Hiei and Yogurt Cups
Summary: Sometimes, Kurama thought that Hiei was rather like an unopened yogurt cup. And he both hated and loved yogurt cups. K/H
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, or even yogurt. I mean, I own it when I buy it from the store, but I don't own it overall…
There was something to be said about the paradoxical nature of yogurt cups.
They were such innocent looking things. All nice and cylindrical with a slight slope from the top to the bottom, and a cute little foil cap that you could peel off partway so you could put it back for second storage, or rip off and lick like a child. Overall, an aesthetically pleasing design and nature.
Which was probably part of the paradox, because those damn things could turn right around and sock you in the jaw.
Kurama knows this from experience. He knows because he likes to eat yogurt for breakfast a couple of days a week so he doesn't have to wash dishes (contrary to popular opinion (oh look, another paradox), Kurama does not like washing dishes. But it makes fangirls think he's sweet and they'll buy him things. That's his little secret, okay?). Plus, yogurt is good for you and has the added bonus of tasting lovely. Depending on the flavor, because let's be honest here; some flavors (like mixed berry and chocolate custard) suck.
Kurama's personal favorite flavors are lemon and harvest peach. Lemon is nice and tangy while harvest peach is smooth with little chunks of peach in it. And they aren't mushy! Oh, happy days.
But back to the part about Kurama's personal experience with the bastardiness of yogurt cups.
Yogurt cups, if not handled carefully and respectfully, have a tendency to explode on one's face and hair (his hairDo you know how proud he is of that hair?!?). This is a proven fact, because on several occasions, Kurama will forget to open the yogurt cup by pulling the foil towards him instead of away, and splat! Yogurt across the face and in the bangs. The worst is when it catches him in the eyes (you would think that since lemon yogurt is stored in the fridge, it would be cool upon your eyeball, but no; it burns, damnit!).
Why would the yogurt cup do that to him? Granted, he was going to eat it, but it's inanimate! And because Kurama is Kurama he will be angry about the yogurt cup trying to ruin his morning, but he won't show it. Instead, he will chuckle softly if someone is in the room (and mutter less-than-polite phrases if they're not), wipe his face and hair (while crying inside), and proceed to eat the yogurt before leaving for school. And because Kurama is Kurama, he will inevitably start thinking about a certain little vertically-challenged youkai in the process.
Hiei, in Kurama's expert opinion, is akin to a yogurt cup. He's nice to look at (there is only so much of Youko's inner dialogue that Kurama can tune out), his cloak widens a bit at the bottom like a yogurt cup, and he's cold (at least in personality). He's also perfectly capable of acting indifferent to you and then socking you in the jaw when you are least prepared, and of mussing up your hair (bastard).
Hiei is a paradox, too, just like Kurama's beloved/despised yogurt cups. He's so rough around the edges, but if you don't treat him with respect, it's ta ta forever. But in return, he'll be a valuable ally (Kurama won't say that he'll taste good like yogurt because that sounds slightly more perverted than he intends, and because Hiei will find out and kill him).
Yes, overall, Kurama thinks that Hiei and yogurt cups have a lot in common.
It wasn't going to be a wonderful morning, Kurama thought.
Not only had his beloved/despised lemon yogurt exploded on his face and burned his eyes, but Hiei had chosen that exact moment to appear in his kitchen and mock him.
"You know, for a fox, you aren't all that graceful," he stated in a monotone. But Kurama could just hear the scorn in his voice and the smirk on his face (it doesn't matter that casual observer wouldn't have seen either of those anywhere, he could!)
Kurama looked at Hiei and offered him a serene, lemon yogurt-covered smile before reaching for a napkin and gently cleaning himself off.
"It doesn't look as if it's going to be my morning," he replied sagely before taking a spoonful of the beloved/despised yogurt and eating it. Hiei snorted and rolled his eyes.
"You just say that because your pride has taken a blow. You missed some of that stuff, you know," the mixed-breed states as he gestures to Kurama's fiery hair.
Kurama gave an imperceptible twitch. His pride didn't take a blow from the yogurt, but Hiei more than made up for it. Lacking grace?! Making excuses?! How dare he insinuate that Kurama was bested by a yogurt cup?!?
It was war now. War!!
Oh, how long had Kurama put up with antics of the yogurt cups? Too long! Exploding on him in all their delicious bastardiness and ruining his hair (his inner voice may or may not have gone up several octaves at that last part)!! After he so kindly gave them a place to sleep on his window sill when it was raining (his inner voice may or may not have been referring to a certain demon at that last part), or faithfully bought the same brand at the store every time! Ungrateful brats!
So today, Kurama was going to get even the damned yogurt cups.
But how? It must be something clever and unforeseen on the enemy's part. And he knew exactly what would do the trick.
Kurama swooped down suddenly, grabbed Hiei's shoulders, and planted a very rough kiss on his lips.
He withdrew, grinning like a maniac and clutching his yogurt cup so hard it was beginning to implode.
"That will show you, you ungrateful yogurt cup!" he laughed evilly. Hiei was still recovering from the shock (which translates to him standing there, glaring), so he took a few seconds before speaking.
"Fox, I'm not a yogurt cup," Hiei stated slowly.
It slowly dawned on him what exactly he had done. So he was tactical about his next move.
Two seconds later, Hiei was staring at the rapidly retreating back of one redheaded fox-demon as he cackled maniacally about revenge upon the aesthetically pleasing yogurt cups while clutching the one Kurama had shoved on him in his hands.
Whoo, my first Hiei and Kurama fic! I'm actually quite proud of this one! I managed to make allusions to Hiei being a yogurt cup. This was all thanks to the delicious Yoplait yogurt my mom bought last night. She bought me harvest peach. But it was only one…and no lemon! Well, I'll eat harvest peach now and sulk later.