AN: Hello, all my adoring fans (blows kisses and hands out cookies and pocky to those who reviewed)! SasuNaru FanXDDD is back! I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that this is the last chapter (holds up "Say AWW" sign), but the good news is, that if I get enough reviews, I will write a sequel where the girls get auctioned off (holds up "APPLAUSE" sign)! Thanks to the love of my newest fans (I have fans! Yatta! still can't get over it and probably never will) I am writing this as soon as I can to make everyone happy! Oh! I'd like to thank landiddy, Shrimps of Mass Destruction, Extrarius Scriptor, Demonkid, and Kikana for their great reviews! And read Extrarius Scriptor's story, Konquest of Konoha (but after you finish reading mine!)

Warnings: Cursing, sexual context, Sakura torture, and a bitch fight (that got your attention, didn't it?!)

Disclaimer: I'll write a disclaimer when someone on this website proves to me that they do. (Random guy pops up with ownership papers) Well, FINE! I do not own Naruto, but if you read the last chapter, you'd know that I do own Gaara for a week.


Later that night…

(At Ino's House)

"So Shikamaru," Ino said. "Do you wanna go to the movies?"

"Nope" Shikamaru said flatly

"Why not?" she asked.

"Too troublesome." Shikamaru replied.

"Do you wanna go and watch the fireworks?" she asked. (AN: Happy 4th of July, everyone!)

"Too troublesome." Shikamaru replied.

"Do you wanna have sex?" Ino asked, hoping that he would reply differently.

"Too troublesome." Shikamaru replied yet again.

"WTF! How is sex too troublesome?!" By now, Ino was starting to get angry.

Shikamaru sighed before replying. "You have to move around a lot, it takes a lot of work to do it right, and by the time you're done, you've gotten all sweaty. What a drag."

"Aargh!" and with that, Ino flopped on her bed. Then, an idea struck her. She shot straight up and asked, "How about oral sex? You don't have to move around, I'll be doing all the work!"

With that, a blush started to form on Shikamaru's cheeks. In order to hide this, he sighed, and said, "Fine. Sure. Whatever, troublesome woman."

"Yatta!" And with that, Ino began to take his pants off. When she had finished that, and had begun to take off his boxers, a giant fan busted through her bedroom window.

"Bitch what the hell are you doing with my man?!" Temari yelled.

"Your Man?! According to that auction, I own him! It's not my fault you can't afford him!" shouted Ino.

"At least I can afford good clothes! Have you seen your outfit (AN: I hate Ino's outfit post-time skip)! What, did you make it all by yourself?!" (T)

"What did you say bitch?!" (I)

"Are you deaf?!" (T)

"Get the fuck out of my house, slut!" (I)

"Who are you calling a slut?! It didn't take you too long to try and get into Shikamaru's pants over there!" (T)

"Which is further then you're ever gonna get with him!" (I)

"Bitch you wanna piece of me?!" (T)

"Bring it on, Bitch!" (I)

Shikamaru just sat there, watching the two go back and forth at each other, and decided that watching a bitch fight was most definitely not troublesome.

Shikamaru always did like blondes…

(At Hinata's house)

Naruto was sitting on Hinata's bed ALONE, grumbling to himself. Hinata had told him to stay there and wait for her to come out.

"N-naruto-kun!" (H)

"Huh? O yeah! Hurry up Hinata!" (N)

"O-okay, Naruto-kun." And with that, Hinata came into the room in a semi-transparent lavender teddy, causing an overly-dramatic nosebleed from Naruto that only anime characters can get away with.

"N-naruto-kun, are you okay?" (H)

"I'm fine, Hinata," he said through his hands. "It's just—THUD!" Apparently, Naruto had passed out from the severe loss of blood.

"NARUTO-KUN!" After 30 minutes of shaking, Naruto finally woke up.

"Huh? What? What happened?" (N)

"Y-you passed out, Naruto-kun." (H)

"Oh," he said. And then he looked at Hinata, who at this time had his head in her lap. "H-hinata-chan?" he managed to stutter out.

"Y-yes, Naruto-kun?" (H)

"Y-you look r-really pretty today, Hinata-chan." (N)

Hinata looked at Naruto with shock clear on her face. Soon after, though, the shock was replaced with a smile as she said, "Thank you, Naruto-kun!" (AN: notice that she didn't stutter). 'All right,' Hinata thought. 'This is the day. This might be your only chance!'

"N-no p-problem, Hinata-chan. U-uh, Hinata-chan?" (N)

"Yes, Naruto-kun?" (H)

"W-why are you l-looking at me like t-that?" (N)

"Oh, no reason, Naruto," Hinata said, a smirk/grin forming on her lips. Before he had the chance to say anything else, Hinata jumped on him, kissing him and forcing him to lie down on her bed, not that he really minded. Fortunately (ver, VERY fortunate) for Naruto, tonight was the night that Hinata had decided to break out of her shell.

(At Iruka's house)

"Nggh! Faster! Harder! Ka-ka-SHIII!"

o.O. Wow. They didn't waste any time, did they? Let's move on, shall we? (AN: I've never written a lemon before, and if I did, I'd have to move the rating up to M)

(In the house of the fan girl that lives the closest)

"Oh Sasuke-kuuuuuun! Are you ready?" sang fangirl # 7

"Yeah, Sasuke! We paid a lot of money for you, and we're gonna get every. Last. Penny's worth." Chimed fangirl # 4

":sweatdrop: Okay. Hey, can't we talk first? Wait, hold on!"

Needless to say, Sasuke wasn't happy about this one bit. It's not that he didn't like sex, it was just that

1)The screaming of the fan girls was already giving him a headache

2)He was still tied up

3)He'd rather be with a certain blonde right now, with the positions reversed, of course XD (to all who still want to cling to their hopes of his heterosexuality, you can just pretend it's Ino)

"Hey! Wait! Stop! Let go! Don't put your hands there!" But his pleas were deaf to the ears of his fan girls. If anything, they just brought on more screaming and giggling.

'Well,' Sasuke thought, 'at least I'll finally be able to revive my clan.'

(At the Mystery girl's :cough: author's :cough: house)

"So, Gaara, what do you want to do?" said the Mystery girl :cough: author :cough:.

"Let's see… I want to kill everyone on this earth, and maybe I should start with you…" replied Gaara.

"Okay sweatdrop. Umm, cookie?" asked the Mystery girl :cough: author :cough:.

"What kind?" he asked.

"Well, when I heard about the auction, I decided to bake every type of cookie I knew how. I have freshly made sugar, chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin, gingerbread, and snicker doodles (AN: yes, it's an actual cookie).

"Yatta :glomps!"

After he tries the cookies, and sees how delicious they are, he says, "I don't think that I'll kill you after all."

"What a relief," She sighed out. "You know Gaara, I really like you."

"Oh, that's great. Another fangirl" he grumbled.

"No, you've got it all wrong, Gaara! I like you, but not just for your looks! I like your personality, too!"

":blushes: Well…"

After that, Gaara decided to stay with the Mystery girl :cough: author :cough: forever.

(AN: Sappy, I know, but it does have a purpose! Now I own Gaara, and Gaara loves me!)

(At Sakura's house)

"Yosh, Sakura! This room shines with the youth that is the lotus blossom of Sakura! The youthfulness is so youthful that even youth itself is challenged by its youthful youthfulness! …youth …youth …YOUTH!

:Inner Sakura Thinking: 'This is terrible! Chaa! Lee won't shut up, and I'm all out of duct tape! If he doesn't shut up son, I'm gonna pulverize him! Chaa! Oh wait, I have an idea, and it's a good one! Chaa!'

Sakura ran to her cell phone, which was on its charger, and started looking through the Contacts list. Finding the number that she was looking for, she pressed 'talk'




Finally, the person on the other end picked up. "Hello?" she asked.

"Hey, Tenten" Sakura said, trying to act as calm as possible. "You know, I was thinking… you've known Lee way longer than I have, and you did seem to really like him at that auction, so how about I let you have him for the rest of the week? It'll be free of charge, of course."

"Uhh… sorry, Sakura. Not right now. I'm a little busy." (T)

"Busy with what?" Sakura was starting to get frantic now. I f she didn't get rid of bushy brows soon, one of them would suffer major internal damage. "This is your home phone number, so you can't be on a mission or anything!"

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I can't right now. I-" (T)

"Who are you talking to, Tenten?"

"Hold on, Sakura." Tenten put her hand over the receiver, but Sakura just strained her ears to hear the conversation.

"It's just Sakura, honey." (T)

"Fine. Hurry up and get rid of her."

"Okay," Tenten said.

Then Tenten diverted her attention back to Sakura. "Sorry about that, now what were we talking about?"

"W-wait," Sakura said. "Was that Hyuuga Neji that I heard in the background? Why is he at your house and why did you call him 'honey' and why did he want me off the line so quick and… Oh."

"I'm sorry, Sakura," Tenten said. "I have to go now." Sakura could practically see the blush that was no-doubt flooding Tenten's face, and started to feel embarrassed herself.

"Oh, okay then. Bye." Sakura said. As soon as she had said this, though, she remembered why she had called in the first place. "Tenten! No, Wait-" Click. It was too late. Tenten had already hung up.

"Yosh, Sakura! How was your phone call?! Was it youthful?!" :SNAP:

Sakura had finally had enough. She had gone insane. And the only thing she saw that could erase the word "youth" from her memory was the conveniently placed wall. So, Sakura got up and started bashing her head against that very wall. Hard. Repeatedly. With all of the strength from her genjutsu training. Unfortunately for her, though, the "method to her madness" was still in the room.

"Sakura-chan! What are you doing?! Oh, I see! It is some technique of yours that enhances your youthfulness:does goodguy pose: I shall try this as well." Lee started to bang his head against the wall, too. "Look, Sakura-chan! I believe that I have found a more youthful way!"

"ARGH!" Sakura groaned, and continued to bang her head against the wall.

Aww! I just love a happy ending -! Well, I believe that there are some parts of this chapter that are totally kick-ass, and some that are shit. So, I feel I should apologize fore the crap I put you guys through to get to the good parts. I don't think the part about Naruto and Hinata flowed right, Sasuke's part just seemed wrong, Kakashi and Iruka's scene was way to short, Gaara's scene was barely even funny, and Tenten said sorry way too much. But other than that, it's great. I guess what they say is true. You know, about yourself being your worst critic. I couldn't make it any better if I tried. And believe me, I've tried. Well, if I get enough reviews, I'll right a sequel where the girls get auctioned off, but none of the stuff in this story would've happened. I read someone else's summary (but I can't remember who it was XP) and I agree with her: Review please! Reviews are my happy crack and they're free!