" Carlisle whined.
"WELL I LOST THE TWEEZERS NOW HOLD STILL!" she screamed.
Emmett sighed and shuddered, "I remeber when that happened to me."
Jasper nodded, "Yeah, but mine looked good."
We all looked at him, "Their still the same, doofus." Rosalie said.
"No way! Mine too!" Emmett squealed.
"When did she do that?" Bella asked.
"When we where developed." Edward said.
Bella looked confused, "Like, right after or when you knew each other, or perhaps a few weeks later."
"A few weeks later." all the men said together, even Esme.
Bella looked at her, "She did yours too?"
She shook her head, "Oh no, mine where fine. But once magazines were invented and it said how eyebrows should look, well, the men had no choice."
They all shuddered at once.
"CARLISLE! GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" Alice screamed.
Carlisle was at the last step of the stairs, "YOULL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"
"Your already dead, stupid!" Rosalie said.
Esme scolded her and she shut up.
Carlisle jumped over the couch and landed next to Esme, "Hello."
She gave him a smile.
Alice came down with scissors, "Here, Carlisle, Carlisle, Carlisle." she said acting like she was calling a cat.
"Stop Alice." Edward said. She shot him a glare.
"Just hold on for a second at least." he said.
"Why?" Rosalie said enjoying Carlisle looking like a mouse in the eyes of a snake.
"Bella has something to say." he said. He looked at Bella.
She smiled and everyones eyes where on her, "I had a plan. Since it was bright outside you know."
"Spit it out Swan." Rosalie said.
Bella jerked back but stood her ground, "Okay, I came up with something fun that we could all participate in since we are all here now."
"What is it dear?" Esme said.
Bella smiled, "We all have a contest!"
Emmett perked up, "What kind of contest!" he squeeked.
She clapped her hands together, "We see who can hold their breath the longest!" she smiled.
Everyone stared at her like she had lost it.