A/N: Can anyone say 'crack!fic'? I think I'm alternatively being inspired to cracky fics and angsty fics, which generally isn't a bad way to go about it really when you think about it, but I'm not getting a whole lot done with my established fics, which is bad. The idea(s) are there, I'm just not finding the inspiration to sit down and work through them.

Anyway, not beta'd. "Plot" beta'd, but not grammar-proofed.

The next one on deck ready to be posted is one I'm calling This Most Exquisite Torture (and thank you so much to Absentia for that title. Can you tell the good titles are the ones I don't think of myself? Why do you people EVER leave me alone to pick my own titles, huh?) Abbie is also beta'ing that one for me and so is Kysra. And yeah, it'll be angst. Major Angst-fest. Or, as Abbie calls it, a "Dick!Fic" (and get yer heads outta the gutter! It's not like that!)

But this isn't a commercial for that one! G'on, read this one. Make up your own minds to the level of the crackiness! Mwahahahahaha...

Thanks: To, as I mentioned above, Absentia and Kysra who both read this for plot and who encouraged me to post this, so you can blame...er...thank (?) them for this as well.

And of course, to those of you out there (you know who you are) who review every single piece of crap I put out with words of encouragement and support.

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue. You'd be last in a long line of creditors – well, not so long actually, but student loans trump everything and there's plenty due on those loans, so you won't get diddly...unless you care to wait for thirty years?

Warning: Slightly limey.

Wake Up Call
by Em

"I kiss'd thee ere, I kill'd thee."
- William Shakespeare, Othello

"How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on."
- Ballance's Law of Relativity

"Where do you think you're going?"

His voice was thick and deep from sleep and slightly muffled by the pillow, but his arm was firm around her and she had no doubt that although he still might be half-asleep, he was awake enough to keep her from going where she had intended to go.

She fell back against the pillows, relaxing her body from the attempted escape. "I have to go to the bathroom," she replied, her own voice gruff from disuse.

"Nuh-uh," he said, pulling her closer and pressing his nose against the side of her neck. "Too comfortable."

"Well," she said, "No one's asking you to get up."

He didn't reply which she correctly interpreted to mean he was unmoved by her argument.

"Robin," she tried to be reasonable. "You know what happens if someone cannot use the restroom when they have to, don't you?"

He shrugged, but since he was still sprawled half pining her down, it was just the barest shift of well toned, bare shoulders. "Oh, well," he mumbled.

"Don't make me use my powers..." she threatened.

He chuckled, the vibrations traveling through her skin to the tips of her toes. She loved his laugh. "Try."

But she hated his stubborness. And really, he knew way too much about her for her liking. Still, realizing that she never used her powers until she'd been up at least an hour was just like him. "Fine," she decided. He left her no choice, really. "In that case..." she trailed off, running the pads of her fingers in a feather light caress from his waist up past his ribcage and around to his shoulder blades.

"Mmm," he said, his bare torso erupting in goosebumps. He shifted a little to give her better access and she raised her head the smallest inch she needed to be able to kiss the part of him closest to her, her lips pressing against his shoulder. When she pressed her lips to his shoulder again, it was to use her teeth to nip gently at the skin, pressing her lips against the bite quickly. He sucked in his breath thought his teeth and shifted a little more. "Raven," he said warningly.

"Too early for you, Boy Wonder?" she whispered, her breath ghosting against the skin she had just kissed.

"Keep doing that and you'll find out soon enough," he grumbled.

She smiled to herself as she realize his voice was deep with something other than sleep. "If you insist," she said, lifting her left hand to join the right at his shoulder blades, turning using her nails to gently, slowly slide down from shoulder-blades to the small of his back, stopping just at the waistband of his sweatpants. She raised her hands just as slowly, using the pads of her fingers again, holding onto his shoulders for leverage as she raised herself up to reach the underside of his neck, her lips pressing against his Adam's apple.

When she started to pull away, he tightened his hold on her and flipped her the rest of the way so that her back was fully pressed onto the mattress, his arms caging her on either side of her face as they held him above her.

"I thought you were too comfortable to move?" she asked blandly.

"This promises to be better," he answered, smirking.

She raised her arms to cup the back of his head, her fingers threading through the soft strands of his longish hair. "Promises, promises," she said, pulling him down to her.

Their lips met and all bets were off. Robin braced himself on his elbows on either side of her to keep his weight off of her body even as his legs wrapped up in hers. The heavy down comforters that spent the night mostly off him and wrapped around her anyway (he had learned she was a cover-hog) slipped off the side of the bed, pooling unnoticed on the floor next to her side of the bed. He leaned more on her, deepening the kiss, barely feeling it when she helped free his use of his hands by turning them so that he was on his back and her much lighter weight was astride the length of his body.

When they came up for air, she lifted herself into a sitting position on his thighs, her legs folded on either side of him, bracing her hands on his chest, her hair in wild disarray around her face as she looked down at him. She smiled that soft, slow smile he had discovered only recently and took hold of his hands where they were braced on her hips, and slowly leaning forward, entwining her fingers in his, bringing his hands with hers to press on either side of his face as she leaned down close to him. She was so close the tips of her hair tickled his chin.

She searched his face for a moment before finally bridging the distance between them and kissing him again, softly, delicately tasting his lips as if it were the first time, the way she always seemed to whenever she initiated a kiss between them. When she pulled back from him, he probably should've known what her intention was, but he was not really paying as much attention as he probably should have been.

"The things I have to do to use the bathroom," she huffed, and before he could really process what her words meant in his desire-clouded mind, she had slipped off the bed and was halfway across his room and he was alone on the bed. He didn't even bother sitting up or looking for her. He could hear her padding across the floor to the bathroom.

'So she won this round,' he thought, 'so what?'

She'd have to come out of the bathroom at some point, wouldn't she?


A/N: So...cracky enough for ya?