Soundtrack To My Life
Jazz stood on the hillside overlooking the little town of Tranquility that had become the Autobots' adopted home. It was a quiet place, that hillside, a good place to stop and reflect. He had never come there before and he probably wouldn't have had it not been at the urging of his partner who was currently standing a little way behind him, giving him his space to absorb all the sensations he was feeling. And he was feeling a lot. Coming back from the dead had the tendancy to do that, he supposed.
His yellow-and-black companion stood quietly nearby, watching him with optics full of care and concern. Watching and waiting to see if he was needed. Coming out here had been a big step in Jazz's recovery, but Bumblebee didn't want to push him lest he fall again and not get up. Death had been hard on both of them, but ressurection was proving to be harder.
"Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely. I have nobody for my own."
Bumblebee tilted his head at the music that came, not from his own speakers, but Jazz's. Taking a step towards him, Bumblebee turned on his own radio. "Nobody wants to be lonely, nobody wants to cry," his speakers sang. "Just call my name, and I'll be there."
It wasn't that Jazz couldn't speak. It was just that he didn't want to, not yet. So he let the music speak for him. It was something Bumblebee understood. It seemed like another lifetime agowhen he'd first taught the scout to communicate with music on his radio just before Bumblebee left to explore Earth. There were times when they would sit together and music-speak until someone interrupted them. Those were good times.
"Chiquitita, tell me what's wrong?" Bumblebee coaxed gently.
"Memory, all alone in the moonlight. I can smile at the old days. I was beautiful then. I remember the time I knew what happiness was. Let the memory live again." Jazz looked back at him then. "I'm sorry I can't be perfect."
"Everybody hurts, sometimes." Bumblebee closed the rest of the distance between them. "Don't you ever wish you were someone else, you were meant to be the way you are exactly."
"Its just emotions taking me over, tied up in sorrows, lost in my soul." Jazz explained, lowering his head. "Please forgive me, I know not what I do."
Bumblebee shook his head and touched Jazz's arm. "Nothing you confess will make me love you less. I'll stand by you, wont let nobody hurt you."
When Jazz died, Bumblebee felt like a part of himself went with him. He remembered sitting on the ruined street, crippled and helpless, and watching as Jazz faced off against a foe more than ten times his size. He knew it was futile, had wanted to look away as Megatron held Jazz in his claws, but couldn't tear his optics from the scene.
Jazz remembered, too, what it had been like to die. Remembered looking into those demonic red optics and screaming in agony as he was ripped in two. Despite the warm color of the sunset, he shuddered. The memory was still too fresh in his mind.
"It's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life," he said. "And I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
"There will be an answer, let it be," Bumblebee replied.
Jazz looked at him then. "Hold me now, its hard for me to say I'm sorry."
Bumblebee pulled Jazz to him, wrapped his arms around him and hugged him close, unwilling to let him go lest he be taken from him again. Once had been enough. "I'll hold you tight, baby, all through the night."
"Don't wanna wake up alone anymore." Jazz held Bumblebee tight, trembling. Oh, he had missed this. He had missed so much since coming back to life again, most of all his closest companion. He had been so afraid, fearing to go back to that empty void of death, that he had pushed everyone away from him.
Bumblebee remembered all too well what Jazz's first days had been like since coming back from the dead. The moment his spark pulsed in its chamber again, Jazz had regained consciousness and lept off the table in fright. Backed into a corner he wouldn't speak, wouldn't let anyone touch him. Music had blasted through his speakers.
"Nothing's right, I'm torn. I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel. I'm cold and I am shamed, lying naked on the floor. Illusions never change into something real. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn. You're a little late. I'm already torn."
Ratchet had called for Bumblebee immediately, and the Camaro had come rushing, only to find that Jazz had shut himself away and no amount of coaxing by either human or Autobot could get him out – not Optimus or Ratchet, not Sam or Mikaela. So Bumblebee sat outside the door, day and night with his radio on, hoping he could reach the frightened Solstice through music.
The 'conversation' played itself out again in Bumblebee's mind.
"I can be your hero, baby. I can kiss away your pain," he tried.
Then Jazz had 'spoken'. "I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand."
"Come stop your crying, it will be alright. Just take my hand, hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you, I will be here, don't you cry."
"But if I come to you, tell me will you stay, or will you run away?"
"Freedom! I wont let you down.Freedom! I will not give you up."
Jazz opened the door after that and had all but collapsed into his arms.
Now as Bumblebee held the shivering Solstice in his arms, he tried to offer some comfort to him. "Hey now, hey now, don't dream, its over." He pulled back a little and gently touched Jazz's cheek. "Now take these broken wings, and learn to fly again, learn to live so free."
"I can't live with or without you."
"We'll live forever, knowing together that we did it all for the glory of love."
"But will you love me, tomorrow?"
"If tomorrow never comes, will you know how much I loved you?"
"I knew I loved you before I met you."
Bumblebee gave the robotic equivalent of an embarrassed little chuckle. "Do you remember the time, when we fell in love?"
"I was dying inside to hold you, couldn't believe what I felt for you." Jazz smiled a little then. Bumblebee had always been more than just a friend to him. He couldn't remember when exactly they'd both come to the realization that there was more to their relationship than just simple friendship, but it didn't matter.
The Camaro touched the smile on the Solstice's mouth. "Nobody knows it, but you've got a secret smile, and you use it only for me."
Jazz smiled a little more then and nuzzled Bumblebee, who slung an arm around the other's shoulders and led him over to a spot where they could sit together and just enjoy each other's company.
"What would you say, if I took those words away?"
"It's only words, and words are all I have to take your heart away." Bumblebee sat with Jazz, still with an arm around his shoulders and quirked a bit of a smile at him.
Jazz wrapped an arm around his waist and gave him a bit of a cuddle. "But you say it best when you say nothing at all."
"Silence is golden, but my eyes still see." Bumblebee returned the gesture, glad that his partner was starting to return to his old self, and the life come back to his optics.
Jazz looked at him then. "Thank you for the music, for giving it to me."
Bumblebee touched their foreheads. "You know its true, everything I do, I do it for you."
As the sun began to set, both sets of speakers started to play the same song, and as both Autobots looked out over the town below them, they knew they didn't need to say anything more to each other. The music said it all.
"In the still of the night, I held you, held you tight. 'Cause I love, love you so. Promise I'll never let you go. In the still of the night."