His Kath

Summary: When you got home I overheard some Starfleet officers talking, 'Captain Janeway's come back crazy,' they said. They weren't wrong. WARNING: The narrator of this story may be mentally unbalanced.

Disclaimer: Paramount. Need I say more?

When you got home I overheard some Starfleet officers talking, 'Captain Janeway's come back crazy,' they said. They weren't wrong. You were cold, calculating and obsessed with getting justice for your crew. But you were Kathryn Janeway, and I loved you. It was that simple fact that meant both my marriages had ended in disaster. For me, everyone else paled in comparison to you. That was something I had learned to live with. But it was also why when you came to me, soaking wet and freezing cold in a summer storm, I let you in. For years I did not understand why you came to me that first time, but later I realised - it was duty. That's what your life revolved around after you're return. It was as if Kathryn had died and only the Captain remained, and duty was all she knew.

The times you came to me after that were, I think, the only times you let duty rest for a while. You came to me so you could remember the woman you used to be, and I was happy to oblige. I never felt more complete than when I made you scream like that, just because I knew no one else could. You didn't even scream my name, it was always his, but that didn't bother me; not when I was the one who got to hold you as you shook.

The one time you let yourself sleep in my arms, I studied you. I did not dare sleep myself; I knew that it would be the last time I ever saw you. Besides, for that short while I could pretend that you were still my Kath.

Your hair reflected your personality, I thought - once vibrant and beautiful, now made of steel. And the worry lines that had always accompanied you awake now followed you into your dreams as well. But apart from that you were the same paradox you had always been - too thin, yet strong and somehow still soft, still my Kath.

Not long after that I'd heard you'd disappeared, presumed lost in action. But I knew better, you were too clever to disappear unless you wanted to. And no matter where you are now, no matter what you are doing, I know that you are still my Kath. And that is enough.