Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N- A huge thank you to Silly Bella for keeping my grammar and punctuation in check. ALso SB is writinga morning after piece that time wise would follow this one so check it out!!
by Be My Escape
She said she liked me best. I kept replaying that conversation over and over again in my head. My newfound confidence had allowed me to speak openly to Bella about my feelings and the lack of hers. Holding her hand felt so right to me. It was good to hear that she didn't like that bone-head Mike Newton. Bella still felt pain from that jerk who left her. I remember the anger I felt at the theater, and it resurfaced when I thought of the pain she was in because of him. Odd sensations ran through me; I didn't feel completely like myself. The anger and excess confidence were unusual, but if it helped with Bella then I was okay with it.
My body still didn't feel right as I drove. I hoped my fever didn't have anything to do with the flu that Mike had. I couldn't afford to be sick; I needed to be around Bella. Slowly I parked the car. I shook my head to clear the fuzziness that had come over me. Nothing could destroy my mood. Gingerly, I crossed the threshold to the house; Dad eyed me curiously.
"How are you feeling tonight, Jacob? You look strange." Every day the same stupid question and that ridiculous tense look, like he was waiting for me to explode.
Each day I grew more frustrated with my father. It was bad enough when he talked about legends and cold ones, but all of a sudden he was on my case constantly. How are you feeling? What are you doing? He never asked me questions before, but now it was like a daily quiz show.
I glared at him. "Why do you keep asking me that? I…AM…FINE!" The voice that spoke so harshly didn't sound like my own. It was full of anger.
Dad's face looked grave, and he studied me more closely. He spoke calmly, but I couldn't hear his words. My heart throbbed in my chest and pulsed in my ears. Fury consumed me so much I started to shake. I had never been this angry before. It seemed stupid, but the rage outweighed common sense. The sound of my pulse rushing through my body muffled Dad's words. My fever consumed me right down to my bones. It felt like the room was on fire, and the shaking became uncontrollable.
New sensations rippled through me. I shook with rage, but my skin felt like something insde me was tearing me apart. The sensation moved from my skin to my muscles and through my inner core. My body felt like it was bursting, and I wondered if the fever caused these delusions or if I was dying. The explosion only lasted a second, but it felt like an eternity. When it subsided my body was not my own. My shape felt foreign and much larger than what it had been. The top of my head bumped the ceiling in the living room and the space seemed even smaller than usual. I loomed over Dad, not knowing how I had become so big or what shape my body had taken. Luckily the shaking had stopped but I could still feel the heat from the flames burning inside my skin. Then there came the anger, raging even more than before.
Dad sat there staring at me with wide eyes. I wanted an explanation; he knew what was happening, and this was what i he /i had been waiting for. I was terrified and as I spoke the fear gripped me tighter. Instead of words a hideous howling sound came from deep inside. I stepped forward and the entire house shook from the minute movement. The fear grew as each second passed. I reached for my father hoping for comfort, but my hand was no longer human. A clawed paw replaced my long fingers. I glanced down at the rest of my body discovering russet fur instead of skin and a shape I didn't understand. Cries of frustration built up inside me but came out like terrified yelps. Slowly and calmly Dad began to explain.
"Jacob, please, you have to remain calm. I can't tell you how important it is for you to stay calm." I waited for more of an explanation, and when it didn't come the anger built into a snarl. My confusion grew, which Dad seemed to expect. Slowly, he made his way to the phone, never once taking his eyes from me. I didn't know whom he was going to call, but when I heard him speak the name I lost it. Sam. What did he have to do with this? I lunged at Dad enraged, snapping my jaw, bearing my teeth, wanting to rip him to shreds. That's when I saw it, the fear. My father, even in a wheel chair, commanded respect and never showed any sign of fear, but at this moment he felt terrified his life; horrified that his only son, the monster, would take it from him. I cried out from my own panic, but again the noise was just a broken yelp.
Suddenly strange voices spoke inside of my head. Not the voices of an inner struggle, but something much more real. They belonged to the others. The others just like me. The voices answered the question of what I had become. Behind the words were pictures and it was plain to see that I had become a monster. Each one of them showed me his experience changing from man to beast. I wanted nothing to do with this; I wanted to die. How could this happen to me? The voices continued and one voice in particular soothed my emotions. I have known that voice all my life, Embry. He was a monster, too. Yet I could feel his relief in the knowledge that I was with him.
Jacob, listen to me. You are going to be okay. I need you to come out of the house away from Billy. We will tell you everything, but we need you outside.
We. Then it became clear: all of Sam's gang are werewolves. This couldn't be happening. An hour ago I was with Bella; I was happy. Now I was something I didn't understand. I moved towards the door, and Dad moved around me to open it. I could barely squeeze through the entrance because of my size.
Once outside I could see the others. They were enormous creatures, hideous in appearance. My stomach twisted with nausea. I never wanted to be a monster, but I have become one. Embry's voice comes to me again.
I know this is confusing, but you have all of us to help. First off, the legends, the ones we used to make fun of your dad for telling, well, they are true, all of them. The way our ancestors descended from wolves to the reason why we become wolves today. As Embry explained, my mind filled with thoughts. We were werewolves because the cold ones existed. But who were the cold ones? The answer popped into my head immediately.
Edward Cullen. His entire family. /i The name oozed with hatred. It came from Paul. Other voices joined in. i Leeches. Bloodsuckers. A menacing growl echoed in the silence and I realized it had come from me. He had been near Bella; he could have killer her.
Jacob, I don't know how to say this, but Bella knew what they were. Embry spoke softly trying to ease the pain of this knowledge.
NO, she couldn't have. I shook my head from side to side trying to clear the thought of Bella knowing that he was a bloodsucker. Instantly my thoughts went to the time on the beach. The first day I met Bella and the stories that I had told her.
She did. Sam spoke the words with certainty. She did because you told her the legends.
I wanted to impress her with the legends, and she seemed so curious. It was a time when monsters only existed in books; they didn't stand before me, nor was I one of them.
You told her the legends? This is worse than I thought. If the Cullens know, then the treaty is broken. Jared's voice echoed in my head.
I never thought…but that doesn't prove she knew. She couldn't possible know. She couldn't love a monster.
Jacob, think of all those times you brought Billy up to Forks and that bloodsucker was dropping her off. Billy freaked every time, and we joked about it. Think about how Bella responded to Billy's warnings, and the bloodsucker never got out of his car when you were there. Embry's voice was strained. As he spoke the memories flooded over me. They were right she did know. Emotions tore through me: anger, hurt and betrayal. I knew they were slightly irrational emotions, but I still had them.
I wanted to see Bella to talk with her and no sooner than I had thought I was forbidden.
Sam's voice spokewith authority. Jacob, you can not be around humans. You can go to school but only to keep up the façade. Bella is out of the question. Before I could ask why and protest, images of Sam and Emily filled my head. Sam was angry; he and Emily were fighting. She gave him an answer that only enraged him more, and in an instant he was a wolf. As he exploded his claws raked Emily's beautiful face. She collapsed to the floor, and Sam, unable to change back, ran to the woods. The image and his anguish caused me to be physically ill. I knew from that point Bella was out of the question.
As Sam's memory finished I saw how he changed back to human form. I started to calm myself and followed what Sam's memory showed me. My form shifted, and I sat there naked on the ground. It shocked the others that I had been able to transform so easily back to my human body. It had taken most of them days, even weeks, before they could change back. The knowledge that I was capable of being a werewolf did not soothe the emotional pain of it all. My thoughts focused on Bella and how I, like the leech she so loved, would break my promise, too. I cried like I had never before in my life. I was a monster and everything I had wanted, ever dreamed of, didn't matter. This night marked the death of my innocence, of my human life, and I cried for all that I could never have.