House: Review by DD Agent

This is a little one shot where Cuddy tries to get House to write his Performance Review with interesting consequences. Only a little bit of fluff.

Disclaimer: The characters don't belong to me, but to the wonder that is Fox. And the amazing things that are House and Cuddy completely belong to their actors Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein.

Pairings: House/ Cuddy. Is there any other?

Spoilers: Series 3: pregnancy attempts and one-night stands.

If you like, please review.

It was the annual self-performance review that Cuddy had been stressing out for over a week on. Wilson's was fine. All the other residents had been fine. It was just House that was driving her mad. Every time she had brought up the subject of the review, he had changed it again or started yelling at anyone in the vicinity or had begun to tap his can harder and harder against the wall.

She had avoided him all morning; there had been a new donor to show round and a problem with accounting. But now it was lunchtime, and she could pin the vicodin-addicted doctor finally. Today, House had chosen to sit with the other doctors in the cafeteria instead of a lone table in the corner. However, there was a five-foot space in every direction around him, so he wasn't really with the other doctors.

Cuddy braved the danger zone and sat down in front of the formidable Gregory House.

"Dr. House…" Cuddy began, but was interrupted.

"Cuddy…can't you see I'm busy? I'm building a pavilion out of teacakes and twiglets. It's extremely British in the caf today,"

House smirked at her before continuing to stick the crisps into the soft marshmallow.

"Your performance review. It's over due and you are the only person who hasn't filled yours in."

"You do it. I'm sure you'll find something to put in there. Always on time. Works well in a team. Gets on great with the patients."

"I can't lie Greg."

"Sure you can Lisa," he replied, stressing her name.

She was about to snap at him when she felt something rub against her right leg. Realising it was his good leg, Cuddy turned to face him surprised. No sign of his under table actions showed on his face. Against her better judgment, Cuddy raised her leg and ran hers up his. He put his down with an audible bang on the floor, making her jump out of her skin. Rising from the table she began to walk out of the cafeteria, tied of his games.

"I'll do the review," came a voice from behind her.

"What changed your mind?"

"You have soft feet," House announced, not really heard by anyone except the two of them.

Cuddy turned around, a light blush on her cheeks as she walked out the door. House grinned as he finished his junk food architecture, still feeling the softness of her skin on his leg.


Later on that day, Cuddy was going through the inevitable paperwork that came to her as the Dean of Medicine. Her door creaked open, and she was surprised to see that House was hobbling through the entrance. In his hand were a couple of sheets of paper haphazardly stapled together.

"Review," House stated, raising the paper with the hand not currently resting on his cane.

"I will not accept Cameron's work. You really should learn to do your own," Cuddy smirked, finishing her signature on the last few documents.

"Funny. Boobs look good."

"I'm not pregnant," Cuddy made a gimme gesture with her hands and House handed over the piece of paper. He then proceeded to sit down in one of the chairs in her office.

Cuddy skimmed the piece of paper, her face fixed in a state between bemusement and laughter at some of the things he had written.

"Devilishly handsome?" Cuddy asked.

"I thought it was worth mentioning."

"You did. Twice."

House smiled as he laid down on the small couch she had in her office and fished his I Pod out of his pocket. He had only one earphone in when Cuddy's dulcet tones drew him out of his Boomtown Rats revere.

"Works hard in all aspects of his work? I take it you weren't including clinic in this statement," Cuddy muttered to the doctor, who had since then stood up. "Someone put itching powder in your pants?"

"If I did, I would have taken them off already," House said and grabbed the review out of Cuddy's hands and began to read out loud.

"I work well with all my current peers, including my team. I particularly get on well with Doctor Chase, as over time we have grown to have a Father- Son relationship. Outside, I have very good ties with the justice system and the police department, as well as several contacts in local businesses."

"What? Bars and brothels?"

"Never been to a brothel, not when you can order them in. Can I continue? Good. I have a fantastic relationship with the Dean of Medicine, Doctor Cuddy. We have grown close over the years, although not as close as when we first met…"

"Stop talking."

"Make me."

Tired of his antics, Cuddy stood up from her desk and walked over to House. Slowly, she took the review from his hands and tossed it on his desk.

"If this is what you want Doctor House."

Cuddy's hands moved up his jacket and around his neck, hooking there. She used one to bring his head closer to hers. Their lips met in a chaste kiss, one that was over before it had begun. She pulled away for a moment, before Houses hands on her waist pulled her back to him. His mouth was on hers before she could have chance to think and she instantly parted her lips so his tongue could gain access to her mouth. Cuddy could taste the vicodin, and it was strangely arousing. Their passionate kiss seemed to last forever, but Cuddy couldn't care. She didn't realise when House tossed half her desks ornaments aside to place her there. She had no idea that his hands were now under her jacket and her shirt until she felt his warm hands on her bare skin.

"Not here."

"Why not?"

"It's my office?"

"So? That's where we started our foreplay the first time. I had you up against those glass doors before you even had time to take your jacket off," House teased, his hands spreading apart the jacket and leaving her with only the thin cotton shirt on.

"I want to give you my thoughts on your review somewhere a bit more comfortable. Somewhere where there is a bed, and somewhere where my staff won't hear me scream," Cuddy whispered in his ear.

"You obviously haven't heard about the secret camera Wilson installed…" House began, but was stopped by Cuddy's mouth on his. He moaned inside her mouth, her taste was exquisite and addictive. And when her hands moved lower, the rest of the world could have gone to hell. He wouldn't have noticed and he wouldn't have cared.


The next morning, and Cuddy lay in the safe bubble that was House's arms. They had made love until the early hours of the morning, rediscovering each other after a long time. The grumpy doctor beside her placed a light kiss on his shoulder and rolled over to find his pants. He needed his morning vicodin.

"I think I should persist you for paperwork more often," Cuddy chuckled, drawing the sheet around her and watching her lover rootle around looking for his pills.

"Oh definitely," House smiled, chucking back a couple of tablets and then placing his mouth on hers.