After seeing the movie, that part where Bumblebee "lubricated" on Agents Simmons absolutely cracked me up, so I couldn't resist doing this. Transformers belong to Hasbro, not to me.


Don't Lubricate on the Human

It was Agent Simmons favorite suit. The one he wore on most assignments, though he had twenty others exactly like it, it was the one he had grown the most fond of. It fit him just right, and hid the boxers and undershirt he liked to wear of his favorite superheroes. His badge would sit nicely in his pocket, creating no absurd bulge in his chest that made people wonder.

But it didn't matter now. Because of the transformers and Sector Seven's horrible job in handling them, Agent Simmons had lost his job along with the six others in his workforce. His badge was taken away and he could no longer shove it in peoples faces declaring, "I'm Agent Simmons of Sector Seven, let me in."

And because of the transformers, Bumblebee in particular, his favorite suit was history. The stupid robot had "lubricated" all over him, all over his favorite suit. Agents Simmons had toiled endlessly trying to get the deep stains out of his suit, but try as he might they just wouldn't come out. His suit was forever ruined.

Because of that robot, his job was gone and his favorite suit was gone. And Agent Simmons wanted revenge. Bumblebee was the one he chose to get his revenge on, and he had the perfect idea in mind.


Sam Witwicky had just woken up and gone down to the kitchen to get breakfast when the telephone rang. His parents were still in bed, and since he was right there, Sam answered the phone. "Hello?" he asked into the receiver.

"Good morning, this is Agent Simmons. Is this Sam Witchity?"

"That's Witwicky, and yes this is Sam speaking,"

"Ah Sam, it's been a while since we've last spoken. I have a question for you,"

"Look, if you're just trying to take Bumblebee from me again then—

"Sam my man don't jump to conclusions! I was only wondering if you'd like to join me for lunch,"

Sam pondered this for a moment, "I don't know. Knowing you, you've probably got something planned."

"Why would I want to mess with you when you have a car who transforms into a giant robot?"

"Well maybe because this giant robot caused you to lose your job and he did—

"Really Sam, I don't want to be reminded of that incident. Now what do you say? You won't have to pay a dime and we can go wherever you want to,"

"Well," Sam pondered not at all liking the sounds of this, "If you insist. What do you say we meet at the Chinese place a few blocks from my home?" The boy was hoping Agent Simmons would agree to this so he could walk there and leave Bumblebee home.

"Chinese food gives me serious heart burn," Agent Simmons replied, "What about that new seafood restaurant?

That knew seafood restaurant was located just outside of town and Sam knew he would have to drive there. Unable to think of a reasonable excuse, Sam agreed and the two arranged to meet there at noon.

Hanging up the phone, Sam ate a light breakfast and then went outside to where Bumblebee was in the driveway. Upon seeing the boy, the disguised robot revved his engine happy to see him. Sam grinned and leaned against the Camero.

"Well I'm meeting Agent Simmons for lunch today. What do you think about that?"

Bumblebee, who had his voice repaired replied, "I think he's up to something. As your guardian I strongly advise you to be careful Sam."

"I had the same feeling, but he says he wouldn't mess with me while you were around," Sam exclaimed, "I guess we'll have to wait and see come noon. I'm going to go get ready."

"Don't get lost in your room," Bumblebee stated acknowledging the horrid mess that Sam's room was.

Sam waved him off and went back inside his home.


When the appointed hour arrived, Agent Simmons and Sam met at the seafood restaurant. There wasn't much of a crowd and the two men were seated a few minutes upon walking into the restaurant.

Looking over the menu Agents Simmons commented, "Well Mr. Witwickity, see anything you want?"

"That's Witwicky, and I've got my eye on the fried shrimp," Sam explained.

"Ah yes, that sounds good, but I think I'll go for the lobster," Agent Simmons remarked.

The waitress came and took their orders and then disappeared into the kitchen to get their beverages. Sam eyed Agent Simmons for a moment and then asked, "So, just why did you want to have lunch with me?"

"I felt I owed something to you," Agent Simmons quickly responded lying, "I mean after all I did to you and Bumblebee."

"You didn't owe anything to use," Sam explained, "I mean we thought it was fair enough that you lost your job."

Agent Simmons looked up at him with a look of resentment on his face, "I meant on a… personal level."

"Losing your job is personal isn't it?" Sam inquired as the waitress came back with there drinks and then went off to another table.

"To a degree yes, but I made enough money with that job to enjoy the rest of my life," Agent Simmons clarified.

Sam had good reasons to hold a grudge against this agent and thus continued, "What about that suit of yours? Did you ever get it cleaned?"

The Sector Seven agent fingered his glass, "No. And I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive Bumblebee for ruining my favorite suit."

"Well you know how it is when you really have to go and you just get to a certain point where you can't hold it in any longer,"

"I suppose so," he remarked smiling to himself.

Sam eyed him suspiciously and the two remained quiet for a few minutes. Then the teenager asked, "So, are you going to get a new job?"

"I've been looking around trying to see what's here,"

"You know the garbage company is looking for help, maybe you could get a job cleaning up everybody's garbage,"

"Yeah right," Agent Simmons stated then smirked, "I was thinking something to do with plumbing. I've had the right education for it."

Sam didn't catch on to what he was hinting at and said, "You know, I can picture you now bending over a broken toilet with your butt crack on display to the world."

Agent Simmons frowned. This boy was good at the insults. Finally there meals came and the two ate in silence. When both were finished, the waitress came back with the check. Handing Sam the correct sum of money Agent Simmons asked, "Sam, could you do me a favor and pay the bill? The lobster hit me and I got to use the bathroom."

"Yeah sure," Sam exclaimed.

The two men parted and while Sam wasn't looking, Agent Simmons snuck out of the restaurant and over to Bumblebee. When he got to the car he said, "Well Bumblebee, you've had this coming to you for a long time now."

Standing clear of the doors and out of Bumblebee's path incase he tried to drive away, Agent Simmons undid his pants and went to relieve his bladder just as Sam walked out of the restaurant and immediately spied him.

Running over to his car Sam shouted, "Hey! Do not even think about pissing on my car!"

Surprised, Agent Simmons looked over at the teen just as Sam punched him hard in the gut. Agent Simmons turned away from Bumblebee in pain and accidentally "lubricated" on the police car parked next to Bumblebee.

The police officer happened to be coming out of the restaurant right at that moment came over demanding to know why Agent Simmons had peed all over his car. Unable to come up with a good excuse, Agent Simmons redid his pants and was taken downtown by the police officer.

"Well I'll be," Bumblebee exclaimed suddenly, "I thought Agent Simmons would go after you, not me."

"He seems to have the worst luck in the world," Sam remarked getting in the car, "Let's go home."

"Right away,"

"Oh, and Bumblebee?"

"Yes Sam?"

"Watch that puddle when you're backing out,"


Well, I'd appreciate reviews, no flames. My sister said this was stupid and I shouldn't post it, but she didn't understand how badly I needed to get this out of me. Please, be gentle!