Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½. Rumiko Takahashi is the one who did the manga, but it probably belongs to others as well.

AN: There's something not-really-but-sorta similar in the manga, but I had this idea since before I read that. I've just deleted this and rewritten it a lot. I can barely remember that chapter, anyways, only that it had to do with cookies and that in the end Ranma was clutching his stomach in pain.

This may not be very believable, but it's more believable than the first version.


There was a single sheet of chocolate chip cookies in the oven, and Akane had made them.

Kasumi had supervised the whole thing. Four hours, seventeen mistakes, and one explosion later and Kasumi had to agree that Akane had made some really nice cookies. They tasted right and everything.

"Alright," Kasumi said softly, shoving away the urge to test the batter once again. She almost couldn't believe it was edible. "Now, set the timer for nine minutes."

"Only nine?" Akane frowned. "I thought it would be longer."

"No," Kasumi smiled. "Any longer and they'll turn out burnt."

Akane frowned and slowly adjusted the timer to nine minutes. She moved out of the way for Kasumi, who checked the time for assurance and nodded to herself. "That's good." Kasumi turned to smile at her youngest sister. "You can go train. I'll clean up."

Akane shook her head. "No." She glanced at the mess of congealed flour and eggs and burnt pieces of tile. "I should help, too, since I was the one who made the mess in the first place."

"Akane. . . ." Kasumi set a gentle hand on Akane's shoulder. "Really. I know you enjoy it, and you haven't done any fighting all day. I don't mind cleaning."

Akane flushed. "Well, alright." She turned to leave, but stopped at the door. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." Kasumi made some shooing motions, and Akane left to go to the dojo. Kasumi started cleaning up, but a few minutes later there was a knock on the door. She had to leave the kitchen half-messy with the sink full of dirty dishes.

A panda came in. The timer dinged. The panda ate.


Akane hurried through the halls of her house to the kitchen with her white gi on and a towel around her shoulders. She'd been looking up at the clock every few minutes, and the cookies were sure to be done by now! Not much more than nine minutes had passed. . . .

She turned sharply into the kitchen, filled with glee, and stopped in horror.

A panda stood before the table, licking clean a bowl that had previously been filled with cookie dough. An empty cookie sheet lay near the stove.

The panda looked up at her and blinked. He flipped up a sign that read: Hello, Akane. Is something wrong?

Akane hit him so hard with the nearest big pan that Saotome went flying well into China and the pan bent backwards around her hand to squeeze with unpleasant force.

Akane sniffled and wiped at her eyes with her free hand. Her one good batch of cookies that even Kasumi had agreed were good. Unless she was in the bathroom right now, throwing up everything in her stomach. . . .

Kasumi entered the kitchen and paused to take everything in. How the room was much as she left it, but Akane was standing in the middle of the room, crying, with a pan wrapped around her hand and a hole in the roof and an empty oven and an empty bowl. . . .

Kasumi's eyes softened and she stepped closer. "Oh, Akane. . . ."

Akane looked up at her, blinked, and ran away.


Akane sighed and watched silently as Dr. Tofu finished wrapping up her hand. 'There. That should do it. But you shouldn't do anything too strenuous with that hand for a few days, okay?"

"Okay," Akane agreed in a low voice, frowning at the white bandages. It made her skin look darker than it was.

"If I may ask, how did that happen?" Dr. Tofu indicated the pan by her side with a bent handle.

Akane flushed. Even if he did know of her uselessness in cooking, there was always a chance that he didn't. "Um, it was nothing. Just an accident."

"I see," Dr. Tofu murmured.

Akane hopped off the bed. "Well, thanks!" She scurried to the door and looked back at the man she'd once had a crush on. "I'll see you later!"

She saw him wave as she closed the door.

She walked down the street, thinking it wasn't so bad. Yeah, okay, so maybe it was the only food she'd ever bake that people could eat without help from magical water. Yeah, so maybe a man she honestly didn't like had eaten the only food she'd ever bake that people could eat without help from magical water. But it was just food, right?

Right.

Akane's shoulders slumped.

It was never "Just Food" with her. It was always poison.

"Hey, Akane!" The girl looked up to watch her fiancé jump down from a rooftop to land on the fence beside her. "Are you alright?"

Akane blinked. "Why wouldn't I be alright?"

Ranma blinked. "Well, I mean, Kasumi told us what happened, and that's gotta be terrible. The only food you ever made that actually tastes good, and doesn't give someone heartburn, or indigestion, or constipation, or—"

Akane punched the fence with her good hand. Ranma wobbled and fell into the water of the canal.

It was expected, really. At this point, it probably wouldn't ever change.

Akane walked away from Ranma, who'd resurfaced sputtering and yelling. That soon faded away, although not from distance.

Ranma had a thoughtful look on her face.


Ranma poured warm water over herself, now himself. He toweled his hair dry and heaved a great sigh. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. Death he could face, but Akane's cooking was akin to torture. But he sucked it up like the man he (currently) was and walked into Akane's room.

"Akane."

Said girl looked up. "Oh. Hello, Ranma." She said this all with an icy smile and an even icier voice. She turned back to her homework and proceeded to ignore him.

Ranma felt doomed, but wouldn't give up just yet. "Akane, I. . . ." He hesitated. "Come into the kitchen."

Akane looked up at him again. "Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Just come on," he sighed.

Akane got up, making it clear with body language that the only reason she was doing this was because she had nothing better to do. They walked into the kitchen together. Akane froze in the doorway and her eyes went wide.

All the ingredients for making chocolate chip cookies were spread out on the table. The bowl, cookie sheet, and cooking utensils were clean. The chocolate chips were newly bought.

Akane stared at all of this then slowly brought her eyes to rest on the man who'd made it happen. Ranma blushed and scratched the back of his neck under her gaze. "Well, Kasumi laid it all out, so everything should be on the table. . . ."

Akane smiled at him.

That night, Akane baked like she'd never baked before. She finished the cookie dough, put in the chocolate chips, made them even throughout, and put little balls of chocolate chip cookie dough on the cookie sheet three-by-four.

Nine minutes later she set down the finished cookies in front of him, and after two minutes more she handed them over to be eaten. Ranma made pleased sounds the whole time he was chewing..

After Akane had put the rest of the chocolate chip cookie dough into the fridge, while she was washing the dishes in the sink, Ranma walked leisurely to the bathroom, where he proceeded to throw up into the toilet.

It was worth it.