Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all the characters in Harry Potter belong to Jk Rowling... who is British. I am not British, nor am I Jk Rowling, so I guess this is just me playing with her characters...
He should have known it was going to be a terrible night.
When the mark had burned, he had risen quickly, told Albus were he was going, and dressed in appropriate Death Eater attire. Disapperating quickly to the place were he was supposed to be, he arrived instantly by his, and he sneered at the thought, Lords side.
He should have, but he didn't expect what awaited him. The whole inner circle was gathered, and standing were he was, he had a perfect view of what the evil wizards surrounded.
The little girl couldn't have been older than seven, with blond hair pulled into pigtails. Big dark blue eyes widened as she watched the wizards surround her, and fat tears trailed down her pale cheeks.
There had been nothing Severus could do, and he hated himself for it. He wanted to jump to her, save her, put himself in the path of the Death Eaters spells... but he couldn't. Both he and the nameless little girl would be dead, and there'd be no spy for the light side. I hurt to be so weak that he couldn't protect a child.
Now that he was back at Hogwarts, back to his home, he couldn't even meld his face into his usual sneer.
There was just no way he was up to playing his cold unfeeling bastard part at the moment.
For now, he was tired of playing the villain. He just wanted to go to the kitchens, get himself something to drink, preferably something like Firewhisky, and drown himself in it until he couldn't see those big blue eyes anymore.
Poking the pear hard on its side, it let him through the passageway after a moment of moaning. Gliding into the room, but lacking his usual dramatic robe billowing, he through himself into his usual chair, not bothering to look around. Snapping at one of the seemingly billions of house elves to get him a drink, he lowered his head into his arms, disgusted at himself for being so weak.
This had happened before, much to often, and he was more than positive that it would happen again. He was starting to crack, watching all those deaths and getting tortured was what he had to do. He was a spy, he had to get information... but Merlin! He was going crazy, and he doubted very much that he was going to be able to go on for much longer. It was getting to the point that he was ready to just through in his towel as a Death Eater and let Voldemort take him. Not a very Slytherin attitude perhaps, but it was late and he was tired.
Taking a drink out of the goblet one of the house elves sat next to him, he nearly spit it out in shock when he noticed the blonde girl next to him.
" Well hello. " She said, voice dreamy, and she picked a piece of white lint off her black Ravenclaw robe.
It was much to late for this.
Summoning all the snarky bastard-ness he possessed, Sn ape spat out, " What are you doing here? Students are not allowed into The Kitchens! It is past curfew as well! How dare you be out of bounds! I should put you into detention for the rest of your miserable life! "
Luna Lovegood, for at the moment he recalled her name, just sat there staring at him with those big silver eyes of hers, a small smile on her lips, and she just gave him a look that seemed sad and understanding all at once. Slowly, Snapes voice tampered off until he was no longer yelling, and though he kept a scowl firm on his face, he stopped his raging long enough to let her speak.
" Your looking rather badly you know... " She said airily, eying him in a way that made Snape feel like she could see right through him.
Beyond annoyed that the girl didn't seem frightened of his threats, and even more angered that she had the gall to mock him, Snape was just about to begin his tirade when Luna spoke up.
" You look tired, like you haven't slept. Maybe a Murgwat got you? But no, that's not it. You look tired like you just cant sleep... but that could just be a Bumbldock. "
Snape just looked at her, maybe he wasn't the only mad one around here.
" But there's more than just you not sleeping, isn't there? Hmm... lets see. " At that, Luna reached over and took both his hands in hers.
Astounded at the obvious lack of self preservation this crazy little girl had just shown, Snape moved to take his hands from hers. He found however, that she had a rather stronger grip than he would have thought.
" Now stop squirming, I just want to see whats wrong with you. " Said Luna crossly.
For some strange reason he couldn't even begin to fathom, Snape stopped moving.
" Hm... " Spoke Luna, running her tiny hands across his large palms. " No, no magical creature could have caused you not sleeping right, that was all your fault. " She looked at him with a mix of irritation and concern. Snape was surprised. With her floaty tone, he had never imagined her being anything other that calm.
" My fault? How is not being able to sleep my fault? " A second later he could have slapped himself. He should NOT be encouraging this behavior.
" Your blaming yourself for everything you cannot do. You are letting your failiers overshadow your triumpths. You are letting yourself shatter, and casting a repairo charm isn't going to help in the end. "
Snape was gobsmacked, staring at the wispy little girl as if she had just grown an extra head. What on earth does this little Ravenclaw know?
" Not everything is your fault, Professor. Sometimes the greatest strength we posses is knowing that you can only do so much, and then you just have to accept that. "
Luna's large unblinking eyes were boring into his, and something about them made Snape utter the words before he was even able to form a thought in his mind.
" I cant help them. " Even though it wasn't much, he felt a thrill of horror as he realized he had just told one of his students any bit of his problem. Damn Damn Damn.
" But you do! " Said Luna, smiling at him.
Snape stared, and wondered if this child knew anything about what he was talking about.
" You help them by just being there. Where the rest of them just watch and laugh, you mourn for them. You cant save them, no, but it must make the passing easier, having someone there who cares to watch over it. "
Snape's eyes were wide and he knew his mouth was close to dropping open. The girl knew. She knew everything. It left him feeling exposed, and he fought down a shiver as he looked into those great silver eyes of this innocent little girl who knew so much of what the world could do.
Luna just smiled a little smile of understanding, and patted his hands.
Finally, Snape found his voice. " They don't know I feel that way though. To them, I'm just another tormentor to them... aren't I ? "
For a moment he felt like an idiot, asking a student a question, but then he decided that for the moment, it just didn't matter. This girl wasn't all that she seemed anyway.
" For a little bit, maybe. " Replied Luna, looking thoughtful. " But I doubt it takes long for them to figure it out after its over. As they get closer to the veil, I'm guessing all the little questions in there lives become clear. "
Snape watched her for a moment, trying to make sense of what Luna was saying. Closer to the veil? What did that mean?
Luna smiled once again, eyes glittering. Slowly, she moved close so that she was whispering into Snapes' ear, " She says she forgives you, you know. She says thank you for wishing you could protect her. "
Straightening up, Luna looked deep into Snapes shocked eyes. Taking a step back, Luna stuck a piece of blonde hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear. " Sleep well Professor, don't let the Bumbldocks bite! " Grinning, she turned around, and walked out the portrait. She didn't look back.
Snape let out a breathe he didn't know he was holding, the hair standing up on the back of his arms and neck. For a second there, the silver in Luna Lovegoods eyes had turned dark blue...
Making his way back to his corridors, thinking about what the Lovegood girl had said as she left.
And, for the first time during the war...he did.
A/N There you go, another Luna Fic, man how I love those!
I hope you liked the story, leave me a review please? They make me so happy!
Thanks for reading...