Note: This whole story is just Davis talking. Every time you see a new paragraph, it means whoever he was talking to said/did something. Enjoy.
I Didn't Mean To!
Come on Ken, open up! Open up, you have to be home now! Oh thank god you're home, now shut the door. If anyone asks, I'm not here and you haven't seen me all day. You have to hide me, please hide me!
Hide me from who? Hide me from everyone! Everyone is out to kill me right now just because I had an accident today. It wasn't my fault, I swear! No one else is here right? Oh good, so please let me hide out here until things cool down a bit.
Don't give me that look; this wasn't even me doing something stupid this time.
Yes of course it's why I look so beat up and I'm missing a shoe.
No, don't answer it! Wait, do answer it! Tell them you have no idea where I am, and haven't heard from me all day. Wait, what are you saying?! What have you done, you've sold me out! My best friend has betrayed me, and he didn't even get any silver!
Oh, that was your mom asking about bread. Right, sorry about that. It's been a stressful day. Things just seemed to keep going wrong, so I figured betrayal isn't far off.
Yes, I trust you, I'm not thinking clearly.
Alright, well we can't exactly leave here for fear of being spotted and then…unpleasantness will follow I promise you.
Fine, fine. So, I was out most of the morning playing Soccer with Tai, and we finished around lunch time.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry I lied to you. I was practicing some new move so I could show you up next game and impress Kari. You happy now? Can I continue the story you just finished insisting I tell you?
So we walked back to his apartment. "Come on up Davis, I'll make you some lunch. All I've got is some cold meats, but I think there's a nice Italian bread," he says. Oh how I wish it was just sliced bread, things would've been so much better.
I'll get to it. So, we walk in, and head to the kitchen. "Is Kari home?" I ask him. He shakes his head, and tells me she's off with her mom at some outlet store, she'll be gone all day. I'm obviously saddened by this, but then we cracked wise about women and shopping for a bit so it was fine. Anyway, he asked me throw the ball and his bag in his room for him, while he pulled out the largest knife I'd ever seen the cut the bread. No, couldn't have pre-sliced bread. That might reduce my near death count by one!
I told you, just listen to my story. So, I pick up the stuff and head off toward Tai's room. Now, I don't know if you've been there or not, but Tai and Kari share a room. Now, normally I'd knock or something, but Tai told me she wasn't home so I just walked in.
Yeah, you guessed it. I don't know what happened to the trip, but there she was. I think she had been in the shower while we were gone, she was wet, and had her hair wrapped in a towel. Oh, and she was naked.
Yeah, completely naked.
Yes, I'm aware this sounds like a very good day for me. But there are huge problems with this.
No, no problems with her. Her body was fla-alright, not thinking about that now. I don't want to think about Kari naked, and I definitely did not want to see her naked.
This is no act, I fully admit I have a huge crush on Kari. But with that comes my desire not to upset her, and that means not seeing things she doesn't want me to. Nice, curvy things…damnit!
Enough Ken, we're moving on. So, naturally she screams and grabs a towel from her chair to hold in front of herself.
I didn't turn around because I was in shock, not because I wanted a longer look! Geez, have you no confidence in me? Anyway, I come to my senses and run turn around, apologizing, and slap my hands over my eyes for good measure.
No, I didn't peek through my hands Ken. I was turned around anyway.
No, there were no mirrors either. I was trying to not look at this, come on now! Anyway, I was heading toward the door, but stopped as I bumped into Tai.
Uh-oh is right. See, I was still turned around but I'm guessing Kari was still just holding a towel over her important bits. Lovely, love—anyway, Tai turns towards me and it was like staring at Death personified.
Well, it kinda looked like a scythe. He started yelling things, something about baby sister and honour and stuff, I couldn't really hear well because I was screaming in sheer terror in my mind.
Yeah, no real time to try and calmly explain things. See, he came running in still holding that huge knife and I like myself to be in a not-stabbed state. Tai blocking the doorway, that knife in his hand gripped until his knuckles were turning white, my only option was to leap out their window. Of course, I covered my eyes turning around again, so as not to see Kari. Turns out their window was closed.
Right through the window. Cut my arms up doing it, but I did this cool roll recovery and took off running. Cody showed it to me one time. He's an agile kid, though I have no idea how an old guy like his grandfather could teach him something like that. Moving on, I ran as fast a possible toward the stairs to the ground, I could hear Tai behind me yelling less than PG-13 threats. I thought the guy liked me!
Wow, really? From the roof? I guess he does like me then, if I've gotten away with what I have so far. Anyway, while I did have a bit of a head start I knew I couldn't outrun Tai, he's too fast. Did you know he was offered a TV to join the track team as a regular member?
Well, I still admire him even if he tried to kill me today.
I am not! So, when I got to the ground floor, I bolted, then spotted a guy barbecuing on the ground floor. He left his door open, so I ran back into the building. A brief apology to the wife was in order as I ran through their apartment and back into the hallway. Tai had run outside by this point, so I snuck out the back entrance.
She looked taken aback. I guess this just doesn't happen much. So, at this point I figure I've escaped right? Yeah, turns out Matt was coming to visit Tai. I'm heading toward the overpass by his place when I see Matt coming down the steps. "Davis!" he calls out. Now, I panic at this point and run up to him, whispering to keep quiet. "Look, I sorta accidentally walked in on Kari while she was getting dressed. So, don't tell Tai you saw me." "Tai, I got the stuff you wanted!"
Yeah, I'm guessing Tai heard him shout my name, and so Matt called out seeing him . He'd lost the knife somewhere, thankfully. Matt just smiles at me, telling me "it's more fun this way". IT'S MORE FUN THIS WAY!?
That's not funny Ken. Stop laughing! Why am I even friends with you?
Yeah, that sounds about right. So, I got up there and about halfway across when I hit it. A block of elderly people crossing from the other side. Completely blocking the way to the other side. So I find myself with two choices. A: Face Tai or B: Push my way through the geronimo wall-
The geriatric wall and probably hurt them.
I went with option C: Leap off the overpass and onto the top of a passing truck
No, I'm not embellishing. I actually jumped onto a truck as it passed underneath.
Yeah, I'm totally like Batman.
So, again I figure I've escaped. I dropped down to a lie, and tried not to fall off, I don't know what happened with Tai and Matt at this point. It was a bit of an unpleasant journey, but at least there was no longer a threat of Tai killing me.
We went driving around for about twenty minutes. Every time we were at a light, people in cars beside us kept honking and pointing at the roof. I don't think the driver understood. Turns out the truck was delivering some drinks to Yolei's store.
Seriously, I'm not making this up. Yolei came out to unload boxes when I dropped off the front of the truck onto the hood, and then the ground.
Yeah, I'd say she was a bit surprised. I explained the situation to Yolei. Then she just called me insane, claiming I'm an idiot and might've died. I say she's the idiot, I would've died if I didn't do it.
Don't agree with her!
Anyway, the driver started yelling at me after this. Except, his accent was atrocious so I-
Word of day calendar.
So I couldn't understand him.
Yeah, it was fruit juice.
Yeah, his name was Sal. Seriously, how often are you at her shop?
Sure Ken. She started unloading, so I decided to be nice and help her out.
Alright, I wanted to use this as leverage so I could hide out with her afterwards. So, we finished up pretty fast with my, she really seems like she has a hard time with the cases.
Oh, so you have a crush on her.
But you know she has a crush on you.
You guys are weird.
Having finished, Yolei gave me that look that she always gives me whenever she thinks I'm up to something. Fine, whenever I'm actually up to something. But I wasn't up to anything this time, I was just going to tell her what happened and hope she'd help me out. Alright already, I was going to make some claim that I was sticking up for Kari while Tai was being overprotective to trick her into helping me. Happy?
So, I made up some story about being chased around town by Tai because she smiled at me, in a completely platonic manner, and Tai overreacted.
Yeah I know, it's sad how believable an action that is from him.
So, Yolei's only real work was unpacking these boxes so we ended up walking back to her building together. She was ranting the entire time about how stupid Tai is, and how Kari can smile at whoever she wants, unless it's you.
No, you as in you. Ken.
You guys really are weird. So, we get up to Yolei's place, and head into her bedroom.
So, she's never let you inside? Well, I guess it isn't entirely neat. Stuffed animals everywhere, mixed with what looked like a couple broken computers off to the side. Look, we're getting side-tracked.
She told me to stay in there, not to touch anything, she had to go return something to T.K.
It was some big spoon or something, apparently she had forgotten to return it for weeks now.
Purple? Cooking spaghetti!?
Well, things fell apart again. Yolei burst into the room, yelling "Davis, how dare you rob Kari of her innocence!". This was followed by T.K., telling me he was going to beat the hell out of me for peeking on her.
No, there's nothing out that window but a long drop. Wasn't an option.
I grabbed some computer part on the ground, a pink elephant plush and took myself a hostage.
How could you possibly know its name?
Oh, you'll tell me eventually. T.K.'s about to hit me, but Yolei grabs his arm and pulls him back yelling "No, he'll hurt Snugglebuff!". At this point, we just kinda stared at each other. T.K. was visibly shaking, Yolei was a mixture of fear and anger…mostly anger.
I was backed up into a corner.
"It was an accident! Tai said she wasn't home, and I was just putting some stuff away!"
Of course it didn't. "You expect me to believe that? You've been crushing on Kari for years. Now put down Snugglebuff and take what you deserve. Maybe if T.K. hurts you enough we can convince Tai that's good enough."
Stuff it Ken. This was terrifying, Tai was coming!
Yeah, that's right. Tai called T.K. and gave him, what I can only assume, was a horrible lie.
Okay, but it still painted me as worse that I really was. Anyway, my saviour arrived in the form of a small lad carrying sugar. He had come to borrow sugar, and decided to investigate what all the yelling was about. What followed was a verbal fight between Yolei, T.K. and me that I somehow won.
That's a lie, but I appreciate your effort. After our stories were told, Yolei still restraining T.K., I was still holding the plushie hostage and Cody was slightly chuckling.
"Davis wouldn't peek on Kari, he's not like that. This is just Tai overreacting to something Davis had no control over. Let's all just calm down." Cody's a good kid I tell ya. So, I slowly start putting down my hostage and Yolei slowly releases T.K. while they move aside from the door.
No, but there was a different plan for my escape than this. As soon as my hostage was free, Yolei yelled "Get him!" and they started to move. I immediately ran for the door, and Cody dropped low and swept his leg out to block them. During this important pause in their advance, I vaulted over Cody and out the door, out of the apartment and down the stairs.
Yeah, we actually tried that a couple times previously, except I was meant to vault over him and attack someone on the other side, while he swung in front of himself with his sword. His grandfather called it wasteful and useless but we thought it looked very cool.
Exactly. The guy's pretty strict about Cody's training, but he's grown to accept my screwing around with Cody because he says I'm a good Go student.
Yeah, remember when that rumour started that Kari had a crush on Suzaku? Well, it was started by the club to attract more people, with Kari playing along because the guy saved her cat once or something.
No, her actual cat. Me being me, I immediately started learning Go to try and impress her. When the rumour had come out as false, I had already spent so much time learning that I decided to continue. Brain's a muscle too right? And a game with life or death fights certainly beats Math.
Yeah, except I found Tai running up the stairs so I ran back up the stairs, and ended up on the roof.
Yeah I heard it, you told me it like 10 minutes ago. So there I am, trapped on the roof as Tai, T.K., Yolei and Cody all come up to the roof after me. I'm screwed right?
Well, it was all thanks to the lazy superintendent of the building.
You know plumbing?
Find a new hobby Ken.
Like I said, weird. So, I bolted to the edge, and jumped down onto the fire escape on the side, and started running down.
Other side, not the side with Yolei's window. That would've made things too convenient.
Well, everytime I hit a ladder section, it was so rusted it fell apart. They couldn't get down to chase me.
Illegal schmilegal. It saved me. But going with my day, it did collapse entirely halfway, throwing me into a dumpster. Lost my shoe somewhere, no idea where it is. I knew I could get a big lead at this point while they ran down the stairs, so I ran down the alley away from the public transit, hoping they would think I went there. Went 10 blocks out of my way and took the train here.
And all of it is true.
Not sure, stay here for today. Sneak home somehow, hopefully let it all blow over.
You could walk in on Yolei! Make everyone forget what happened to Kari!
Right, you getting killed isn't better than me getting killed.
Answer it, I'll hide in your room.
Kari! Oh god, I'm so sorry. Do you want to hit me? Tell me how horrible I am, how you'll never look at me again?
That's right, I hate the idea of seeing you naked. Wait, no, of course I want to see you naked. No! What I mean is…
Yeah, that's it. Thanks Kari.
But I'll be killed by a number of people.
How'd you manage that? Made them believe I'm as honest a guy as you believe?
To photograph nature, not blackmail people!
Wouldn't dream of it.
Yeah, home and rest is sounding good. Just let me talk to Ken for a second, I'll meet you in the lobby.
Well, as always Ken, it's been fun. Can you lend me train fare? She said I should pay her fare as a man. I guess it's the least I can do to thank her for forgiving me AND saving me.
What's chivalry? What are you talking about?
We're totally not weird. You just think normal is weird, Mr. I-unload-Sal's-truck-and-fix-showers.
Well, I hope that was amusing. Try and insert what you thought Ken (and briefly Kari) was saying/doing while Davis told his story, I tried to guide this without just giving it away, as I thought of a few different things or just a general idea.