Title: Language Arts, or Why Harry decided to expand his vocabulary

Disclaimer: J.K.R owns Harry Potter, not me. That's why she's making the big bucks, and I'm deciding between paying for books and buying food.

A/N: Just something that popped out of my head and wouldn't leave me alone.


"Tom." Green eyes met red. Voldemort had attacked Hogsmead village, hoping to finally kill his nemesis. All around htem a battle raged, Death Eaters and Order members attacking each other fiercely.

"Harry Potter. We meet again." Harry rolled his eyes.

"Really, Tom, where do you get your speeches? You sound like the villain in a cheesy movie."

Voldemort glared. "You contumelious little whelp! Crucio!"

Harry dodged the beam of red light. He was about to counter with a stupefy, when he suddenly stopped, frowning. "Wait- what did you call me?" Voldemort sighed.

"Contumelious. It means arrogant. Now, can we get back to our duel? I believe I was just about to kill you." Voldemort thew another curse at the Gryffindor, who deflected it with a quick shield spell. They traded curses for several minutes, when the heir of Slytherin nearly screamed in frustration. "You obdurate child! Why won't you die already!"

"Obdurate? What the hell does that mean?" Harry rolled out of the way of a dark blue curse.

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes, it does! Damn it, if you're going to insult me, at least make sure I can understand you. Common sense, really." Neither noticed as the battle around them slowed, as both sides watched, puzzled, as the two wizards argued.

"It's not my fault your vocabulary is sub-par, you ignorant oaf!"

"Well, I'm sorry, but some of us have better things to do than sit around, reading a dictionary."

"Just because I'm not an illiterate troglodyte-"

"That means 'stupid', Harry." Hermione yelled helpfully from when she was standing, wand still pointed at Bellatrix Lestrange.

"-Thank you, little girl. It's good to know that at least one of my opponents has a brain in their head." Hermione flushed a little at the compliment. Voldemort rolled his eyes. "This had really gotten quite boring. And pointless, I might add. I remember the good old days, when a Dark Lord could get some genuine witty banter from his nemesis..." The Slytherin trailed off. Waving his wand, he conjured a small, rectangular object.

"We will continue this later." Without warning, he hurled the object at Harry, who almost managed to duck in time to avoid it. With a nod to his followers, the Dark Lord vanished, the Death Eaters not far behind. Ron ran up to his friend.

"Bloody hell, mate! What was that all about?" Harry shook his head, puzzled. He looked down at the object- a book- lying at his feet. Bending down to pick it up, he read the title out loud.

"Roget's II: The New Thesaurus, Third Edition."