Warning: Sanderscest, masturbation, language
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Summary: At the end of "Godsend" Jessica comes when Niki calls for help. What happens after she shows up?
Niki started to shake as the lights to her cell were turned off leaving her surroundings illuminated by nothing but the pale cool light of the moon.
When the guards had first pressed her against the smooth, clear surface of the plastic shield after she had approached one of them begging to be allowed to hug her son, her heart-rate had slowed down and a strange calm had settled over her. As they tightened the cuffs on her wrists and pulled her back there was a part of her that relaxed as she anticipated closing her eyes and waking up someplace … else.
Jessica always appeared in situations like that, when she was in danger and didn't know what to do, when she was afraid, she would just close her eyes and when they opened again whatever had been troubling her was gone. And she was certainly in trouble then, the guards were beyond fed up with her because of Jessica's outbursts, she was facing the death penalty, and her lawyer was scared shitless of her. It was the perfect opportunity for Jessica to come out and play, and Niki knew that Jessica had been longing for a chance to really let loose, to break them out of there and there was no better opportunity.
Only Jessica never appeared.
She was dragged down the hallway to the infirmary and stripped by female guards, dressed in mental ward blues and strapped into a straight jacket. She was carried down the bright white clean hallway to the dirty cell with the padded walls and injected with tranquilizers and through it all, Jessica never appeared.
Niki stared at the stained cloth covered wall opposite her shivering with increasing force as she felt the tranquilizers begin to take effect … still alone.
Niki closed her eyes a new wave of fear and anxiety rushing through her. She had never known how to summon Jessica, and for a long time she had never even known that Jessica existed inside of her. But over the past month she had become increasingly aware of her other self, and in the weeks that she had been incarcerated she had gained a heightened awareness of Jessica, she could feel the shifts coming, she was becoming more and more aware of what was being said and done when Jessica came out, they were even able to talk to each other without a mirror. She needed Jessica's help and cooperation to converse with her, but it could be done.
For weeks Niki had been almost constantly aware of Jessica and now that she couldn't sense her, that Jessica hadn't come out despite the danger that they had been in, Niki began to wonder if she had pushed Jessica too far and the other woman had left her to deal with her own mess. She wondered if she were truly alone, if Jessica had left her, and to her surprise the thought was enough to cause her whimper before squeezing her eyes shut against the tears that had suddenly formed.
"God, help me," Niki whispered softly trying to get control of her emotions and failing, turning her head into the dirty floor beneath her, her tears dampening the cloth under her cheek.
"Who needs God, when you've got me?"
Niki blinked as the words registered with her, it was her voice but not her voice. And then she felt it, the familiar tickle at the back of her brain.
She hadn't left her after all.
"Jessica," Niki breathed out, the tears she had been fighting so valiantly to stop only moments ago ceasing now that she was aware of the other woman.
"You do know there's really no place for me to go, right?" Jessica asked, her voice weary but not harsh. She sounded like a mother explaining to her daughter why she couldn't have icing for lunch for the fiftieth time.
"I couldn't feel you," Niki breathed out, her voice barely above a whisper.
"You've spent too long trying to block me out," Jessica replied with some annoyance in her voice. "I'm always here," she continued irritation spiking in her tone once again before she took a calming breath, "you've just never cared to look before so you're no good at it now," she finished her tone calmer by the time she finished speaking, mostly flat though Niki thought she detected a trace of hurt.
"I've never consciously tried to keep you away," Niki said finally, pausing for a moment to gather her thoughts as she struggled into a sitting position and moved herself over to one of the walls and propped herself up against it. "I didn't know."
Jessica sighed loudly. "I know," she said somewhat grumpily as they stared across the room. "It was better that way. You just would have fought me like you're doing now and nothing would have gotten done."
"You make me sound like a pig-headed three year old," Niki responded with a slight edge to her voice, wishing that she could look at Jessica and convey just how unimpressed she was with the other woman's attitude. She might not have large arms training, or know jujitsu or whatever the hell it was that Jessica knew how to do, but she wasn't useless.
"You make it sound like that isn't an accurate assessment," Jessica groused shifting against the wall trying to get more comfortable which was virtually impossible with their hands held behind their back.
"Fuck you," Niki muttered fighting against Jessica to maintain the position she had maneuvered her body into. She was fairly certain that if Jessica wanted to forcefully take over she could, but she was going to fight for control until it came to that.
"Promises, promises," Jessica drawled, their lips curving up into a naughty smile.
"Shut up," Niki muttered focusing her gaze on her feet, cursing to herself as she felt her cheeks get hot. She knew she was blushing and was glad, for once, that there wasn't a mirror around.
"You're the one that was crying for me," Jessica responded unconcerned, a slight upturn to her lips. She was quite pleased with Niki's response to her innuendo. Niki's relative innocence was extremely cute and she enjoyed playing with the other woman, not that she had gotten to do it much in the past.
"I wasn't crying for you," Niki replied turning her head towards the door as if she could turn away from Jessica by doing it.
"Yes you were," Jessica said seriously. "You missed me," she continued, the teasing or critical edge to her voice that Niki expected to hear surprisingly absent. "You know nothing new is coming from on high," Jessica continued softly. "Your prayers were answered a long time ago. I'm you're guardian angel, Niki."
"Angel of death, maybe," Niki replied softly though her tone wasn't as cutting as her words would indicate.
"If that's what it takes," Jessica replied firmly turning their head to stare forward determinedly, "to keep you safe and to protect our family. Then yeah, I will be … I have been," she went on her voice hardening a little as she spoke, cooling as she recalled all that she had done to protect the three of them. "I didn't mean to hurt him," Jessica continued her jaw clenching as she closed her eyes momentarily. "Whatever you think of how I've protected us, I'm not heartless. I love Micah, and I love you. You know that right, you know it was an accident," she finished her tone insistent by the end.
Niki took a deep breath tipping her head against the wall behind them.
"I know," she whispered softly. "I know."
Jessica released a shuddering breath but made no verbal response to Niki's words and so the cell lapsed into silence, the faint hum of machinery and the sound of the their breath the only noise in their padded bedroom for many minutes.
"This is killing me," Jessica said finally shifting irritably against the wall.
Niki smiled a little at that. "Me too," she responded before wincing slightly. She was sure that human bodies weren't meant to be restrained this way for extended periods of time.
Jessica smirked at Niki's response, her lips curling up in a predatory fashion before she ran her tongue across her teeth and then proceeded to flex, pushing their arms outward until the straps of the straight jacket began to rip and tear.
"Much better," Jessica declared a few minutes later lifting a hand to their head to brush some unruly strands of hair off of their forehead.
"To the rescue," Niki responded rolling her shoulders trying to ease some of the kinks out that had formed over the past hour.
"It's what I do," Jessica replied and though her tone was light enough to match Niki's, Niki knew that she was being perfectly serious.
Niki jerked backwards her head banging against the mercifully soft wall behind her as she felt her own hand unconsciously moving against her cheek. Jessica must have done it and the contact surprised her enough to make her jump back.
"You startle so easily," Jessica said softly. She paused in her caress of their cheek when Niki had moved, but now that Niki had settled down again she continued the gentle caress. "It's enough to give us a heart-attack … like when Joel snuck up on you at Ducet's party."
"Oh my god," Niki groaned as the memory came back to her. "I nearly peed myself. I was shaking for minutes," she continued shaking her head. "I think you're right you know, it really shook me up. I hardly remember anything about that party after he apologized and got me a drin…" Niki trailed off as she realized the implications of what she was saying knowing what she now knew about herself.
"Joel was an asshole," Jessica said simply knowing that no more was necessary. Nothing had happened, she'd made sure of that. The drugs had made it a bit of a close call, but she'd been able to fight her way past it … and then past Joel.
"Why didn't I ever suspect …" Niki wondered out loud dropping her head into her hands as she squeezed her eyes shut.
"Because you think the best of people," Jessica responded. "Because he was your friend and I made sure that you never knew what I did; that the people that supposedly care about you are often the ones that hurt you the most. But mostly because you're a good person, and mistakenly you think other people are too," Jessica went on, her tone gentle, almost wistful despite her words. "It's not a bad thing though, Niki. You were always so sweet. I'm glad you never lost that. I loved that about you," she continued softly. "I love that about you."
"How …" Niki began before closing her eyes and shaking her head, "how much … how much has it cost you to kept me … to keep me …"
"Pure," Jessica supplied helpfully as Niki searched for a word to describe what she now knew Jessica had been doing for far longer than she had realized.
"I'm not pure," Niki responded letting out a derisive little snort. Nuns and milkmaids and other pure, lily white personalities didn't take their clothes off in front of strangers for money.
"You are in the ways that matter," Jessica responded shortly, her terseness showing her deep feelings on the matter as clearly as a cracking voice and tears would have. "I know that. I know you."
"Jessica," Niki sighed softly, her hand twitching against her thigh. She wanted to hug Jessica, to touch her, to comfort her and thank her in some tangible way, but the very thing that allowed Jessica to protect her and save her prevented Niki from expressing her gratitude for those very acts.
Then she remembered what Jessica had done to make her jump earlier, how Jessica's touch had surprised her, and how the touch had felt familiar yet hadn't really seemed to be a part of her. Though it was her own hand touching her face, it had seemed like someone else's.
Jessica didn't jump back as she had done when Niki brought her hand up to her face and stroked her thumb along the smooth skin of her cheek. Jessica did tilt their head towards their hand however and close their eyes as Niki continued to gently touch herself, drawing her fingers over her forehead, behind her ears and over her nose before brushing her thumb against her lip.
Niki blinked in confusion as she felt her hand grasped in an iron grip, the fog she had descended into clearing slowly as she realized that Jessica had grabbed the hand she had at her face with her other hand as was, as she blinked, lowering it back down into their lap.
"It's late," Jessica said. Her voice was steady but there was an unusual tone to it that Niki hadn't heard before.
"It's not like we have big plans tomorrow," Niki responded uncertain what had caused Jessica to put an end to the calming touch she had initiated and decide that it was bed time.
"I do," Jessica replied coolly.
"Hey," Niki said lifting her hand to her face one more time, stroking her thumb like she had a few moments before.
"Don't," Jessica said reaching for her hand again, but this time Niki was prepared and fought her, maintaining the soft touch though the caress was somewhat strained. Jessica continued to pull at her hand however, and Niki felt herself losing the battle. However, as her hand was lowered she drew her thumb over her bottom lip and quickly kissed the tip of her finger in one last show of affection before Jessica forced the emotional distance between them once more by removing her hand completely.
"Ahh," Niki moaned as her lips settled against her thumb. Actually she wasn't sure that she had moaned, she heard the noise come from her body, but she didn't see why that sound would come from her or from Jessica, however, a second later she felt her hips jerk and a warm rush run through her body.
She knew that feeling.
One of them had definitely moaned, and that if the renewed strength with which Jessica was tugging at her arm was any indication, it was Jessica that was responsible for the longing vocalization.
"Go to sleep," Jessica said tersely in response. All gentleness and playfulness was gone from her voice which was now sharp and cool.
Niki brought her hand up to her chest and cupped her breast, squeezing slightly before running her thumb over her nipple. Her breath hitched and after running her thumb over the puckered nub a few more times she felt it contact and harden quickly under her touch, as usual. Her body had always responded to her own touch remarkably well, and she had scandalized herself in high school with how much she had liked to touch herself and how often she did it. She knew that everybody masturbated, but had secretly wondered if everyone enjoyed it as much as she did. She suspected they didn't, a feeling that only intensified when she continued to long for the pleasure her own hands brought her even after she was married. It wasn't that D.L. didn't bring her pleasure, it was just that she brought herself pleasure in a way that was different and intoxicating and that had to continue as much as possible even while in a committed, sexually healthy relationship. Tina had said that she was lucky to enjoy her own company so much, especially after D.L. had been sent away, but she knew now that she had never actually been on her own. She understood that she hadn't just been bringing herself off all of those years, she'd been giving Jessica pleasure too, she'd been feeling Jessica's pleasure, and her desire and excitement. Sometimes it had felt to her like her touch wasn't her own, she could feel fingers in her body or pinching at her nipples or grasping at her thighs and couldn't remember doing any of those things, but it all felt so good that she couldn't stop and she didn't care. But it hadn't been just her. She hadn't just been doing those things to herself. Jessica had with her, touching her, fucking her.
All those times clients had told her to go fuck herself when their time ran out on her site. If they only knew. If only she had known.
"Oh my god," Niki moaned her eyes fluttering shut as she felt her other hand move to cover the one she had on her breast, kneading it more firmly before one of her hands tailed down her stomach and under her shirt moving up her flat abdomen to cup her breast. "Jessica," Niki said knowing that she was no longer in charge of what her body was doing though she could feel everything she was doing to herself. "We can't, I mean this is …"
"How it's supposed to be," Jessica whispered, her voice rough and husky. "You and me, as one, Yin and Yang coming together to form a whole," she continued. "We can, Niki. We have, so many times," Jessica went on licking her lips. "We've been doing it since you were thirteen."
"But …" Niki said, until to say more for a moment as her fingers brushed over her nipple, before the firm bud was grasped firmly between her thumb and forefinger and twisted sending a ripple of pleasure through her body.
"I love you, Niki," Jessica said softly in response, her fingers gentling as she spoke. "Let me love you," she continued still touching Niki, kneading her breast slowly, a slightly pleading tone in her voice. What she said was true, they had been together in a way numerous times in the past, but this would be the first time that Niki would know she was there with her, that Niki would know that it was her, Jessica, who was bringing her body such pleasure. Niki had always been a part of her, and she wanted to be a part of Niki, she didn't want to be the phantom at the back of Niki's mind anymore. She wanted to be acknowledged, she wanted to be needed, but mostly she wanted to be loved.
"This is insane," Niki whispered as her head tilted back falling against the wall as the hand under her shirt began to move with more purpose and her other hand moved to her stomach, circling and caressing before sliding down.
"No," Jessica said as her hand slipped beneath the waist band of their pants. "It's love," she continued, a breathy sigh emerging from their throat a second later, "love that's transcended even death," she went on beginning to move her fingers slowly through the slick warmth between their legs. "It's fate, Niki. We were made for each other, we belong together," she continued, their hips jerking and her breath becoming more ragged as she spoke while making increasingly firm circles with her finger over their clit. "You know I love you, right?" Jessica asked moving her fingers down to tease their opening, her thumb playing at their clit for a moment before she pushed inside.
"Yeees," Niki breathed out raggedly, her head banging against the padded wall behind her as her ass lifted off of the ground arching up to meet her fingers. "Oh god," Niki moaned turning her head to the side, pressing it against the cloth wall, "Jessica," she whimpered squeezing her eyes shut. "Jessica," she repeated her eyes opening as her hips continued to jerk, meeting the firm thrusts of her fingers, rolling her hips as the long, tapered digits twisted inside of her.
Sometimes at night, when she was curled up in her blankets in bed after having a horrible day, or week, or month, and she wasn't certain if she even wanted to get up the next day, she would feel a warmth come over her and spread through her. She likened it to the feeling of the sun peaking out and warming her skin suddenly on a day that had been overcast. She would curl her blanket even tighter around her and roll her face into her pillow trying to wrap herself around that feeling. She never knew what it was or where it came from, but she always woke up ready to face the next day.
She felt that feeling now. She felt the warmth spreading throughout her body and for the first time she knew what it was: love. It was Jessica, loving her and comforting her. It was the psychic equivalent of a full body hug. And she felt it, she felt Jessica pulsing through her, her feelings flooding her consciousness as her hands worked between her legs, her love wrapping around her like a lover's arms making her feel secure, and protected and cherished.
"Je…" Niki gasped her head thrashing from side to side as her hips bucked. "I'm coming," she managed to choke out softly as the fingers inside of her curled, before being pulled and thrust in again, curling once more and scrapping along spongy tissue that made a technocolour kaleidoscope escape behind her eyes.
"I know," Jessica whispered softly, her breath catching as she spoke. "I feel it, I feel you all around me," she continued licking her lips before biting down on the bottom one.
Niki simply moaned in response completely unable to do anything more than whimper and buck her hips as the fingers inside of her and her breasts drew her closer and closer and edge.
"You feel so good, Niki," Jessica whispered knowing that it was almost time. "I love you so much. Cum for me, baby. Please."
"Ahhhh," Niki screamed, her head tilting back as her pelvis thrust into the air one last time and stayed suspended there as tremors ran through her body and fingers twisted inside of her drawing out her pleasure and tearing softer, but no less overwhelmed sounds of pleasure from her throat.
"Jesus," Niki sighed her body collapsing against the floor, tiny shudders and spasms still running through her body making twitch and shiver as she lay on the floor.
"You got the first three letters right," Jessica responded a slow, sensual and satisfied smile spreading across her lips as she spoke.
"Mmm," Niki moaned her response, her hips twitching once more. Her hand was still moving between her legs, softly now, almost unconsciously, but it was making her clit begin to throb again and she knew she couldn't go through another round of that at the moment. Closing her eyes and concentrating she was then able to move her free hand down to cover the one that was still between her legs. "I can't," she whispered softly as she pulled the hand away from her drenched curls, wanting Jessica to know that she wasn't rejecting her, just that she had managed to completely and utterly exhaust her.
Jessica made no verbal reply to her comment, but Niki felt herself becoming aware of her body once more and knew that Jessica had relinquished full control over to her for the moment.
Niki reached up tugging her shirt back down over her breasts once she could consciously move her limbs and turned onto her side resting her head against the padded floor.
"Jessica," she said softly. She had so many questions, there was so much that she didn't understand about what they were, so many things that she didn't know about Jessica that she wanted to find out. And then there was what had just happened between them? What did it mean? Where did they go from there? What would it be like between them now that they had been together in that way fully aware of what they were doing? How exactly did what they were doing work? Did Jessica cum with her? How would …
"Go to sleep, baby," Jessica whispered softly. She could feel the exhaustion running through their body and while she was quite pleased to have gotten them to that point she knew that it was not the time to be having any deep, meaningful conversations. Niki needed to sleep and get their energy back up, and while she did that, she would plan. And when Niki woke up they'd be someplace safe and alone, and maybe then they could talk, and explore their new relationship.
"Don't worry," Jessica continued softly feeling their eyes begin to droop. "Everything will be okay. I promise."