I know I shouldn't be starting another multi-chapter story, since I have three, maybe four, others that need some updating...but ah well. I had yet to write a Yoruichi x Kisuke story, so here it is!

Oh, and the stuff in italics is flashbacks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

.What Hurts The Most.

Chapter One: The Rain

It was raining.

It was loud.

And it was simple, she hated it.

She couldn't stand thunderstorms, especially when it led to her electricity cutting off. So there she was, huddled in a dark corner with only a lit candle, her trusty baseball bat (for protection, of course, since she couldn't be using Shunkou in the living world if someone were to break in, or several of her powers), and a black T-shirt with jeans rolled up to her knees. She was absolutely freezing, but for some reason just would refuse to get up and retrieve some warmer clothes, or even a blanket. She was so used to him being there with her so she wouldn't need a blanket, and now that he wasn't there, it didn't feel right. She didn't know why, but she wasn't going to get up until this thing had passed. Completely. Truth be told, cats never did take a liking to water, so why should she? And this cat didn't like being alone, either. She was just going to wait it out, simple enough, she thought.

Not so simple after five and a half hours pass by and you're still freezing your ass off in a cold, dark corner, and your only light source/heat source burns out on you. It was safe to say she was becoming rather frustrated.

It wasn't so much that she was afraid of the unfortunate weather, she just much more preferred sunshine over rain. And lightning, of course. --And thunder, she hated the thunder.

It was more that she was afraid that he wasn't there. She remembered how whenever it would storm, they would cuddle up by the fireplace with hot chocolate and simply talk with one another. She hadn't been near the fireplace since he left, so she wasn't planning on lighting it up.

What she wanted the most was for someone to be there with her. Somebody, anybody. But, and she knew she was being selfish for it, the someone she had in mind was a very certain someone in which she knew could never be there with her for a thunderstorm this early in the season. She knew he couldn't be there, and it wasn't his fault, but sometimes, when she missed him so terribly, she would start to think it was his fault. She knew it wasn't right, that it was an awful thing to do, and she absolutely hated herself for it, but she had nothing else to do with herself.


"So you're telling me that you're being sent to the front line!?" She asked him desperately, fear and concern filled her voice violently.

"Yeah, but don't worry about it." He answered with a calm smile, as always. "I'll be fine, you just have to trust me. I'll come back to you."

"Kisuke, you could be killed!" A million thoughts were running through her head, and as she sorted through each one, she realized none were her cup of tea. She was horrified.

"Ahw, c'mon, Yoruichi. Do you really have that little faith in me? I am a genious, you know." He said smiling broadly.

"Haven't you heard all of the reports on this war?" She retorted, completely ignoring his arrogant statement, as tears were just beginning to fill her eyes. "Squad Seven was nearly wiped out just a few days ago!"

He placed his hand on her chin and turned her head to face him directly as he stared into her golden eyes.

"I don't want you worrying about me one bit while I'm gone, ya hear?" He said simply, wiping away a few of the tears trickling down her cheeks.

She wanted to tell him 'Okay, sure', she wanted to be able to fulfill his wish, since it could be his last with her. But she couldn't. How could she? How could she simply go on with every day life, not worrying even a little bit about him?

He sighed after waiting a few moments and receiving no reply, and she could sense the sincerity in his voice this time. "Please. I don't want you to think you have to bear a burden of worry and fear because of me. The sooner you forget about it, the sooner I'll be home."

That almost made her angry, what he had just said. It almost upset her that he could think that she would forget he's got his life on the line until he returns home, that she could forget he's not with her every night anymore.

"I'm sorry, Kisuke." She said, turning away from him and wiping at her eyes. "But I just can't handle this the way you do. I can't do such a thing as not worry about it, no matter how much you want me to."

And with that, she walked away from him, without even saying so much as goodbye.

"I'll come back, just wait for me." He called after her. He knew she was upset with him, but he just didn't want her to be miserable because of him.


She had not a clue if he was ever going to return, and that's what hurt the most. She knew she was being selfish, hating the Court Squads for taking Kisuke back into Soul Society for a meaningless war. It wasn't meaningless, but whether it was won or lost, if she didn't have him after it was over, then it was meaningless. She felt childish, but for good reason. She felt like a toddler, missing their favorite blanket, or stuffed animal, their security. She had lost her security, and she hated it because she didn't know if she ever was going to get it back.

He had specifically told her "I'll come back, just wait for me.", but it wasn't a secure enough goodbye for her to believe in him. For the first time in her life, she didn't believe in him, and it was when he needed it the most. She honestly believed she would never see him again, she really, truly did.

And she hated it.

Then again, she hated a lot of things lately. She hated that it was raining, she hated that she was being selfish, she hated that she missed him, she hated that she couldn't believe a word he said the day he left, she hated that God forsaken war, she hated being alone, and she hated herself. Oh, how she hated herself. There weren't enough words in the damned Webster's Dictionary to explain that.

Oh, and she hated that she was shipped back to Kisuke's shop like a second-class delivery from Soul Society because none of the Captains "wanted her involved". They were the ones who destroyed her chances of fighting side-by-side with him again. They were the ones who took him away. They were the ones who screwed her over.

And what's more, they sent Soi Fon to tell her about the situation. They had to send the one in which they knew Yoruichi wouldn't, couldn't become furious with. Soi Fon never knew Yoruichi wouldn't lay a hand or even one foul word on her. She was always ever-so careful around the Shihouin. Although it wasn't, she always considered her relationship with the Flash Goddess so delicate and fragile, as if it could be shattered into countless pieces of anger, hate, and despair with one wrong word. Yoruichi couldn't count the amount of times she had explained to the younger Shinigami that she needed to loosen up around her, be herself.


"Yoruichi-sama..." Soi Fon said timidly, appearing behind Yoruichi.

"Well, hello there Soi Fon!" She replied enthusiastically as she turned around with a smile and waved her hand. "I haven't seen you in ages, what brings you here?"

"Uhm...well...Yoruichi...sama...I have some news..." She stammered nervously as she twiddled her thumbs.

"Hmm? What is it?" She replied curiously. (Curiousity killed the cat o.o).

"You see...the Squad Captains...excluding myself, because I certainly didn't agree to this...they uh...--"

"Oh, it can't be that big of a deal, just tell me what it is, Bee." She interrupted, her smile still shining, more than ever.

"They want Kisuke Urahara to be included in one of the twelve Court Squads for this war. They aren't sure of his position yet, but they want him there..." She said before bowing her head.

It was almost as if someone had slapped the smile right off of her face. Just smacked it right off. Her first reaction was anger, lots of anger. But she knew she couldn't take that out on Soi Fon, who had done absolutely nothing wrong, especially because she knew for a fact that Soi would take it way to hard.

She felt the frustration. They kicked him out of Soul Society, and now they needed him back for a damned war? She never did think much of the Court Squad Captains that currently resided, excluding Soi Fon, of course. But now they had really pushed her nerves.

Then she felt the pain. The pain of seeing him dragged off to war, leaving her behind. The pain of not knowing whether he'll live or die. And the pain of being alone.

There was that word.


She felt a knot in her stomach and placed her hand on her abdomen as she fingered through her bangs with the other. "The...war?" She said softly.

Soi Fon nodded slowly and knelt down. "Yes, Yoruichi-sama...I apologize...I was strongly against it but one Captain alone against eleven others...--"

"No, no...It isn't your fault, Soi Fon. Don't apologize..." She mumbled quietly. "But...why...why do they want Kisuke?"

"Well it's apparent that he's a genious, and yes, that's what got him kicked out of Soul Society, but they need him for the war...he's smart enough to really help us win..." She answered regrettably.

"Ah...I see..." She said as she took a deep breath. "Well, thank you for notifying me, Soi Fon."

The young girl nodded and in a second, she was gone.

Those few sentences that had left her previous subordinate's mouth cracked and shattered her world into a million pieces. She had no idea how she was going to deal with it.

So she decided a good cry would be step one.


She missed hanging around with Soi Fon, too. She had no doubts whatsoever that Kisuke was the one she had fallen in love with, of course, and she had to give Soi Fon credit for not acting the least bit strange about the whole situation. Yoruichi knew too well how Soi Fon had felt about her for all those years, and she felt awful about it, but she had chosen Kisuke. And that's how it was going to be. She was just happy that Soi Fon hadn't gone into a crazed depression or even become angry with her.

Everything seemed where it had supposed to have been.

But they had to ruin that, and take him away.

Everyone knew that Yoruichi was the type of person who was all around, most of the time, happy. It took a lot to bring her down, and when that did happen, no one liked to see her miserable. It was too out of the ordinary. Lately, though, people had started to become used to her lifeless replies, her near depressed state, and her slowly decreasing health. Sure, she had always been one to be thin, but the woman could eat. She could eat a lot. And ever since she reduced eating to basically a few glasses of water a day and maybe one meal, she had started to become dangerously thin.

Orihime visited on occasions, bringing the food to Yoruichi that she could. And she would stay there until she ate, because she knew if she were to leave, the Shihouin would simply desert it.

Something had to change, or drastic happenings could occur in the future of Yoruichi Shihouin.


Please review and give me feedback on this. I don't know if I should continue it or not, so let me know. Sorry if it's a little confusing, if you guys want me to continue it, I'll clear all this stuff up in other chapters.