So, I realize I promised I would be continuing this fanfic, and I'm keeping that promise. I also realize that this is a short filler chapter...going from chapter two I forgot how I had planned to proceed so I had to start from scratch this afternoon. I'm hoping to post the next chapter--which should be fairly long--by sunday at least because I have to reread the beginning of New Moon. Probably starting from the next chapter there will be a lot of stuff from the book because, basically, this is Edward's version of New Moon (until whenever I want to stop...may stop during Eclipse, may be earlier...) with a twist of my own, so there will be points in which the dialogue will be identical to the book--but descriptions I am going to come up all on my own! LOL!
Currently I am consumed with writing and working on finishing Life With Edward Back, and that's the reason why this hasn't been updated in months. And, I'd like to apologize to ya'll for that...very bad of me, I know.
Oh, and I'd like thank the following reviews for guessing correctly on the question from the previous chapter: edwardslove4ever, A Rose in the Night, Monkei-en-TuTu, Kiss Me Like You Mean It, Andy Iron, and Yoruhoshi-Sora. I give you all a thousand kudos for answering it correctly! LOL!
Disclaimer: I don't own...(tears)...IT!!!!! Stephenie Meyer does!
Chapter 2: Conflicts of the Mind
I drove around, letting the speed erase away the remnants of my breakdown with Esme. I still had about three hours until I had to be back at the house to pick up the others, so I just randomly chose a road and took off, not worrying about how much gas I burned; the tank was full, so why fret over the idea of running out. If I wanted to, I could drive a state or two over without putting much of a dent in a full tank.
Slowly, as I drove on and on, thirty minutes rolled by and only two and a half hours remained. Vaguely I remember glancing at the clock, then succumbing to the thoughts clouding my conscience.
My mind was split in two, feuding over which was right about the one question that plagued me: Would I ever leave her?
One side argued, You would never leave her, and, for that matter, are unable to even if you wished to do so. Your love for her is too strong, resilient enough to bond you to her eternally and not allow you to leave. There's no point pondering thoughts that are inane to think; they're never going to happen, never going to take place outside the boundaries of your mind. The other disagreed, stating, If her life depended upon your leaving, then you'd do it. If you had to because her life was at stake, then you would. There's no doubt about it. You'd put her safety before anything, even being near her.
The tension between the two sides made me grip the steering wheel and floor the accelerator. I watched the speedometer as the gauge gradually adjusted to read 240 mph. Smirking as I savored the speed, I allowed my troubles to fall off into the wake of the car as it raced on.
The feeling as the thoughts washed from my mind was relieving, like a thick fog over my psyche had dissipated and finally allowed room for me to think clearly.
I thought for a moment or two about what I, as a whole—not two separate entities—was going to do for the time being about my unanswerable question. I could talk to Jasper or Carlisle, but that would most likely not end well; both would surely tell me to do what I felt was right, and as I've already figured out, I have no idea what I feel is right.
Again, I glanced at the clock. Now only an hour and a half was left until I had to be back at the house. Slamming on my breaks at an empty intersection, I made a wide U-turn and headed back, determined to get there as soon as I could.
Driving, I decided, had definitely not been the best way to vent my frustrations because they all circled back to that damn question, and that didn't help me in my current state.
I just wanted to think of Bella; of how little dimples appeared whenever she smiled, how the sun made copper streaks glisten in her hair, how she looked deep into my eyes, conveying her love to me.
Then and there—at that precise moment—I decided that the question I worried about finding an answer to was unimportant. I resolved to just live in the moment and not imagine things such as my leaving and whether or not I'd be able to do it. Bella was in no danger at the present, and had eyes watching her every moment of the day, whether it be by mine or another of the family's.
Sorry again for the extreme shortness. Oh, and I wanted to forwarn you guys that the fanfic, as I continue writing it, will be under severe editing because I realize there are some issues about the transition between chapter 2 amd this chapter. Anywho, reviews are very much appreciated becasue they make me want to write faster (hint, hint!).