Hey, this is my first Wicked fic! Hope you like it, it's a parody-ish story of the musical we all love and adore….with a few deleted scenes and surprises here and there……and randomness. Lots and lots of randomness…!!

Please Read and Review! I don't mind constructive criticism. No really, I don't.

Title: WICKED Remixed!

Chapter One: Someone Mourns The Wicked?

Disclaimer: Don't own it, or any of the songs from it.


In the merry ol' land of Oz, the Citizens, aka the Ozians, were rejoicing. For what? We're about to find out.

Good news! She's dead!
The Witch of the West is dead!

Gee, that was quick.

The wickedest witch there ever was
The enemy of all of us here in Oz
Is Dead!
Good news!
Good news!

Suddenly, a random Ozian pointed to the sky. "Look, it's Glindaaaaaaaa!"

The rest of the Ozians squealed in delight as their bubbly leader (who really was a bubble) floated gracefully down to the ground.

"It's good to see me, isn't it?" she rhetorically asked the Ozians.

"No."

Ignoring the dissing, Glinda the Good Witch smiled at her loyal subjects. They all huddled closer to hear what she was going to say.

Suddenly, she began to squeak. I mean, speak. "Fellow Ozians…let us be glad! Let us be grateful! Let us rejoicify that goodness could subdue-"

"Rejoicify?" asked a Munchkin.

"Subdue?" questioned another.

"What do these words mean?" they asked.

Glinda stared at them. "Man, Munchkins really are small-minded."

"Look who's talking…" muttered the Munchkins.

"What was that?" said the blonde in a bubble.

"Nothing…Nothing…"

"Can I continue on with the good news?"

"Yes!"

Glinda flashed her pearly whites at the audience. "I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!"

The Ozians just stared at her while the crickets started chirping.

Glinda sighed. "You want to hear about the melting, huh?"

"Yes!"

"Fellow Ozians, the green thing is dead, it's finally dead!"

The Ozians cheered. "Hurray!!!"

Suddenly, an Ozian jumped up to the front. "No one mourns the wicked!"

Another Ozian joined in. "No one cries 'They won't return!'"

"No one lays a lily on their grave!"

"The good man scorns the wicked!"

"Through their lives, our children learn!"

They all chimed in. "What we miss, when we misbehave!"

Glinda, feeling left out, shouted "Hey, I thought this was about me!"

And Goodness knows
The Wicked's lives are lonely
Goodness knows
The Wicked die alone
It just shows when you're Wicked
You're left only
On your own

Feeling very philosophical, Glinda randomly blurted out "Are people born Wicked? Or do they have wickedness thrust upon them? After all, she had a father. She had a mother, as so many do…"

"Uh….I don't know," said an Ozian.

"Will this be on the test?"

"Shut up and let me tell the story!" Glinda snapped. Everyone stared at her. "I mean, gather around while I tell you the tale of the birth of a Witch…"


A big, fat, bald guy and a hauntingly pretty woman entered the thinking bubble above everyone's heads.

"I'm sorry, I have to leave…there's a big business meeting down in the Emerald City," the Father declared, rustling and bustling about.

The woman turned her back to him. "Oh, sure, it's only just one night anyway." She smiled wickedly. "One looooong, lonely night."

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing, I'll miss you Frex!"

"Try not to cheat on me while I'm gone, Melena, PLEASE?" He pleaded, looking like a sad little puppy.

Melena sighed. "Fine….I'll try my best."

"Thank you." He kissed her on the cheek and headed off. Once he was gone, Melena wiped the kiss off with disgust. She hurried to the back door and let the lover in.

"Sweet Oz, what took so long?" He said.

Have another drink, my dark-eyed beauty
I've got one more night left, here in town
So have another drink of green elixir
And we'll have ourselves a little mixer
Have another swallow, little lady,
And follow me dooooooooown

Nine months later…

"It's COMING!"

"Now?"

"No, tomorrow, that's why I'm lying here in UNEXPLAINABLE PAIN."

"Oh, right."

"The baby's coming!"

"And how?"

"Did you miss that day in health class?"

"Maybe…."

The midwife slapped Frex.. "Now is not the time! I see a nose, and a curl! Congrats, it's a healthy, perfect, lovely, little-OH SWEET OZ!!!!" She fainted in a heap on the ground.

"What's wrong?" cried Melena.

The midwife regained consciousness just in time to answer. "How can it be?"

'What does it mean?"

"It's atrocious!"

"It's obscene!"

"What the hell is going on down there?!" shrilled Melena.

Like a froggy, ferny cabbage
The baby is unnaturally …
Green!


"So you see ya'll, it couldn't have been easy!" Glinda announced. "To clash with everything, no wonder she was so evil."

But the Ozians were ignoring her. They just wanted to finish celebrating so they could get the heck out of there.

No one mourns the Wicked!
Now at last, she's dead and gone!
Now at last, there's joy throughout the land
And Goodness knows
We know what Goodness is
Goodness knows
The Wicked die alone


No one mourns the Wicked!
Wicked! Wicked! Wicked!

"Okay, we get the point," interjected Glinda, who was getting annoyed.

"Wait, we've got more!" screamed the Ozians.

Glinda rolled her eyes. "Fine…"

WICKED!!! WICKED!!! WICKEEEEEEEEEED!!!

"We're done now, Miss Good."

"Good."


"Well, this has been fun," Glinda concluded after the after party. Yes, talking smack about my dead best friend is OODLES and OODLES of fun…

"Smack?" asked the Ozians. "Where can we get some?"

"Never mind that. So now, if there are no more questions, I'm going to retire to my-"

"WAAAAIT!!!!" shouted an Ozian. "Miss Glinda, tell us, was she your friend?"

The Ozians gasped. Glinda the Good got a deer-in-the-headlights look plastered on her perfect face.

"Uh…well…poss….um….I….well….yes."

The Ozians gasped….again. One even fainted. But no one cared. Poor Ozian.

Glinda looked trapped. "But, it was a while ago, and besides her death feels like it was just yesterday. I don't want to talk about it."

"It was yesterday," an Ozian pointed out.

Glinda glared at him. "Crap, I might as well tell you, since you're not going to leave me alone about it. Here we go. Once upon a time, not so long ago…hey, don't look at me like that; I'm not that old…"


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