One Last Goodbye

Funsmoke

Disclaimer: I do not own any Marvel characters, and am not making profit from this, it is a work of fanfiction. I don't own the titular song, either, it is by Anathema.

The letter's brief. That much, at least, is a mercy, just a few words in your damnable all-caps handwriting.

'DEAR JONO,

'I KNOW THE FIRST THING YOU'RE GOING TO ASK YOURSELF IS "HOW COULD I HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN?" STOP RIGHT THERE, AND DON'T YOU EVEN TRY.'

How I needed you

How I grieve, now you're gone.

In my dreams, I see you.

I awake, so alone.

I glance at the bed, and I know that if I put my face to her pillow, it would be covered with her scent, a bright tease, cool and fresh, like a forest summer shower.

'YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU. GOD, I'VE WISH SO MANY TIMES THAT I DIDN'T. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE CROSSED THAT LINE; IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE.'

That's a lie, and you know it.

I know you didn't want to leave,

Your heart yearned to stay.

But the strength I always loved in you

Finally gave way.

She could have just told me, sat me down and asked me for more, for anything. I would have done anything for her. God, I thought I was doing all right.

'YOU AND I, BABE, WE'VE PUT EACH OTHER THROUGH HELL, AND I FIGURE THERE'S NOTHING LEFT BUT THIS. I'VE GOTTA GET CLEAN OF THIS, AND SO HAVE YOU.'

Somehow I knew

You would leave me this way.

Somehow I knew

You could never, never stay.

Is this all I deserve? A crumpled note, her sweat still glistening on my body, her love still infecting my heart?

In the early morning light

After the silent, peaceful night

You took my heart away

And I grieve.

'WELL, DOLLFACE (I KNOW, YOU HATE IT WHEN I CALL YOU THAT), THIS IS THE END OF THE LINE. I'M NOT GOING TO JUSTIFY THIS, OR PRETEND THAT IT'S THE "GROWN UP" WAY TO BEHAVE. BUT NEITHER OF US EVER PRETENDED TO BE ADULTS. WE WERE JUST DUMB KIDS, FUCKING AROUND, PLAYING AT LOVE. I KNOW NOW THAT FEELINGS ARE SERIOUS BUSINESS.'

In my dreams, I can see you

I can tell you how I feel.

In my dreams, I can hold you,

And it feels so real.

God, how deep does the hurt go? I clutch at my chest, running my fingers along the red tattoo that marks me as a scion of Akkaba.

'AFTER ALL THOSE TIMES WE GOT SHITFACED AND YOU KEPT PROPOSING, JONO…BABE, I COULDN'T TAKE IT. YOU KNOW I'M A FREE BIRD, YOU KNOW I'VE DREAMT FOR YEARS OF MARRYING…WELL…SOMEONE ELSE…HIM.'

I oughtta find that fucking feral and tear him a new one.

'IN CASE YOU'RE WONDERING, I'M NOT GOING BACK TO HIM. I MEANT IT WHEN I SAID I LEFT HIM, THAT I WANTED NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH HIM.'

I still feel the pain.

I still feel your love.

If I think hard enough, I really can see all the sings, all the warning signals leading up to this, but I ignored them willfully. God, I took her for granted.

And somehow I knew you could never, never stay.

And somehow I knew you would leave me.

In the early morning light

After the silent, peaceful night

You took my heart away.

Oh, I wish, I wish you could have stayed.

'WELL, ALL THAT TO SAY, BABE, THIS IS IT. YOU'RE SLEEPING BESIDE ME, SNORING JUST LIGHTLY ENOUGH THAT IT'S ADORABLE. FUCK. THIS IS GOING TO HURT LIKE A BASTARD.

'LOVE AND SPARKLES.'

Why couldn't you have stayed? You made me whole, like I was invincible, like I could do anything. Every bloke turned round and envied me with you on my arm. Why couldn't things be different? Why couldn't you love me enough? Why was I such a sodding pillock?

I know I was drunk when I asked you to marry me, but how else could a pathetic sod like me work up the courage to propose to someone as beautiful and radiant and magnificent as you? How the hell am I meant to get over you? Why couldn't you have waited? I would have done anything.

Anything.

I love you, so fucking much.

Oh, Jubilee.