Disclaimer: I don't own anything here. I'm sure you can figure out who owns them. c: Unless you don't recognize it and I don't give credit for it… then I own it. The song is owned by Five For Fighting. I am earning no money from this and I mean no form of copyright infringement. If anyone is offended I can and will take the lyrics down.
100 Years to Live
I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are.
My first day of Sophomore year, just as scary as Freshman year. I smiled, trying to fight closing my eyes, as Renee took the umpteenth picture of the morning. It was tradition for her to photograph every moment of the first morning of school.
I'm pretty sure she would photograph me shaving my legs if I would let her.
"Darling, are you ready?"
I sighed. Would I ever be ready?
Cynthia was my best friend all through out Jr. High, but the summer before high school changed her. She grew fives inches, developed a waist line and boobs, which as every teen girl knows gives her the right to be a snobby bitch and have a skater boyfriend.
Yeah, we were good friends.
I smiled at my mother, "Of course I am."
Cynthia and I weren't friends anymore, but my mother wasn't aware of that. She wasn't aware of the fact that all those times I went to the movies with my friends, I was really at the library slowly working my way through the Great Works of Literature section.
Although I was bitter about Cynthia leaving me for Ryan or Brian or Matt, I knew that deep down I was jealous. Jealous that she had found the happiness I had read so much about in my books, even if her happiness wouldn't last.
The image of true happiness had never been a clear one for me, what if Renee and Charlie and all of Renee's failed romances afterwards. But all the classics made me hunger for one, even the not so great classics which I soon switched to after I finished the classics.
I could only hope and dream that one day I would find my own love. Even if it didn't last, those wonderful moments would be dear to me.
I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars.
It was dangerous; the direction we were heading. And yet, I trailed further down her neck, the soft supple skin failing to protect her precious veins, her lifelines, from outside danger.
Her gasps filled the air quietly, thrilling me and exciting me. Her small hands pressed against my back and neck, pushing me towards her while my mind desperately tried to tell me to pull away.
But the feeling of her against me, the wanting, the frantic clinging shoved all thought from my mind.
I smiled against her skin as she nudged me with her hands and chin back to her lips, her breath entered me, slightly marred by her lunch, but still sweet as ever. Her mouth opened against mine, the feeling of her tongue and teeth brought me back to Earth.
Or was it Hell?
"Bella, Bella, oh Isabella," I murmured against her sweet smelling hair.
"Edward," her voice whined, "We need to stop this," her voice was deadly serious, her breath calm. Something that had happened over the years, she had joked once about our kissing was the best cardio every. I agreed with her whole heartedly until she said it was the safest for her, meaning that there was no way for her to trip and fall.
"I know, I shouldn't have let it go that far-"
"No! That's exactly it, Edward," she pushed me away from her and hovered over me, her eyes were hot and angry and yet icy and distant. It was just another quality of Bella I had learned to love and cherish.
"Edward, I want that. I want to go further. I want to be able to kiss freely and without limitations," her deep eyes were watering and it broke my heart to hear such words coming from her, to realize that I couldn't fulfill her desires no matter how strong or powerful I was.
She knelt down next to me and grabbed my hands, "I want to make love to you Edward," Bella was never this forward and though it pained me I loved hearing her innermost thoughts, "And I can't do that if I'm human."
I clenched my jaw, feeling my dead heart break with hers, "You know I can't change you, Bella."
"I've come to realize that. You've taken me away from everyone, making it impossible for Carlisle to change me. I just can't understand it, Edward. You say you love me and would do anything for me and yet you refuse me the one thing I want the most. The one thing that will keep us together forever.
"Do you think I like being older than you? A few years, okay, I can manage. But what about in five years, when I'm 27. That's a decade older than you and I don't know if I'm okay with that," she took a deep breath and looked at me with shining dark eyes.
"I need you to make a decision, Edward. And I need you to make it soon," she looked truly sorry for what she was having to do. And I didn't need to be a mind reader to be able to know what was coming, "I'm going to go to sleep for tonight and when I wake up I'm going to need your answer of whether or not you are going to change me."
She kissed me softly, "And if I say no?" I asked, pushing the limit.
She stopped at the door and sighed, "Then I'm going to pack a bag, take the car and go back to Forks. I'll see you in the morning."
And she left the room. I listened to her walk down the hall to the bedroom. I sighed, leaning back on the couch, losing myself in my thoughts.
She had given me the worst possible ultimatum; change her or let her leave. I knew I couldn't force her to stay, but I wasn't sure if I could change her. Take her soul away from her. Her soul was what I loved about her; her forgiveness and acceptance. Everything she had shown me in the past years.
And yet I knew those things would slowly disappear in our relationship if I continued to refuse her wishes. But I knew I couldn't condemn her to this life, I never wanted to have to see her drink from an animal like a savage. Like me.
I didn't want to take away the blush in cheeks and lips. Take away her ability to sleep. Her ability to dream. Things about her I cherished and knew she would miss.
I didn't want her to suffer with the guilt of being a killer, even if it meant being with her forever.
The night went on like this, a fight within myself. I could be with my Bella forever, but I would have to kill her forever.
I heard Bella walk over to the door and her sweatshirt rustle when she raised her hand to knock, "Come in," I said automatically.
"Morning, Edward," she said calmly. It appeared as if everything was normal, except she wasn't coming and running into my arms like she normally would.
"Morning, Bella," I looked up at her, she had already showered and eaten breakfast. We sat there, letting the silence soak in around us.
"I guess I'll just cut to the chase," she let out a harsh laugh, "Have you made your decision?"
She sat down next to me and kept her hands in her lap, before this should have leaned into me and automatically find my hand to hold, "Yes, I have."
"And?" she looked into my eyes and finally grabbed my hand.
"Isabella, I love you more than I can express. What I feel for you is beyond anything I've ever felt or seen on my time on Earth and I've seen a lot. But," I felt her hand tighten on mine, "because of this I can't change you. I can't kill you to love you longer-"
"Okay," she let go of my hand and got up. She was really going through with this.
I got up and I followed her to the door, "You don't have to do this, Bella. You don't need to go through with this."
She looked up at me, touched my cheek and smiled, "Yeah, I do Edward."
"Why?" I held her hand closer to my cheek, letting the warmth float on my skin.
"Because," she let out a breath and pondered the thought, "Because I guess I'm shallower than I thought, Edward. I know you are okay with the age difference, but I'm not. Even right now, I'm five years older than you. I practically feel ancient compared to you and to know that the difference is just going to become worse doesn't help.
"I'm just not okay with that," she kissed one last time. She opened the door and grabbed her bag that was sitting outside. I had been so involved in my own thoughts I never heard her pack the bag.
And as the front door shut and her car started I realized something.
She knew I was going to say no.
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live.