Chapter 5: Hinting On Her Secret

Tommy was sitting in his studio, trying to mix a song, but his thoughts were elsewhere. He and Jude had had a great day up until he had grabbed her arm. He didn't think he was being to rough but maybe he was. He was currently alone in the studio, as Jude had some things to discuss with Georgia and EJ. Tommy kept mulling over the day's earlier events when Jude came in looking exasperated. Jude huffed down on the couch and Tommy smirked at her, momentarily pushing his previous thoughts to the back of his mind.

"Georgia and EJ must've put you through a ringer, huh?"

"Ugh, yeah. Those two are going to be the death of me if I'm not careful." Tommy laughed gently then became serious.

"Jude, I think we need to talk…about earlier."

"What's there to talk about? Besides the fact that my parents detest me for skipping."

"I meant with your arm. I want to make sure you aren't hurt or anything."

"Tommy, I told you I'm fine. I just slept on it wrong."

"Well, are you sure? I didn't mean to grab you that hard."

"Oh, Tommy quit sounding like my mother! I'm fine! It's just been a little tender but it'll get better."

"Well, if you're sure you're all right…" he was still looking skeptical, but he didn't press anything further.

"I am. So, how about we work on a song for a change? I haven't recorded anything in like forever."

"Sure, what have you got to work on?"

"It's a new one. I think you'll like it."

"Jude, in case you haven't noticed, I've liked all your songs."

"Yeah, but this is special. Really special." He just stared at her as she made her way to the recording booth. Tommy waited patiently as Jude pulled out her guitar and started tuning and setting up. She was finally ready and adjusted herself on the stool and placed the headphones on her head. She began strumming and Tommy's eyes were instantly locked on hers as the first words came flowing from her lips.

I met you, I hated you, I didn't think much more about it

Then I got to know you and now I can't hide it

You plague my thoughts like a nightmare that won't go away

Except for the fact that I'm dying for you to stay

I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there

I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there

I can't seem to shake you from my memory

And baby, that's alright with me

You seem to get me when there's nothing to get

Who would've thought this is where we'd be after we first met

You always have the way and I want to follow it anywhere

I'm so glad to know that you're always gonna be there

I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there

I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there

I can't seem to shake you from my memory

And baby, that's alright with me

You've been there to pick me up when I fall

You're always gonna be the one standing tall

So thank you for being my rock in a tattered world

I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there

I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there

I can't seem to shake you from my memory

And baby, that's alright with me

I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there

I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there

I can't seem to shake you from my memory

And baby, that's alright with me

Thank you for seeing past my foggy haze

I want you always and forever, for the rest of my days

Jude finished the song with her eyes fused on Tommy's and vise versa. Neither of them wanted to move. Tommy eventually faulted from her gaze and called her back in. She walked in wordlessly and sat down on the couch. When neither of them spoke, Jude took that as a sign that her song was bad.

"Was it that bad?" she spoke after a deafening silence.

"Bad? No, Girl, why would you think it was bad?"

"The long deafening silence was a clue."

"Well, it wasn't bad. I was just thinking. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell you what I thought."

"Well, what doyou think?" she was getting a bit nervous at his answer.

"I think it was amazing, but that doesn't seem to cover it. It's just...you seem to know how to put words and your feelings together. Not many people have that gift." Jude was blushing slightly from his compliment.

"Thanks," she smiled up at him warmly and he smiled back before his phone rang in his pocket. He looked away sheepishly and answered.

"Hello? Oh, hey. What's up? Uh…yeah, I've been…thinking about you too," he turned around to finish his conversation and Jude just looked on towards him. She felt the tears instantly surface behind her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

'I should have known he'd have someone else. That's why he couldn't find the words for my song because there were none. He doesn't feel any of the feelings I feel for him,' Jude thought bitterly to herself. With each moment he spent on the phone, each little word exchanged between the pair, Jude felt the growing need to cut herself. She had to sit on her hands so she wouldn't touch her arm. Tommy turned around to look at Jude.

"Sorry, I gotta take this outside. I'll be right back," and without another word he got up and left, leaving Jude alone. Jude wasted no time in digging her razor out of her bag. She also got out several pieces of tissue so she didn't get any blood on any unnecessary places. She placed the blade about two inches from her wrist and pressed down hard. She let her thoughts and pain consume her. Flashes of her and Tommy flooded her brain. All the good times and bad were overflowing through her mind which only increased the movement of the blade. Then all the songs she had ever written about him flooded through her, causing the blade to go deeper into her skin. Finally, the events that just occurred plastered in her mind and that brought her over the edge. Heavy sobs and a small pool of blood was the result of her flashbacks. She quickly tried to regain herself before anyone came back. She wiped at her arm and made sure she didn't spill on anything. She stuffed the razor deep inside her bag and kept the tissue pressed tightly against her wound. As soon as she threw away some tissue, Tommy came back in looking flustered.

"You ok?" Jude managed to squeak out.

"Yeah, I had to take care of a thing."

"Oh." He looked over at her and noticed that her eyes were puffy and she was gripping her arm tightly.

"Are you ok?"

"Uh, yeah I'm fine. Mom just called to chew me out but I'm fine. I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a sec, I'll be right back." She left the room hastily and headed for the bathroom. Tommy wasn't convinced that what Jude said was true and his suspicions were further intrigued when he noticed something bright red in the trashcan. He walked over and glanced in. He gasped loudly and his eyes widened in shock. There were several tissues all covered in bright red blood. Tommy's mind was racing and all things came back to Jude. Something was wrong and he wasn't going to wait for her to tell him so. He knew he shouldn't do what he did next, but this was about helping her and, dare he say it, saving her. He reached into her bag and tried not to shuffle her things around so she wouldn't get suspicious. He was only putting his hand inside, not looking and realized he had to look or else he was never going to find anything. He started looking and using both hands to sort through her stuff. He came across her journal, a crumbled up math quiz, some pens, pencils, several pieces of paper either scribbled on or blank, and a mess of feminine products. He began to think his search was going to be unsuccessful when he found something horrifying and shocking. Slowing, hastily as if going slow would somehow make all this untrue, he reached in the very bottom of the bag and uncovered a bloody razor. So many thoughts and emotions went though his mind. Shock, worry, disgust, scared, fright, and concern. He decided he would keep it and confront her about this later. There was no way in hell he was going to let her continue this charade, not over his dead body. He wrapped it up carefully and placed it in his pocket while tying to re-organize everything in her bag. He patiently waited for her return from the bathroom.

"Probably went in there to clean up her cut,' he thought glumly to himself. She came back in a few minutes later almost looking as good as new.

"Feel better?" he asked her.

"Yeah, much. So, uh is there anything else you wanna work in?"

"Yeah how about we get your new song just right."

"Alright," and she sat down beside him and the pair worked for the rest of the day.

"I think that's all we can get for today," Tommy said after many hours of working on the song.

"Yeah, honestly all songed out." They shared a small laugh before Tommy began shutting down the soundboard and Jude was getting her bag. She wasn't paying much attention, but she noticed that the bag was sealed up, like someone had zipped it back up.

'I know I didn't seal it up. I placed the razor in my bag and then I went to the bathroom, came back and worked on the song. Someone else was in my bag.'

"Hey, Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Was there anyone else in the studio today? Anyone besides us?"

"No, why?" Jude's anger was rising as her suspicions were being confirmed.

"Tommy," she asked slowly, hoping that drawing out the question would make the answer bearable.

"Yeah?"

"Did you…were you in my bag today?" He wasted no time in answering.

"Yeah, but Jude-"

"Where the hell do you get off invading people's privacy?!"

"Jude, just listen to me for a second, ok?"

"No, there's nothing for you to explain! You were snooping in my things for no reason!"

"But there was a reason! A very legitimate one, so please just-"

"No! I don't want to hear any of your crap so just save it!" Jude ran out of the studio and Tommy ran after her. He stopped and stood calmly while pulling the razor out of his pocket.

"Jude, this is why I was in your bag." She turned around slowly and stared at him in shock and what he was holding. He had her bloody razor wrapped in tissue and was holding it in his palm.

"Why…how…" Jude was left speechless at Tommy's discovery.

"What is this, Jude?"

"It's uh…a razor."

"I am aware of that. I meant why is it in your bag? Why are you using this?"

"I…I…I don't know I just…"

"Jude you know if you have a problem you can always come to me, always. I thought you knew that?"

"I do! It's just things…got complicated for a while…with you."

"Complicated? When- Oh. When I kissed you…"

"Yeah."

"Is that when…when it started?" He gulped and prayed that it wasn't but knew deep down that it was.

"Yes," she said barely above a whisper.

"Jude, I'm so...I didn't mean to...cause you so much pain."

"It's not your fault. It wasn't just you. It was never really you after that night. It was mostly my parents, and my dad, and…just everything."

"I feel like I did this to you though. Like I brought the razor up to you and…did it."

"But you didn't, I did. It was…me" During their conversation, Jude had moved closer to him, so now they were standing face to face. Tommy brought his hands to the side of her face and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Jude, I'm sorry, for everything. For hurting you, for your parents, all of it. If I could, I'd take all your pain and make it my own because I don't want you to have to go through any of that." Jude was crying now, not caring if Tommy was the one who saw them.

"I already feel like you share my pain. I feel like we…share everything."

"That's cause we do, Girl." He smiled down at her and she smiled back through her tears.

"Do you…regret what happened? Do you wish that you didn't kiss me?" She looked at him, almost begging with her eyes to tell her the answer she wanted to hear. Either he had heard her thoughts or he really didn't regret what happened because he answered with the reply she wanted.

"No, I don't. I regret sending you mixed signals about what I wanted."

"And…what is it…that you want?"

"Honestly? I want you, Jude Harrison. As wrong or illegal as that may be, I want you." Jude was looking up at him with wide eyes and she suddenly broke down into sobs. She was shaking uncontrollably. Tommy held her as they sank down to the floor. She thought in the back her that Tommy must think he upset her, so she tried to sustain her sobs and looked up at him.

"You…really want me?"

"Yes. I'm sick of denying and lying to myself."

"And the phone call earlier? What was that?"

"It was something that quickly turned into nothing. She isn't nearly in comparison to you." Jude smiled through her tears and buried herself in his chest. He held her there and rubbed her hair and whispering things every so often.

"Jude?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to tell you something." She removed her face from his face and looked at him.

"Ok, what is it?"

"I love you." He didn't hesitate and he didn't need to say more. He simply watched her face take on a shocked expression. He bent his head and captured her lips with his before she had time to think. He brought his hands to the sides of her face and she brought hers to his hair, pulling him closer to her. They pulled away after a few seconds, both a little breathless.

"Tommy?"

"Yes"

"Thanks. I really needed that?"

"Yeah me too."

"I didn't mean the kiss, well yeah that too, but I mean this. The confronting me and the telling me you love me. That was the best part." She smiled impishly at him.

"I needed all this too. I'm so glad you know how I feel. It was killing me not telling you. Also, I've been fighting the urge to kiss you since I pretty much met you." He was the one who smiled now. But it quickly faded as a thought crossed him.

"We're gonna have to get you help. I mean maybe a doctor or someone can-"

"No, Tommy. I don't need anyone like that. I know why I did it and I know that I don't have to do it anymore. I know that I've got you and that's all I need."

"Jude, are you sure?"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm sure."

"Well...as long as you promise to never do it again, and I mean never."

"I promise I'll never do it again."

"Alright, well as long as I'm with you I'll make sure you're ok."

"Good, and Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too. I just thought I'd say that."

"Well, thank you. I'll always love you, Girl, you know that right?"

"Yes, and I will always love you, no matter what." She brought him close and hugged him tightly. She pulled away and asked him the question that had been plaguing both their minds.

"What are we gonna do now? Now that we're…a we."

"I'm not sure, but we'll think of something. I'm not going to let anyone or anything get in between us."

"Glad to hear it," and without another word, she brought his lips down to hers and kissed him with all the pent-up passion she held.

A/N-So there's an update from me since like a month or something. Longer for this story, I'm sure. Well, I hope you all enjoyed this. I know the end was all sappy but I had to, just in case. So, anyone wanna see a sequel? If I even decide to do one, I won't even begin writing till like all these other stories are done. But let me know just so I can plan out for one. Now please review!