In response to Adi88's request.
I can remember the first time I ever knew that Hikaru and I were different.
It was just a small thing. No importance. Nothing even remarkable about it, beyond the fact that it destroyed a very important part of the foundation of my soul.
We were thirteen. Just after Tamaki had invited us to the Club, and we had let the Outside in a very little bit.
Hikaru was bored, and I had just finished my homework. He said, "Kaoru, will you be a dear and start a movie?"
"Fine. What do you want to watch?"
I dragged myself across the room, opened the movie closet, and reached automatically for a sappy chick flick that Mom liked to force us to watch. I didn't really like it that much – not really – but there were a few really splendid performances and I was in the mood for the love/hate relationship between the main character (a woman) and her eventual-new-best-friend.
And then I paused, and looked at the case.
I knew, in the part of me that was perpetually occupied by Hikaru, that Hikaru wouldn't like it. He always complained about it, always tried to weasel his way out of watching it – and I joined him, at those times.
But I was really in the mood for this movie…
I put it away and took up an action thing about explosions and tongue-in-cheek sidekicks and really-too-complicated-to-be-followed evil plots.
Halfway through watching it, it struck me that I had subverted my wants for Hikaru's.
And that I had had a want that was separate from Hikaru's.
And that, therefore, we weren't the same.
Sameness is a twin thing, though…
At that moment, I resolved myself to always be like Hikaru. If that called for subverting my terrifying new different personality beneath his…
So be it.
He was my brother, and I would do anything for him.
Even destroy myself.
And all of it, this moment that shook me to my core and forced me to rebuild myself in Hikaru's image…
…Was just a small thing, no importance, just a matter of what kind of movie I wanted to watch at the time.