Ah, sorry for the long delays. I had a lot of personal issues, and I've been quite busy with some other things. Also, Writer's Block is a pain in the keyboard...

So yeah, lets see. Uh... I'm going to try something different in this chapter. Lets see if I can get two story arcs going at once!


Auron (Final Fantasy X, Kingdom Hearts 2. Dude in red robe who wields a sweet katana. Words cannot describe his coolness...)

Asuma (Naruto. Bearded Shinobi who smokes a lot. Fights with Trench Knives, which are cool. I saw some in a store once...)

Big Boss (Metal Gear Solid. Big Boss is the Walker Texas Ranger of video games. I have some jokes planned for him...)

Leon Kennedy (Resident Evil. Gasp! The blonde secret service agent from Resident Evil 4 is going to show up! He won't stand a chance!)

Tucker (Red Vs. Blue. A guy in teal colored SPARTAN-II Mark IV battle armor from Halo. He's a perv. Should be interesting...)

Caboose (Red Vs. Blue. A guy in blue armor similar to Tuckers. He's a bit... off. In several ways... You'll see...)

That seems like a good enough amount of bait- I MEAN, survivors... Heh heh.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Naruto, Walker Texas Ranger, Red Vs. Blue, et cetra, et cetra. I OWN NOTHING, DANGIT!!!

"Seems clear..." grunted a gruff voice from behind a stone column near the Northern entrance to the Konoha Mall. A few seconds later, a man in green camo fatigues dove out from behind it, rolled across the floor, and jumped to his feet. He had a pistol in one hand, and a knife in the other, and was holding them both together in a rather cool fashion. He had medium-length brown hair, a beard, a bandana wrapped around his head, and an eyepatch over his right. And he was smoking a cigar, as well. It was none other than Big Boss, star of Metal Gear Solid 3! "Yep, no hostiles."

"Strange," commented another man who walked out from behind another pillar. He had short salt and pepper hair, a scar across his left eye, sunglasses. and a red robe on. His left arm was resting inside his robe; the left sleeve hung limply at his side. And in his right hand he held an 8 foot katana, which was at the time resting on his shoulder. Clearly, this was the famed Guardian known as Auron, from Final Fantasy X. "There should be Fangirls everywhere..."

"Hmph..." scoffed a third man, who crawled out from behind yet another pillar. He had medium-length blonde hair, blue eyes, and a small scar across his right cheek. He was wearing dark blue pants, a black t-shirt, and a bullet-proof vest. He also had what appeared to be a fanny pack on. Other than a knife strapped to the front of his vest, he appeared unarmed. Apparently, Leon Kennedy had gone from fighting zombies in Resident Evil to fighting Fangirls in... here. "Maybe they decided we were too good at playing Hard to Get?"

"Your jokes suck," Snake sneered as he holstered his weapons.

"I'm sure your's blow just as bad..." Leon smirked.

"Shut up, both of you," Auron bluntly stated. "This is no time to be acting like fools."

"Where are we anyway?" Snake asked, looking around at his surroundings.

"A mall, I think," Leon replied.

"Really? I hadn't noticed that..." Snake rolled his eyes. Um... Eye.

"Shut up. Don't even start it. We're in a mall. I think we're in a department store. Most likely the women's wear..." Auron explained.

"Really? How can you tell?" Leon arched an eyebrow.

"Just a hunch..." Auron shrugged as he pointed at a rack of women's underwear. "Wait, what was that noise?"

"What noise?" Leon narrowed his eyes, and slowly began to look around.

"I heard something..." Auron replied as he casually walked over to another pillar in the store. After a few seconds, he suddenly heaved his katana off his shoulder and quickly sliced through the concrete structure several times in the blink of an eye. The concrete quickly crumbled away, revealing a person in full suit of futuristic armor holding a machine gun. His armor was dark blue, his visor was a vivid orange and the machine gun he held was black, with a scope on it. "Who are you?"

"I'm just going to shut... my eyes..." the man replied in a slow and deliberate manner, his voice monotone. "Maybe, if I can't see them... They can't see me!"

"Uh, Caboose, it doesn't work that way..." somebody whispered from behind another concrete pillar. (Have you ever really seen how many of those things there are in a department store? Well, probably not as many as I'm describing. But maybe its just a big store?)

"Come out from behind there..." Auron growled, pointing his sword over the shoulder of the man in blue armor.

"Gulp..." Caboose slowly began to inch away from the blade.

"Okay, okay..." Moments later, a man in armor much like Caboose's, only brightly teal, stepped out from behind the pillar. "Hi. The name's Tucker. I'm with the Blue Army, and I- Oh, panties! Bow chika bow wow!" he exclaimed, suddenly noticing all the women's underwear around him.

"Hey chika boom boom!" Caboose added.

"I told you not to say that! Bow chika bow wow is my thing!" Tucker yelled.

"I'm sorry..." Caboose whimpered. "Jerk..." he grumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" Tucker cocked his armored head to the side.

"Nothing!" Caboose exclaimed, hastily running behind Auron and grabbing onto him. "Hide me from Tucker! He's a big meanie!"

"Um... Who are these people?" Leon was utterly dumbfounded by the current conversation.

"Tucker and Caboose," answered yet another unknown voice. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a man in a Leaf Village shinobi vest appeared in the center of the rag-tag group of survivors out of a puff of gray smoke. He had black hair, a beard, and an unlit cigarette in his mouth. "Didn't you pay attention to them?"

"AH! A NINJA!!!" Caboose yelled, diving for cover behind a scantily clad dummy.

"He's not a ninja!" Tucker corrected his comrade. "He's got a beard! Ninjas don't have beards. So he's obviously a pirate!"

"Timber me shivers!" Caboose exclaimed.

"Other way around. And I'm a ninja. The name's Asuma..." the man explained.

"See, I was right! Take that, Tucker!" Caboose laughed.

"These people are insane..." Big Boss could only shake his head and casually smoke his cigar as the insanity around him grew more bizarre by the moment. "You'd think this was just some sort of camping trip or something..."

"Oh, I love camping!" Caboose suddenly ran over to Snake. "We can build a fire! And sing songs! Coooooom-byyyyyyyy-yaaaaaa! Booom-kiiiiiiii-laaaaaaaa... Hey chika boom boom."

"CABOOSE!!!" Tucker snarled.

"CHURCH DID IT!!!" Caboose yelled, running for cover.

"Okay, that's enough!" Auron suddenly yelled, causing everyone to freeze. "We need to stop acting like fools, and start looking for a way to escape this nightmare!"

"Escape? Ha!" Leon chuckled, leaning up against a table which had a swimsuit model dummy standing up on it. "There aren't any fangirls around here."

"Oh really?" Auron arched an eyebrow.


"Then look behind you..."

"Hm?" Leon looked over his shoulder. What had once been a plastic dummy was now a flesh and blood person. And that person was: A FANGIRL!!! "Oh wow, this is about to suck..."

Indeed it is, Leon. Indeed it is...

Sorry for the long delays. I'll try to update within the next weak, at least.

Thanks for reading!

-Agent HUNK