Emmett Needs a Babysitter!

(((I will own Twilight (and any other names/brands I use) when God decides it should rain chocolate milk and Oreo cookies)))

"EMMETT, WHY DID YOU SPRAY PAINT 'ALICE IS AN ELF' ON THE SIDE OF THE SCHOOL? I am going to kill you!" Oh no, Alice found out about that.

"I, uh I, I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF!! Please, please, have mercy and do not kill me, think of Rose!" There I said it and I am not ashamed, I tell you I am not ashamed!

"You should be ashamed, Emmett, that is the 7th time this week you have gotten in troble. And I think Rose is better off without you."

"So? And who cares what you think ROSE NEEDS ME!"

"It's Monday, and Rose can find another."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. She can't find one like ME!"

"Esme, I think Emmett Needs a babysitter. He gets into too much trouble on his own. Just remember the ducks and the squirrels!"

"I do not Alice! And those where not my fault Alice, they were evil."

"You provoked them, Emmett."

"I Agree with Alice on all points, but lets give him one more chance before he gets a babysitter," WHAT MY WIFE IS ONLY A THIRD ON MY SIDE! "Stop gaping at me, Emmett, last time you wrote something on the walls at school it was 'Rosalie had breast implants' and it was IN THE BOYS BATHROOM! And you did provoke the animals." Oh Yeah, I Remember that 'mural'. Rose and me had just had a Fight, other wise I wouldn't have done that I'm not stupid, and I needed a way to release my anger. That was a week ago, I think. And I still think the ducks and squirrels were evil.

"Emmett that was just Friday, it was not a week ago, and the animals are not evil," stupid, know-it-all, egotistical, Butt-head, vampire brother, "wow Emmett 'egotistical' is a big word, I surprised."

"I am not stupid. I know big words. I just don't like to use them."

"What is another big word you know, Emmett?"

"Ignoramus," Ha there, I showed them. Even if I got it off of a game, a have to ask a twelve year old what it meant.

"Emmett, if you had to ask a two year old what it meant, it doesn't count."

"Yes it does."

"No, honey, it doesn't," what is it Rose-is-against-Emmett day or something!

"No, Emmett it is not 'Rose-is-against-Emmett day' she just does not agree with you. That very possible to do you know."

"Fine, be that way. I am going to hunt, you bunch of mean vampires," and with that, I ran. I ran like there was no tomorrow. Okay maybe I just ran far enough so Edward could not read my mind, but still I ran. That has got to count for something, right?

"Now time to plot," I said to myself. I know what your thinking 'oh no! Emmett has gone crazy,' but that is not the case. It just get too quiet in the woods, sometimes it is creepy. And I have to plot because I am mad at my family, and I need to get them back somehow. Also, I am bored.

Okay, I think I've got it. All of our lockers are in a row at school. I can go there and write 'The Cullen kids suck" across them. But underneath that I sign " Love, Mike Newton". That is the pesky little thing that is always following Bella around, right? Oh well, I don't care who he is; he is getting the blame. HA, that will be perfect. Now what color will I use… hmmm. I know PINK! Yes that's it; it's perfect! Just like Rose… hmm my perfect Rose. Okay got to snap out of it Emmett, back to reality, Rose is back home because she doesn't agree with me.

Now, off to the hardware store! My family will never know what hit them. It is my most brilliant plan yet! I am at the store now, so off to the paints. Do I want spray paint or regular paint and paint brush? I think I will stick with the spray. It is easier this way, all my other wall mural type things where done with this. It is my favorite thing to use when vandalizing stuff. I have got to get a move on. Alice might have a vision of this, and then I would be busted before I even started.

I'm going to school! I think this is one of the few times I actually like the idea of going to school. But I think next time we move, I am going to ask Esme to home school us. It will be a lot more fun than actually going to the dreaded place. I mean really it is so boring it's like they expect you to sleep during the whole day, and if you don't you get bored to death. But I am a vampire so I can't sleep or die! So I just suffer; it really is not fair. Not one little bitty bit fair, stupid school systems.

Okay, now how to brake in, with out giving it away that I am, in fact, me. Hmm, what would that human do, that one that's always following Bella around, or at lest I think that's the one. Err, is it, uh Mick? Close, but no, hmm, Dike? Nope, wrong again, but I think I am almost got it… Mike that's it. Mike Oreo. No, no, no, uh it is some human cookie though or at least it sounds close to it. How about Mike Chips Ahoy? No. Mike, Mike Newton? Yes, yes that is it! I knew I would get it! Now how would Mike Newton get into the school at night… oh I think they keep the one door, under the gym, unlocked incase they forget their keys at home, and that is the place I will enter… and this being Forks there will be no cameras, anywhere. The stupid people don't seem to care if someone breaks in, and steals all their learning stuff to sell on the school's black market. That is probably where they got all this stuff in the first place.

So I have to find that door. I know it is under the gym, I just don't know WHERE under the gym. This side's doors are all looked; ha there are no doors on this side to be unlocked in the first place. On to the next side, first door is a no-go, second door is locked, also, third one is… third one is the charm. Unlocked, and leading into the, GIRLS LOCKER ROOM. Great, just great, I do NOT want to go through there. I might think about Rose, and then I might look for her locker. I might stay all night in here, going through Rose's locker. What should I do, hmm? Oh, I've got an idea!

It is the most faultless, wonderful, perfect plan in the history of plans! It has just got to work! If It does not work I think I will cry, but seeing as that is impossible it has to work!

I AM GOING THROUGH THE GIRL'S LOCKER ROOM, WITH MY EYES CLOSED!!!

(((So will it work? Or will Emmett Spend all night in the girl's locker room and not complete his mission? If he does complete his mission, will he get caught? You'll never know… unless you come back!!! Teehee C)))