Disclaimer: Nope, I do not ownth this! Just the original stuff!

Warning! This chapter contains some swearing, catfights, serious Ginny Ron Hermione bashing, and tiny bit of smutty goodness (nuffin graphic, promise!)

Chapter 3- McGonagall Makes Little Kids Cry

Harry shouted for the goblin to go faster as he and Fornok made their way down to the oldest vaults in the bank.

The cart stopped all too soon as they came to vault number 1. A warm sense of acceptance came from within the vault; something calling to him and singing happily at his return.

Grinning stupidly, Harry preceded towards the giant metal doors ignoring Fornok who was shouting at him to stop. Putting his hand against the cold metal he pushed the door lightly, all the wards surrounding the vault shutting down and crackling around to him.

The door creaked open and green smoke billowed out. Turning around Harry spotted a gaping Fornok. Whipping back around Harry turned and walked into the vault and right to the middle of the room where a letter rested on a raised platform. Grabbing it and opening he read.

My Dearest Harry,

Smiling at this he read on.

You ASSHOLE!!!! I can't believe you didn't tell me about this…this FUN CONQUEST! What the FUCK is THAT! I have never in my years heard of something so stupid! Just wait till I get my hands on you, you are gonna be so sorry you even met me!

Ah, now that I have vented that I just wanted to tell you that I love you and that despite the fact that I can and will attack you on sight I think this idea you have has some merit. Don't read too much into that. So this idea you have for us to be mortals and fuck with everybody we meet I have decided that to do that we must have funding.

Inside this vault (which opens only to me and you and should I allow you to touch me again, any descendents we may have) is over 14 and a half billion galleons, even though the accumulation over the years might have upped that number as well as a few trinkets you might find of some liking. Use it wisely… what am I saying I'm writing to you

Don't do anything to get yourself put in jail… please…please!

All my love and annoyance,


Harry hugged the letter to his chest like a child and looked around. His heart lodged itself into his throat. He had spotted his…

"Sweetheart!" he called out seeing his pet coiled around his sword's sheath. The enormous snake opened a disinterest eye as Harry started to hug it.

"Master, you are invading my personal space…" The snake stated in Parseltongue as it flicked its ancient tongue out to taste the air around it.

"You've been spending too much time with Rain, Nellie…" Harry said happily back.

The Basilisk gave him an annoyed look before saying "Do I finally get to leave this place? It smells and I'm very hungry."

Harry picked up his sword, feeling all his power unlock from the bond he had place on them.

Miles away three figures all looked up feeling this power. Dumbledore and Voldermort assessed this power surge in two categories; threat or ally. The third looked up smile softly and whispered "Harry…"

Blinking owlishly Harry yawned and walked over to the Basilisk then frowned.

"Um Nells just one question… How am I gonna get you out of here without anyone noticing…" Harry said wincing as the serpent turned and gave him a look that said 'are you really that stupid?'

"You should know this by now but obviously you didn't bother to even look in your memories did you?" Cutting Harry off before he could speak the snake plunged on "I can shrink to the size of a garden snake and no, I will not kill any body if I look at them; I much too old and powerful for that silly bit of unrestrained magic without my consent" the snake said preening itself haughtily.

Harry blinked dully "O-Tay! Well please do" Nellie shrunk and Harry bent down to pick her up.

"Don't drop or crush me, you child!" The snake hissed warningly. Waving his hand, Harry proceeded to look around abit. Walking out of the vault Harry nodded the Fornok.

"Thanks for that! I'll take a look at the others later. Right now I'm gonna grab something to eat and head home" He stated sealing the vault once more and the wards jumping back around it.

The end of the letter came to Harry's mind as he walked down the street to the nearest eatery.

p.s. Oh and Harry! Here is a card that is connected to this vault, it only works for you and it works in the muggle and Magic world. Don't go over board 'kay?

"Who, me? Go over board?" Harry mumbled under his breath, grinning.

Huffing angrily, Rachel slumped against the wall of the room Dumbledore had so kindly provided for her. She knew it was Harry's magical surge she had felt and here she was, stuck in this room trying to pull off this half-ass plan that had no guarantee to work.

Infiltrate Hogwarts: Check

Locate Harry: Check

Communicate with said idiot: Nope

Check on Perinea: Not yet

Take over Hogwarts: Work in progress

Resurrect Salazar if a single scale is injured on my pretty Peri: He'd better pray…

Exact my Revenge!: Workin on that…

"Okay, so I basically have nothing done…" She sighed as she scribbled on a piece of paper.

Saturday, September 1st!

Harry Potter, once again had the very insane urge to kill those mortals for their stupidity. Honestly, who tosses their nephew out of a moving car? Walking over to Hedwig's cage he shrunk it (remember Gin-gin has her at Hogwarts) with a wave of his hand and picked up his trunk as Nellie hissed in annoyance poking her head out of his shirt.

"Just let me kill the fat one…" Nellie sniffed.

"Nope, I don't think he would taste too good. All that fat could do bad stuff to your tummy Nells." Harry said grinning at the over-protective serpent.

Nellie gave the stupid god an annoyed look before shrugging and hissed "Whatever, I'm going back to sleep. Warn me if you're going to do more summersaults out of moving vehicles."

"Right" Harry said to the already sleeping snake.

Walking into King's Cross he wandered over to platform 9 ¾. Walking through he ran into his favorite person, Draco Malfoy.

"Would you watch where you are going Potter?" The Malfoy heir snapped at our favorite dimwit.

Harry stared at him blankly then whispered to the ferret softly "The day will come when you will be judged, and if you have not chosen carefully which side you are on I can guarantee you a nice place deep in hell. I promise" Harry said hissing the last part in Parseltongue. The Blonde paled at this as Harry's eye's glittered insanely.

Cackling at this completed part of his plan Harry boarded the Hoggy-warts Express. Finding a completely empty compartment Harry set up a couple of wards on the door to warn him if someone tries to get in.

Then our man of the hour drifted off to sleep.

Annoyed by all that retched sun light Rachel strolled towards the barrier she saw which she assumed to 9 and ½ or whatever that old pedophile said. Having left all her things in a locked box in her room (can't be too careful around that old fart) she made her way onto the train thingy.

Coming upon the first compartment she found fully intending to kick out any body that is within it that she failed to see to brilliant green eyes open in shock.

Flashing her aura briefly Rachel opened her mouth only to be cut off.

"You know you aren't scaring anybody with your little magic tricks." Harry said calmly while his stomach filled with familiar butterflies.

"Harry…" Rachel said a bit breathless.

"Hey babe!" Our little dimwit responded happily. Her eyes lit up as she took him in.

"Harry, you… you… IDIOT!"

Harry winced; he knew from experience that his wife could get violent. Blushing a bit at that thought his eyes wandered lower hungrily.

"MY EYES ARE UP HERE FOOL!" She bellowed loudly pointing towards her face.

Harry waved his hand once again locking the door before getting up and walking over the red haired goddess. He raised his hand to caress her face.


Ron was very irritated indeed. He, his girlfriend (as he had been proud to tell anybody who listened) Hermione and Ginny had been searching for Potter since they had arrived and Hermione actually sounded worried for the little attention seeking ponce!

"Hermione don't worry about him why don't we just go find a compartment before they are all filled up." He said trying to make her focus on him once again.

"Your right Ron, I'm sure he is just fine…" Hermione said with a sigh.

Walking to compartment in the back of the train that they knew was empty most of the time they came upon a shocking sight.

"Stop it Harry…" Rachel panted as Harry nibbled on her neck.

Sharp raps on the door interrupted their fun. Taking his hand away from Rachel's breast Harry produced his wand (for show only) and unlocked the door.

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny all burst into the compartment with shocked looks on their faces. "Harry what the hell!" Ginny yelled her face a deep shade of red, "I told you I was in love with you and you just go around groping this… hussy!"

She moved to smack him when her hand was intercepted by another angry redhead.

"Never, never lay a hand on my man" Rachel snarled "And just who do you think your calling a hussy you little bint?!"

Ginny snatched her hand away and haughtily stated "For one thing Harry is my man and you are a hussy, touching on him like that."

Before it could come to blows Harry stepped between the two unstable redheads. "Ladies please calm down, if everyone will just have a seat I'm sure this can all be sorted out."

With more then a bit of reluctance, the five students had a seat.

"Ginny, you must be mistaken because I have a girlfriend… and it is not you." Harry said saying the last part quickly as Ginny stared smugly at Rachel.

"Wha…What?! But Harry we have something special! What about all those letters we exchanged this summer." Ginny stuttered.

Responding quickly as his wife's angry glare slowly turned towards him he spoke "Ginny for one thing I read not one of your letters, I just threw them out. Plus I don't remember responding to you except that I told you to stop writing me and that nothing had better happen to Hedwig."

Ginny's eyes filled with tears as her older brother's face went a disturbing shade of redish purple. Rachel smirked and let out the final blow.

"I read those letters and they were so cute! 'Oh Harry I have loved you since the Chamber incident, you complete me.'" She said amused as she read the little girls mind for this info before sending the memories to Harry who snickered causing Ginny to run out of the room crying.

Still snickering Harry found himself at wand point, two of them infact.

"Alright," Hermione said drawing herself up "Who are you and what have you done to Harry. The Harry we know would never treat anybody like that."

"Well Hermione what exactly can I say," Harry said shrugging "I have every right to stun both of you for pointing your wands at me for no good reason and as for your question I am Harry and I have every right to act however the fuck I wanna act."

The two Gryffindors, instead of listening to Harry and putting their wands away only continued to point their wands at him. Sighing Rachel got up and with a wave of her hand blasted them out of the door and locked it but not before shouting "When you learn not to point those sticks at people unjustly then I might consider letting you back in."

The train started up finally.

"Oh now it flipping moves." Rachel grumbled sitting on Harry's lap who chuckled quietly.

Draco Malfoy was certainly curious. First had seen the smallest Weaslette running crying from a compartment in the back, and never one to pass up an opportunity promptly laughed at her making her cry harder.

Thus he decided to bother Potter conveniently forgetting their little talk at the train station. He was a bit shocked to see Buck tooth Granger and her pet weasel being thrown out forcefully from a compartment. Apparently figuring to be stupid today Draco proceeded to go into the compartment… and was hit point blank in the face with a stunner.

Harry watched Malfoy crumble to the ground out cold. Smirking at this he got up and dragged the Slytherin to the seat opposite him and Rachel.

Harry sat back down then locked the door. Waving his hand the Malfoy heir woke up making Harry snicker slightly, his hair hadn't even moved even after being drug along the floor.

"What the hell Potter!" Draco stated angrily.

"Now now Draco," Harry said airily "I only wanted to talk ok? Have you been marked yet?" Draco sputtered at Harry's blunt question.

"Why should I tell you anything?" He responded coldly.

"Well Drake," Harry said smirking "I am willing to offer you a chose, you can be on my side or you can be with Voldie."

"Why would I want to be Dumbledore's lackey?" Draco asked "And don't call me Drake."

"I don't believe I said anything about Dumbles Drake. I frankly don't trust a man who is older than dirt. The thing is I'm going to win this war one way or another but I think you would be perfect for my army."

Draco blinked "Besides," Harry said calmly "Not only would you be able to get out from your dad's shadow, you also never have to bow down to that half blooded bastard you call a dark lord."

They sat in silence for few minutes.

Finally Draco spoke up "Ok Potter lets just say I believe you, can you guarantee my protection?"

Harry grinned "Of course Drake! I can even teach you a few things to protect that pretty little head of yours."

"Then you've got a deal."

"This is so depressing…" Rachel said as she rode in the boat with the little first years. Coming to the shore all the kids were ushered to two giant doors. Said doors opened and out stepped something out of nightmares, a tight lipped Professor McGonagall.

Rachel screamed as she spotted the woman, scaring a few first years into hysterics. McGonagall spent the next few minute trying to calm them all down and scowling at the redhead making her scream again. Twenty minutes later the slightly traumatized and twitching first years were brought into a room to wait.

Never being one to not use unsupervised time wisely Rachel waved her hand and used a spell no one had heard of, making all the first years all master Occumens.

Finally bringing her old ass out of the other room,

McGonagall brought them in the Great Hall after a sharp order to get in a straight line, earning another scream from Rachel. Seething the old Transfiguration teacher opened the door before sweeping in doing a fairly good impression of Snape when her robes billowed like that.

Strutting in behind the first years Rachel waved cheerfully to Draco who actually waved back.

Then that hat started singing, it was pretty long and boring so Rachel sat down at the Ravenclaw and yawn while pretending not to hear Minnie as she hissed for her to stand up. Then the first years were called up, as McGonagall decided to ignore Rachel's existence, much to Harry's amusement.

Acree, Suzy

A cute little girl who barely looked nine walked up to the stool an sat down, and then the old biddy put the hat on her. After about five minutes the hat seemed fed up about something. Rachel smirked when the hat turned to look at Dumbledore.

"Albus, this girl has very strong magic barrier on her mind I can't breach them and she seems not to be aware of them."

Dumbledore stippled his fingers under his chin before motioning for McGonagall to bring the young lady aside and finish the sorting. This reoccurred with all the kids who looked more then a bit upset, Dumbledore frowned.

Snickering quietly Rachel released her hold on the children as Dumbles decided to probe the children. He was startled to find their minds open books with no defenses at all 'What was that hat talking about?' Dumbledore thought.

"Try it again please Minerva" Starting all over again the firsties got sorted then it was Rachel's turn. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled uncontrollably as he had told the hat to put her in Gryffindor. Yup, every thing was going as planned…