OMG, HAX

One shot. Mikami Teru takes his relentless quest to do Kira's bidding and rid the world of evil to the Internet! Much to Light's chagrin... Spoilers, oh no.

A/N: I had this idea in the pool. It occurred to me that Mikami's favorite phrase, "sakujo" (Romaji is awesome. :D), can be translated to either "eliminate" or "delete", according to Wikipedia, the repository of all human knowledge. So, why not put him in a situation wherein he is actually deleting things?

I warn you: Mikami is highly OOC, and the entire premise is rather cracky.

Disclaimer: I own none of the Death Note characters, or plot conventions, or anything else.


Mikami Teru gazed forlornly down at his Death Note. True to form, he had written his daily page-load of people to be judged, and now he had no more justice to dispense for the night. "I wish there was more I could do to help God in his quest for ultimate justice," he sighed, propping his feet against a wall of his apartment and leaning back in his office chair. "I wonder how many times I can say 'justice' in a row? Justice, justice, justice, justice, justice, justice, justice, justice, justice..."

While Teru chanted "justice" like a fool, he failed to notice the slender black square that was slipped under his door. That is, until he got up to get some lovely fat-free yogurt. "OOMPH," he said as he tripped over the mysterious object. When he looked up from his sprawled position, he saw a small laptop computer. The note atop it read:

Mikami Teru—

Plz carry out justice on the names recorded in the file enclosed herein. File is named "PRON." (People Really On my Nerves)

Thx,

KIRA

Teru's eyes filled up with tears of joy. "My Lord Kira!" he breathed rapturously. "I shall carry out thy bidding!"

He opened the laptop, and scrutinized the documents folder. "Hmm, there are a lot of four-capital-letter titles here..." he muttered. He selected what he believed to be the relevant file.

XxXxX

From four apartments away, people could hear the screams. "WHAT? WHAT IS THIS UNSPEAKABLE MONSTROUSNESS? DELETE, DELETE, DELETE...!"

Old Ms. Murphy from the apartment next door had a completely unrelated heart attack.

XxXxX

Takada gave Light his laptop back at their next meeting. I am confident, she wrote on a slip of paper, that Mikami did as you instructed. He seemed quite proud.

Excellent, Light responded, grinning a faintly creepy grin. "So, what are your plans for New Years', Takada-san?" he inquired politely out loud, meanwhile opening his laptop to make sure all was in order.

"Well, of course I'm managing the...the..." Takada began, but she trailed off when she saw the expression on Light's face: first shock, then pain, then rage.

"How dare he?" Light whispered fiercely. Way back at HQ, Matsuda and Aizawa looked at each other quizzically. "How dare he? UPSTART!"

"Light-kun, wha—?" Takada gasped, but Light slammed his laptop shut, fell to his knees, and howled to the heavens—

"MIKAMI, YOU BASTARD, YOU DELETED ALL MY PORN!!!"