Disclaimer: Anything Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling the plot and O.C.'s are mine.

Authors Note: It's been a good long time since I have written anything remotely funny, and I figured it's about time I should, since my humor is what I value the most about myself. I hope you find this story entertaining. So to start off with, let me explain to you what it's going to be about, since it's still a work in progress. It's about Lucius Malfoy, since he's my favorite Harry Potter character by far. And we all know about Lucius and his views concerning us non magical folk, commonly referred to as "muggles." Well, I figure, why not have a bit of fun with Lucius? Why not force him to live as a muggle? Should be fun right? Let us begin.

Our story begins in the not so distant future. Perhaps it is next month, or perhaps it is next week, perhaps maybe even tomorrow. But the date and time isn't as important as the events that takes place during the time frame.

There was once a man who did horrible things, and was justly punished for his crimes against humanity, though if you spoke to him, he'd say his punishment wasn't very humane. Perhaps it wasn't, but an eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth right? He was in no position to bargain, for his life was on the line.

Yes, Lucius Malfoy was stuck between a rock and a hard place. His time in Azkaban was cut short by the Ministry of Magic who took it upon themselves to decide a proper punishment that would well suit his crimes. They felt Azkaban wasn't enough for him.

"Lucius Abraxas Malfoy, you stand here today accused of committing crimes against humanity. I'd like to take this time to say that you will not get off lightly, no matter how you plead. You're actions cannot and will not be justified in this court. Now how do you plead?"

Lucius stared at the seemingly massive witch in front of him, and if he didn't know any better, he would think he was shrinking to the size of a pixi. He truly was how the Greeks put it, boned. And how. He thought maybe he could throw around some cash, but he did not have any cash to throw around, for his wife had filed for divorce and took everything he had. For the fiftieth time that day, he caught him self thinking about Narcissa and for the one hundredth time he caught himself thinking the word bitch.

Before he answered, he surveyed the situation and tried to decide what to plead. If he plead not guilty, he was not admitting to anything, and that could buy him more time in Azkaban, for he was sure that Azkaban would be better than what they had in mind for him. But it was obvious he was guilty, so if he plead not guilty, the witch before him might decide to punish him anyway and it would be a lot worse than if he plead guilty. There was just no getting around it, he was boned. So very, very boned.

"Guilty." It was one word, but it was the hardest word he'd ever pronounced, which was absurd seeming he'd probably said it on multiple occasions, and read it on multiple occasions. But right now, it took all of his energy. You'd think he'd just read a whole book in Russian. The formidable witch smiled sourly at him, and he felt his stomach turn over. The witch took a dramatic pause before beginning the sentencing. The silence roared in Lucius' ear causing him to wince slightly.

"Very well, Mr. Malfoy. You are hereby sentenced to a year of living in the muggle world. Perhaps a day in their shoes will teach you a lesson. I have a niece that lives in America, and she'd be glad to take you in. You will travel by airplane or ship, you take your pick, and under no circumstances shall you use magic. Your wand will be returned to you once you can prove to me that you are more attuned to the needs of muggles. You are dismissed."

Lucius thought about offing himself right then and there, but knew that wasn't going to fly because he'd probably end up in purgatory, which sounded very boring to him. So, he decided to take his punishment like a man. He threw a hissy fit and demanded that he be taken back to Azkaban at once. But they wouldn't listen, and the next thing he knew he was being shoved on a plane to Texas.