Guys and Dolls

Nathan Detroit: I'm a freewheelin' gambler, and I don't wanna get married!

Sky Masterson: Here, here! There's nothin' stupider than marriage! Except maybe for missionaries.

(Two Days Later...)

Sky: (standing at an altar next to a missionary, looking mildly dumbfounded) Er, what just happened, here?

Nathan: We got real whipped, real quick, that's what happened.

Adelaide: Just go with it, honey

The Wizard of Oz

The Good Witch: Get out there and fight that Wicked Witch with all you've got, Dorothy!

The Wicked Witch: (wounded) Hey, I thought we were BFF's!

The Good Witch: Huh? (sigh) That Maguire's got me so confused.

Dorothy: I can see you two are busy, so my new technicolor friends and I will go ask the wizard for help instead.

The Wicked Witch: No! He's evil!

The Good Witch: What? I thought he was just wimpy?

Dorothy: Man, this place is even weirder than I thought...

Starlight Express

Control: (falls asleep)

Greaseball: Well, now that he's out of the way, Rusty, I challenge you to a world-championship drag race!

Rusty: You're on, sucker! I'm the fastest singing train on roller skates there is!

Audience: (wishes stuff this cool would happen when they fall asleep)

The Little Mermaid

Ariel: Ursula, use your magic to make me human, so I can be with the man I love

Ursula: Okay, but you'll have to give up your voice, and the magic won't stick unless you can get him to fall in love with you (evil laugh) Heh heh, and what are the odds of that happening?

Eric: Ariel, you're the cutest mute weirdo I've ever seen!

Ursula: Dammit! I forgot I was dealing with a Disney story (goes on a rampage)

Ariel: I'll stop her! (smashes a seashell)

Eric: (annoyed) That's all it takes to destroy her? I wish somebody would have told me that before I swam to the ocean floor and drove a shipwreck through her heart!

Ariel: Our effects budget wouldn't cover that this time. Now, pipe down and marry me, gorgeous.


Cap'n Andy: Welcome aboard, folks! Allow me to introduce you to my merry crew

Pete: I hate to be the one break it to you, pal, but we're not merry

Magnolia: Yeah, my husband just ran out on me!

Julie: I'm being persecuted by aggressive racists...

Steve: And I'm secretly a vampire! (sucks Julie's blood)

Joe: You guys are a bunch of downers. I'd rather talk to the freaking river!

Into the Woods

The Baker: Yeah, son, your mom and I used to have all kinds of cool celebrity friends. Ever hear of Rapunzel? She was actually my sister. And Jack the Giant Killer-- I was the one who gave him the magic beans. Cinderella once helped us win a scavenger hunt. And one time, I totally rescued Little Red Ridinghood from Big Bad Wolf!

The Baker's Kid: (eyeroll) Right, Dad. And I've got a hot date with Snow White tonight.