Hi everybody! Thanks for checking this out. As the summary said, this is a song parody to Macavity, the Mystery Cat from the musical Cats, and it came from listening to the song over and over again while I worked on another Mansion story. So I guess that means that I don't own Cats or the Haunted Mansion, and it also means that this song is permanently stuck in my head. Quick note, at the seventh stanza, I guess you would call it, cursed is with the stress on the 'ed'. You know, like how Barbossa says it in Pirates. So, that's it. Read, sing, review, and enjoy!


Leota is a medium
She has some hidden means
For she's a merry murderess who can move around unseen.
She's the bafflement of all she meets.
All the police squads' despair
For when they reach the scene of the crime, Leota is not there!

Leota, Leota, there's no one like this woman
She's broken every human law
And there's no telling what she can summon
Her knowledge of magic would make a wizard stare
And when you reach the scene of the crime, Leota is not there!

You may seek her in her séance circle.
You may look up in the air.
But I tell you once and once again,
Leota is not there.

Leota is a beauty
She's the prettiest you've ever seen
You would know her if you saw her, for her eyes are poisonous green
From her mouth come evil words
Her teeth are white and pearly
Her life is warped from neglect
Her hair is black and curly
She sways her head from side to side
With movements like a snake
And when you think she's half-asleep
She's always wide-awake!

Leota, Leota, there's no one like Leota
For she's a fiend in female shape
And she cares not one iota
You may meet her in a gypsy camp
You may see her at a fair
But when a crime's discovered, then Leota is not there.

She's outwardly unrespectable
I know she deals tarot cards
And she's escaped everyone's forces, even Scotland Yard's

And when a guest is cursed
Or the jewel cases rifled
Or when some blood is on the stair
Or another witness is stifled
Or the greenhouse glass is broken and the coffin's sealed with care
There's the wonder of the thing: Leota is not there!

Leota, Leota, there's no one like this medium
There never was a person of such deceitfulness and no tedium
She always has an alibi and one or two to spare
Whatever time the deed took place, Leota was not there.

And they say that all the murders, which are very strange indeed,
(I might mention Lily Gracey, I might mention Master George.)
Are nothing more than examples of her villainy and spite,
The woman who controls the manor
The Master of Future Sight!

Leota, Leota, there's no one like Leota
For she's a fiend in female shape
And she cares not one iota
You may meet her in a gypsy camp
You may see her at a fair
But when a crime's discovered, then Leota is not there.