A Harry Potter Parody
By: iluvbooksandanime with help from her good friend BandGeek24.
Warning! This is utter crack. It makes no sense and the little plot twist is just something that I think would make Voldemort go away once and for all. After having destroyed all the horcruxes of course, as Voldie himself brings up here. This story was for fun, and was merely a silly brainstorming thing that happens when me and my bud Alex get bored on the school bus in the morning. Crack. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. This crack fic is a good reason for why not.
"You'll never defeat me! I'm too powerful!!" Voldemort cried as he held his arms up in triumph. Harry was standing nearby looking bored.
"Are you done gloating yet? We need to get to the plot twist and I'm getting tired of waiting…"
"Yes I'm done, but no plot twist will EVER be able to defeat me!!"
"Sure…Keep thinking that…Everybody to their places!!!" Harry shouted, and suddenly, Voldemort and all his Death Eaters were surrounded by the Order of the Phoenix, each of them wielding a gun of some sort. Mad-Eye Moody was on top of a building with a sniper rifle, Remus was now next to Harry with a simple revolver, Harry had a machine gun and an evil; look to his eyes, Hagrid has a bazooka, and Mr. Weasley had a little BB gun so he wouldn't hurt himself.
Voldemort's face paled more than it already was, "Muggle technology? When did you start using that?!"
"When our fans suggested it, as it would kill you faster than the killing curse and a lot more painful…"
"Are you going to shoot me or what?!"
"Yes we are, and we've been practicing our aim for weeks now, right Mr.' Weasley?"
"Yes Harry, but I really wish you'd let me use a real gun. I think I've got it now!! You pull the trig-OW! Heh heh…I'm all right…I hit a different part of my foot this time…"
Harry sighed, "Anyways, FIRE!!" And so, Voldemort and his precious pure-blooded Death Eaters were defeated by muggle technology.
(Days later at an undisclosed location…)
"Voldemort?! I thought we'd killed you!!" Harry exclaimed when he saw his old nemesis standing before him.
"Uh, Harry…the horcruxes…"
"Magic! You used magic didn't you?!"
Voldemort blinked at Harry. What had happened to the clever boy who had killed him before? "Brilliant deduction Sherlock, yes I used magic…"
"Are you a magician?!"
Voldemort simply hung his head and sincerely hoped he was just having a really bad dream. "Listen Harry, I'm not a magician, but…"
"Can you show me a magic trick Mr. Magician?!" Harry's eyes lit up in glee, "OH! Can you saw me in half?!"
"Gladly…" Voldemort grumbled under his breath as he conjured up the right equipment and began to literally say Harry in half. Harry was cool with it until the pain started to get to him.
"OW! This isn't suppose to really hurt! Stop!!" Harry used brute force to escape from the box and ran outside. Voldemort sighed and shrugged as he went to go get minions to help him take over the world.
Harry had kept on running until he came across a herd of fluffy pink elephants and a sole giant walrus. He spent a few years learning their ways, and was eventually accepted into their herd as one of them. One day after he had gone to the grocery store to by some peanuts, he was brutally attacked by them.
"Why my friends?! Why?!?!" he cried as the elephants tackled him and pinned him to the ground, giving the walrus time to advance.
"It was fine for the first few months, but we never want to hear you sing that damned "Lip Gloss" song EVER AGAIN!!!" retorted the walrus as it stood over Harry.
"But I like that song…" Harry sniffled and pouted, but he didn't have long before the walrus stuck one of his tusks into Harry's ears. You might think this would be incredibly painful for Harry, and for the most part you would be correct, as right after that, his eardrum ruptured, and in a freak chain reaction, his brain exploded. Then for some reason that might have had to do with being a wizard, or just the fact that the walrus had doused him in gasoline regularly for the past few months, but when one of the elephants lit a match and dropped it on him, Harry Potter burst into flames, heroically taking the fiends who killed him with him in his explosion.
A/N: So, was it a load of crap? Or was it insanely funny? Review and let me know!!