SJ: Inspired by sharingank's DeiTobi, I just wrote this up on my laptop. XD Dunno how it got to be ZetsuTobi, but I'm not complaining! (And there's DeiTobi, too, so no worries!)

And no, not all of Atatsuki is in here. I was going to add Leader and everybody else in, but...it just wound up like this. -Clonks self over the head-

Enjoy!

o-o-o-o-o-o

Title: 'Garden Work'
Couple: Zetsu x Tobi with hints of Deidara x Tobi
Summary: While helping Zetsu with his garden, Tobi gets him and everybody else a present!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or Hell's Kitchen. If I did, well...-Trails off, whistling innocently-

o-o-o-o-o-o

Today, Zetsu's letting Tobi help him with his garden.

Hidan had scoffed once he had heard it—"What, now you got the pansy to help you with your wittle garden, Zetsu? How disgustingly sweet"—and Kisame had shot him a rather hopeful look—"Are you going to let one of your plants eat him?"—but Zetsu hadn't paid them much mind. (It wasn't worth replying to such jibes, now was it?)

But…then again

"Stop talking about yourself, Hidan; not everybody needs to know you're insane. And I'm sure my plants would love to finish you off once I spit out your remains, Kisame, so don't worry about Tobi."

The black half of Zetsu's face smirks in satisfaction as Hidan splutters, turning a lovely shade of red, and Kisame stares at him, dumbstruck while turning a pale blue. The white side sighs—an 'I'm-too-mature-for-this-sort-of-thing' sigh—but the smirk crawls onto its side as well anyway, as the two Atatsuki members quiet down, grumbling as they pass them.

Okay, so maybe it is worth it.

Carrying the shovels and water cans in his hands, Tobi skips happily beside him as they make their way towards the garden, utterly oblivious to the conversation his companion had previously with the others.

"I'm happy you're letting me help you, Zetsu-san!" he chirps, and Zetsu doesn't have to be smart in order to know that he's grinning like a madman under that mask of his. He watches the boy balance the shovels and water cans in one arm and smiles a little when Tobi gives him a salute—with the wrong hand—adding, "I'll do my very best to make your garden the most beautiful garden anybody's ever seen!"

"Thank-you, Tobi," his white-faced side replies, touched by the boy's endless enthusiasm, while the black side rolls its eye in exaggerated disgust. "I'm sure you'll give it your all."

Tobi nods so hard in reply that Zetsu won't be surprised if his neck cracks. It does, but Tobi doesn't seem to mind…or rather he doesn't even notice as he spots the garden, letting out a loud 'yippee' before rushing towards it in a pace only he can achieve in his excitement.

Zetsu sweatdrops as the orange-masked boy leaps away from one of his many man-eating plants, squealing, "Zetsu-san, I think it likes me!" as he does so, practically doing a little jig to avoid the plant's hungry, annoyed jaws.

"Erm…yes, Tobi, I suppose it does," he replies once he's caught up to him, setting down a little pot and numerous packets of seeds on the ground. Seeing his plant gobble up Tobi's sleeve in a narrow encounter with the boy's arm, the plant-like man waves the boy over in an attempt to get him away from the plant (and lose something other than his sleeve). "Ah…come here Tobi and help me sort these seeds out, will you?"

"Yes, Zetsu-san!" Tobi rushes over to him, dropping to his knees at the sight of the seeds. He claps his hands together and, in an awed voice, cries, "Wow! There's so many of them! I'm going to help you plant all of these seeds, right Zetsu-san? I can't wait!"

"We have to sort them first, Tobi," Zetsu explains, calmly. "We don't want to put a poisonous plant with harmless ones, do we?"

"Oh…certainly not!" The orange-masked boy gasps. "Somebody could get hurt, like Deidara-sempai did when he fell into that poison ivy!"

"That was funny," the black-side of Zetsu's face chuckles, smirking at the memory. Tobi, however, shakes his head furiously in disagreement.

"Deidara-sempai didn't find it funny!" he told the plant man. Then, pausing a little, he added off-handedly, "Especially when I had to spread that special cream Leader gave me all over his—"

"Tobi," the white-side cuts him off, coughing a little. "Erm…the seeds, please?"

The orange-masked boy jumps. "Oh! Right! Sorry, Zetsu-san, I'll get to it right away!" And get to it he did, grabbing different packets and examining them closely before sorting them in different piles, crying determinedly, "I won't let any seeds get mixed up! For Deidara-sempai's sake!"

o-o-o-o

Back at Atatsuki quarters, Deidara sneezed.

"Oh…ewww, un!" he grumbles, wrinkling his nose at the sight of his own germs dirtying his newest creation. "Damn…gonna have to clean that up…" he sniffs and glares at nothing in particular, scratching his nose.

"I swear, I'll strangle Tobi if he brought in another cat, un!"

o-o-o-o

"Zetsu-saaaaaaaaan!"

Looking up from watering the last plant in his collection, Zetsu blinks at the sight of Tobi rushing towards him, pink bundles in his arms. Ignoring his black-side's muttering, —"I hope his arm was bitten off…"—he turns to him. "What's wrong, Tobi?" he asks, frowning worriedly at the panting boy. "Did something happen with one of the plants?"

Tobi shakes his head. "N…No…I…I found…" he swallows, holding up one finger in a silent plea to let him get his breath, bending over his knees with the pink bundle in his arms.

Warily, the plant man watches him, about to ask if he's okay when the orange boy leaps up, holding the pink…things to his face.

"I found all these pretty flowers on the ground near that pink tree you have, Zetsu-san, so I picked a whole bunch and made these crowns!" he cries, the words gushing out of his mouth quicker than he can blink. "Here! I made this for you!"

"Pink…tree?" Zetsu asks hesitantly, having not heard him properly as he had spoken quite quickly. He flushes, however, when Tobi reaches up and puts a flower crown on his head, making sure not to mess up his hair. Once he's done, the plant man looks up, a hand reaching up to touch it slowly. "Tobi, what is—?"

"You like it?" Tobi asks him hopefully, holding the delicate flower crowns in his arms.

A pause. Zetsu looks down at the crowns and, with both sides of his face smiling a little, takes one, placing it atop his head gently. The orange-masked boy squeals, looking ready to hug him in thanks, but the plant man stops him, pointing to the flowers.

"You'll…crush them if you do that," the black side informs him, albeit hesitantly, blushing a little darker when Tobi thanks him enthusiastically—like always—for telling him. Coughing, he turns away, gathering up both their shovels and watering cans, his white side murmuring softly, "Come, Tobi. Let's head back since it's getting dark."

"All right!" Tobi replies, leaping forward to be side-by-side with Zetsu, crowns safe in his arms. He looks down at them and, in an excited and fond tone, says, "I can give all these pretty crowns to the others! They'll be so happy!"

I don't know about them being happy, but…

"If it's from you, Tobi, I'm sure they'll be grateful," Zetsu finds himself saying, smiling a little wider at the sight of the boy whooping happily, ignoring the small question echoing in his mind of, when did I become such a…reassuring person?

But the question vanishes as he watches Tobi, who winds up skipping all the way back home, happier than could be…

…even when he trips and almost crushes his precious flower crowns.

"Tobi!"

"Ah, heh…I'm okay! I'm okay!"

o-o-o-o

Needless to say, Zetsu had been right.

Once they had gotten back, Tobi had immediately floundered over to his fellow Atatsuki members, putting the pink flower crowns on their heads. At first, everybody was stock-still in shock—shock that Tobi mistook as, 'Oh-my-gawd-I-can't-believe-you-got-me-such-a-wonderful-gift' shock—and it wasn't until Kisame sneezed on a petal did Hidan speak.

"What," he had asked in a strangled voice, "is this…this…good-for-nothing shit?"

Tobi had gasped. "Hidan-san! That's a very naughty word! And that's," he had pointed to his work of art proudly, "a flower crown! I made it for you!"

Shooting the orange-masked boy an awkward look, Kisame had mumbled lamely, "I think I'm allergic to this pink stuff." The shark man looked to his partner for back-up to see that Itachi merely sat there on the couch, the crown on his head, the same, indifferent expression on his face and he had barely resisted the temptation to poke him, just to make sure he was still alive and not in some sort of coma. But he still pointed to him anyway, adding, "And, erm…Itachi is, too!"

Kakuzu had studied the crown, his eyebrows furrowed. "…Can you sell it for a lot of money?" he had asked, half-curious, half-doubtful.

And Deidara…well…

He hadn't been doing that well with Tobi talking to him. Nonstop.

"Do you like your crown, Deidara-sempai? Do you? Do you? I worked extra hard on it, and even added in a yellow flower I found! Doesn't it look nice? Huh, Deidara-sempai? Huh? Huh? I—"

"Tobi…shut-up, un."

"—really hope you like it, 'cause you're always working so hard on your art, so I just wanted to give you something in return for all your hard work and—"

"Shut-up…un."

"—even though it doesn't go boom I thought you might like it 'cause it's pink and would match that adorable little pink doggy you sleep with at night I gave you when you were—EEEEEP!"

Zetsu had watched Deidara turn a dark, roaring red and tackle the orange-masked boy, both of them tumbling down in a screaming heap. After a few strangled gasps and growls, Deidara had stood up, still blushing wildly, and stomped off towards his room, the crown clutched in his hand, grumbling, "I'm gonna go blow something up, un."

But the plant man had noticed with some amusement how, once he was sure he was safely out of sight, the artist put the flower crown back on his head gingerly, his face going from red to pink in a matter of milliseconds.

Shaking his head and ignoring the other Atatsuki members' complaints and whines, Zetsu had walked over to Tobi, holding out a hand to help him up. Tobi had accepted it gratefully, and the plant man smiled slightly at him.

"Thank-you, Tobi, for your help today," he had said. Then, after a small pause, he had motioned to the crown, "and, um…thanks for the crown…"

Beaming at him, Tobi had nodded. "You're welcome, Zetsu-san! I had lots of fun helping you with your garden! Was Tobi a good boy?" he had asked eagerly, jumping up and down, the crown slipping off his black hair slightly.

"Oh brother," the black side of Zetsu's face had muttered, but the white side had ignored it, reaching up to fix Tobi's crown. He heard the orange-masked boy squeak a little in reply, and his smile widened, just an inch.

"Yes, Tobi, you were a good boy," he had said. "Want to help me tomorrow, too?"

Gasping, Tobi had held his hands up in anticipation. "Will you show me how to pet Mr. Grumpy Plant without him biting me?" At his nod, the orange-masked boy had squealed and threw his arms around him, thanking him repeatedly. "Thank-you, Zetsu-san! Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you—"

"That's enough," Zetsu had muttered, noticing the others' bewildered gazes behind him. Willing himself not to blush—again—he turned to Tobi and asked, "Let us go watch that show you like…Hell's Kitchen, was it?"

"Yes!" Jumping up and down, Tobi had begun to race towards the living room, crying, "I love that show ever since Hidan-san had shown me it!"

That did it.

Almost instantly had all eyes fallen on Hidan, who had been sipping his coffee, the flower crown on his head. At realizing he was been stared at, he had blinked. "What?"

"…You showed somebody like Tobi, Hell's Kitchen?" Kakuzu had asked, raising an eyebrow. "Wasn't that the show where that guy swears at everybody for no reason whatsoever?"

"Yeah," Hidan had replied slowly, "so?"

"You're teaching Tobi bad things, you idiot," Zetsu's black side had hissed, eyes narrowing in displeasure at hearing such a thing. The priest had glared right back at him, mouth opening to retort hotly, when Kisame interrupted.

"The cooks on that show suck," he had muttered. "What's the point of watching it, anyway?"

Hidan's anger had faded immediately at that statement and he turned his gaze on the shark man. "Don't you freakin' know?" he asked, staring at him like he was stupid.

Exchanging a look with his unresponsive partner, Kisame had blinked. "Erm…no. What?"

"Heavens above…Chef Ramsay rocks," Hidan had grinned and folded his arms, nodding his head firmly. "I believe I have met my match in my swearing battles, my idiotic bunch of dumbasses."

Silence had filled the kitchen. Kakuzu's eye had twitched, Kisame's hand flexed, Itachi made a sound close to breathing, and Zetsu looked murderous.

Hidan had wound up having to take three baths to wash off all the fertilizer from his hair and skin while swearing a string full of colorful words that would've made Chef Ramsay himself blush.

And Tobi, in the midst of everything, was happily oblivious, the flower crown perched on his head.

fin