Note: When I saw the final episode I just had to write this. It may be crap but I don't care. I was sobbing when I heard Riza screaming for him- for those people who watched the English version, where she's just crying softly, then you have no idea… in the Japanese version, as the camera (okay, no camera, but you get the picture) zooms out on the scene, instead of that soft sobbing you hear her wailing and screaming… It was horrible… And then they go and leave this huge GAP between him lying close-to-death on the doorstep to him recovering in Riza's care and I'm like 'WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?! I don't give a shit what happens to the Elrics- WHAT ABOUT ROY AND RIZA?!?!' I might make this a two-shot, or even a three-shot if anyone's interested. As it is, I just put up all the raw emotion that came to surface when I think about that terrible sound… Hope you all enjoy the product of me wallowing in despair for the past two days. I'm gonna go wallow some more –Royai's biggest fan, Rissy chan!
That's what I was thinking as I saw him laying there, drenched in his own blood, not far from the remains –I could not honestly call it a corpse- of that inhuman Lieutenant Colonel Archer… silhouetted in the flames that raged behind them both. At that moment, it didn't matter whether or not there was a God to hear me; I could only think that there had to be someone out there who could save him- someone who could bring him back.
It was not at all like you might imagine it… My mind was not rushing with thoughts; neither his life nor mine flashed before my eyes and I was not imagining a lifetime of could-have-beens… In actual fact, it was pretty quiet- empty; hollow. I could feel my heart thumping against my sore ribs and hear my uneven breathing coming out in horrified gasps… but that was all, and eventually, that too slowed- everything slowed. I felt as though my world had not only stopped spinning but ceased to exist altogether. I felt as though I was the only one left alive- all alone in the world. Truthfully? I probably was. Brigadier General Mustang… Roy… was my most trusted friend and ally- I lived to protect him… and I had failed. My world as I knew it had come grinding to a standstill- a silence to end all that remained for me here on this earth and an end to every new beginning I had ever made, together with him. My heart was breaking and I knew that I was losing the only person that I had ever truly loved- the person who had taught me what love was… And I thought, 'God. If you do exist, help me now. Don't let him die in front of me. Please, God, don't let him die.'
With that thought I ran like the Devil itself was at my heels… Gods, Devils… I'd pray to a thousand unnamed heroes if I thought it'd bring him back…
I could hear myself choking and sobbing but it hardly felt real- it seemed as though it couldn't be me at all, just some distant figure I was only vaguely aware of. This wasn't right. He couldn't just die here. I couldn't lose him again.
'God. God, help me. This man is all I have to live for.'
"General! General! General!!" The familiar title slipped off my tongue, over and over again. I don't know how many times I called him- I was only half aware that I was doing it. I crouched by his side and shook him desperately. "Dammit, Roy Mustang, talk to me!"
I knew he wouldn't reply… knew it… but I kept calling, sobbing, shaking- I couldn't let him go; couldn't let him go without me- it just wasn't fair that he should have to die here in this chaos, all alone… I collapsed over him, clutching at his bloodied shirt. I started screaming then, I think. I screamed for Roy; I screamed for God; I screamed for anyone within a thousand miles of this place who could possibly hear me. 'Oh God, I thought. 'God, please bring him back.'
A soft, strained cough broke me from my fervent, perhaps ill-directed, prayers.I scrambled off of him. Another cough. "Oh, God, Roy! You're alive!" I cried and dived on his lips hungrily- needing some sort of physical verification that he was okay. "Oh, God… Oh, God, Roy…"
He just chuckled weakly against my hot mouth. "Lieu…tenant… Lieutenant, I'm so glad... you're alright."
I kissed him again and again, my tears falling on his face, my sobs resonating in his ears- he could hear them. He could hear me. He was alive. "Roy, how dare you scare me like that!" I cried and everything- the flames, the smoke, the stench of blood; everything- seemed to melt away. There was only him. Him, and that vague smiling light in the distance that had to be God- or maybe it was hope come back again… "I thought I'd lost you… you idiot! …But I'm so sorry," I pulled away, suddenly unable to look him in the eye, "I should have come sooner."
Roy shook his head and he forcibly tilted my face back toward him, "no," he said and I felt his lips moving against mine, though my eyes had squeezed shut in pain. "don't blame yourself. Everything worked out okay. The Fuhrer is dead."
I felt hot tears that were not my own run down my cheeks and I held him closer, not wanting to let go. When my mind cleared, I pulled back again and forced myself to stand on shaky legs.
"Where are you going?"
"I… I have to get you out of here, sir. The fire in the building is becoming unsafe for us and the smoke-"
"Will you take the Fuhrer's child too, Lieutenant?" asked Roy as I eased him onto his feet and pulled his arm around my neck.
My heart constricted painfully, "he- he is dead, sir."
"I know… but he doesn't deserve to burn."
I bowed my head, "yes, sir."
I took him to the car first. The doors were open and the engine was running- all set to go. I lay him down along the back seat and tried, then and there, to stop the bleeding as best I could before going back for the Selim child, whose body was placed in the front passenger seat.
"What did I do to deserve such a loyal subordinate?" he asked, voice soft as I closed the door and began to drive, somewhat haphazardly, away from the burning building and towards the hospital.
"Everything," I whispered back. "You did everything. If I had arrived sooner, it would have been enough."
Roy didn't reply for a while; I could tell that he didn't agree with me. "Riza…" he said eventually.
"You kissed me just a few minutes ago- do you regret it?"
"I don't want to talk about that, right now," I said, keeping my eyes locked straight ahead on the dark road before me, "…just focus on staying awake for me, okay?"
"Don't worry," he said, "I won't be leaving you behind anytime soon- you mean… far too much to me."
"I don't regret it," I said suddenly, after a short, tense silence. "I should, but I don't… I'm just glad you're okay. I'm sorry, sir!"
"I'm not. I'm not sorry. Thank you, Riza."
A small sob escaped me against my will, "we're almost there, sir."
"I love you."
"You've lost a lot of blood," I said, clenching the steering wheel a little tighter. "You shouldn't be expending so much energy."
He was silent for a while and I realised that not hearing him right now scared me even more than his fevered confession. "Roy, are you all right back there?"
"I'm… fine." This was accompanied by a small cough but I was reassured, all the same.
"We're here." I swung the car into a spot and parked, probably illegally, before jumping out and supporting Roy again, the both of us hobbling towards the entrance to the hospital. I knew that it would be better for me to go inside and leave him there while I found doctors… but I couldn't- I was that desperate to keep him near me.
"Miss! What happened?!"
I looked up at the man who had spoken. He was young looking, clad in white and holding a clipboard. I smiled shakily, "my name is Elizabeth Hawkeye- First Lieutenant and the Fuhrer's personal assistant. There's been an accident down at his home- he and his son are dead and his wife is missing. This is Brigadier General Roy Mustang, he is in need of urgent medical attention." I wonder if he could hear how scared I was. I tried so hard to be calm for him- for Roy- but I was just so scared.
Damn… I was just so scared…
The doctor called to others like him and had a stretcher brought over, I helped Roy to lie down, reluctant to let him go… then I left a small chaste kissed on his bloodied lips- not caring who saw. I knew we could lose our positions in the military over that one kiss but it didn't matter anymore. He was alive- he was going to be okay… I-I couldn't just let him go now that I'd tasted him. I needed him. The feeling I got by being around him was the only thing that kept me going some days- that feeling that made my chest tight and my breathing laboured… the reason I pulled the trigger.
I was gently pushed aside by a doctor as they began to wheel him towards an emergency ward. I stared after him, only half aware that one doctor had stayed behind to talk to me. He rounded a corner and my trance was broken.
"You can't die," I growled under my breath. "God damn it all… I love you, Roy Mustang."
Note: So what do you reckon? Follow up or leave it be?