Title: Foreplay

Author: Minishini

Summary: A one-shot for the LJ Community TF2007fun, in which the pairing of choice is Barricade and Bumblebee! It's disturbing and ingenious all at once. Yes, it's based off the 2007 Transformers movie.

Disclaimer: I don't own Transformers or the rights to the movie. I don't make money off this. I do it for my own sick amusement and the entertainment of others. No suing is necessary. ;o;

Pairings: Barricade x Bumblebee!

Warnings: Cursing, lots of it. Sexual references. You were warned.

A/N: I'm fully aware that the scenes I wrote are not 100 following what they were in the movie. I'm a writer. I like being creative and original. And I've chosen to make it a bit different and more unique. Please save yourself the time sending me comments pointing out where I strayed from the movie's dialogue or screen play. Kthx.

Barricade was grumpy. He was very, very grumpy. Which Frenzy was quick to remind him wasn't so much of an odd state for the Decepticon to be in. But Barricade didn't care. Oh no. He was grumpy today.

So of course when he was cruising the streets of down town Tranquility looking for nothing in particular and instead finding a certain humanoid, he was more than quick to act. He was like Megatron on a fembot as his police lights flared to life and he sounded his siren. Chasing the whelp was all too easy, and it only excited Barricade.

He lived for the chase. He fucking loved it. It was like some messed up drug to his system. If it wasn't for Starscream constantly beating it into his and the other Decepticons' heads that time was of the essence, Barricade could have spent days chasing this sack of flesh and making its life a royal hell.

So it was no surprise to him, or to Frenzy, that when Barricade finally cornered the little maggot he was pissed off as hell. To help alleviate some of the frustration of the relatively short chase, Barricade had nearly run over the…thing.

"Oh shit, guy! Okay I'm sorry!"

The fact that it spoke to him without being spoken too first just pissed him off even more.

The transformation felt great. Twisting and grinding as he stood up on two powerful, metallic legs, Barricade could have sworn there was only one thing in the known universe that felt better. And that, unfortunately, was something that was definitely off limits to him for the rest of his life.

The screamed, and Barricade felt the antifreeze in his body churn at the sound. Up it climbed to its own two legs—a sick imitation of a Cybertronian's form. And off it went, much to Barricade's delight.

"The human tries to run?" he growls to his little Decepticon companion tucked away in some hidden compartment of Barricade's body. With what could have very well been a flick of his finger, Barricade knocked the stupid organism from his pathetic feet and sent him flying into the hood of a junk car. Anger and frustration fueled him as he slammed down first one hand, then the other, and literally put his face right up to the human's.

His sensors could smell the wretched stink coming off the human. He was scared. His body was trembling. His pores were wide from his running and emitting a rather foul liquid. Barricade sneered and flashed a mouth full of razor sharp teeth that really served no purpose—besides intimidating the shit out of creatures like this.

"Are you Ladiesman217!" he demanded. The best way to get across to these thick creatures he was sure was sheer and blunt force.


Ugh. Pathetic.

"Are you Username Ladiesman217!" he demanded again, this time rocking the entire car and cracking the windshield as he pounded into the flimsy metal.

And then it happened.

A dingy, beat up Camaro plowed right into him. Knocked his senses half way to Mars.

"Bumblebee," he snarled and struggled to regain his footing. The human had made yet another run for it, this time with the yellow Camaro hot on its tail. "That damn Autobot!" roared Barricade to no one in particular.

Frenzy was uncharacteristically quiet in his compartment as Barricade tore after them.

Barricade was no longer grumpy. He was down right pissed. His sensors were scanning the environment in front of him, fully aware that the humanoid male had met up with what appeared to be a female of the same species. And now they were both climbing into that damn yellow Autobot's cab. Shit.

Shifting back into his ulterior form—a rather appealing vehicle the humans dubbed a Saleen Mustang—was almost as pleasurable an experience as shifting out of it. Only, he was sure, because it meant a car chase.

And he was definitely going to chase that yellow Autobot to the ends of the earth, if he had to.

"Do-do-do not get distrac-acted," Frenzy warned through Barricade's communications line. "Our t-t-target is the boy-oy-oy."

Ignoring his companion, Barricade floored the gas petal even though the motion was entirely unnecessary. There was just something appealing about slamming the stupid thing to the floor even though his own anatomy was what was propelling his body through the streets.

Bumblebee led him on an extraordinary chase, one that Barricade hadn't had since hunting on Cybertron. The sun was setting it a way that the internet had told him was beautiful to the humans (Frenzy had agreed without shame) as the chase took them down alleys and through abandoned warehouses. Eventually, and Barricade was somewhat glad of it, he had lost the damned Autobot among the maze of an old power plant.

Foolish robot. Didn't he know there was no escaping Barricade?

"My sensors do-o-o not detect anything," Frenzy muttered. Barricade could feel the little Decepticon interlinking his own system with Barricade's to widen his field of senses. "No engines are ac-ac-active. No exhaust."

But Barricade knew better. Just because the clever Autobot had opted to hide and turn off his car's engines meant nothing. "Try heat."

There was a momentary pause before Frenzy exclaimed, "Behind!"

And even as Barricade shifted into reverse, the sound of an engine coming to life echoed from somewhere back and to the right of him. The engine roared as Bumblebee accelerated and shot right past Barricade's rear bumper.

Swearing, Barricade put all his effort into getting his own engine to accelerate at the proper speed while trying to manage a tight turn to follow the Autobot. He momentarily lost sight of the flashing yellow Camaro as he struggled, and the next time he saw him… Sweet All-Spark, he looked almost like Barricade had remembered. Even with the new yellow plating and the filthy humans cowering behind his feet.

"You get-et-et the Autobot," Frenzy's voice took on a fevered pitch as his own excitement mounted. "I'll get the boy-oy-oy."

"Gladly," he rumbled and launched himself at Bumblebee, his body effortlessly sliding into his robotic form. When their bodies collided, everything felt absolutely perfect. The sudden absence of Frenzy from his hidden compartment made it even better. "Why hello there, Bumblebee."

The Autobot was completely silent, and for good reason. Barricade had nearly ripped out his vocals in their last encounter—with his seemingly useless teeth. It was just a love bite, Barricade chuckled to himself; damn shame the Autobot hadn't thought the same.

"How about we kill the humans, and head off for some time on our own?" he laughed cruelly as they skidded to a halt on the harsh cement paving. Bumblebee's optics had narrowed before he mounted a counter-offensive, this time knocking Barricade clear across the power plant.

Sparks flew as he landed in a clump of wires and transformers, and in more ways than one. Barricade's body was absolutely trembling with the excitement of a good chase drawing to a conclusion. He was getting aroused, and fighting with his favorite Autobot only made it worse.

Bumblebee's body collided back into his, small fists flying as he pummeled and kicked at any vulnerable part of Barricade he could find. Laughing, Barricade wrestled with the Autobot as they both tried to gain the top position.

"This is so much like last time," he grinned as he finally managed to pin Bumblebee yet again. He was aware the plates guarding his spark had retracted, almost as if they sensed what Barricade fully intended to do. "Almost…"

Metal fingers clawed at the plates covering the Autobot's own spark. Remarkably, the smaller robot hardly put up a good fight before Barricade succeeded in prying back his armor. With a strong flex of his arms, Barricade brought Bumblebee's chest into contact with his—and consequentially, their sparks.

He went momentarily blind as electricity shot through every fiber of his being. It got his engines and motors whirring and vibrating the highest frequencies Barricade could imagine. His whole being was trembling. And so was Bumblebee's.

God. It was almost like old times. Almost like they were before Megatron had recruited Barricade to his causes, and that…that scum Optimus Prime had taken Bumblebee away.

"You should be a Decepticon, Bumblebee," Barricade could barely moan out the sentence.

Which was probably the biggest mistake he could make.

Fists slammed into him. Guns fired. Explosions of a quite unpleasurable kind wracked his body. Barricade was suddenly flat on his back with a very angry Autobot looming over him. Cold blue optics were narrowed through the slits of Bumblebee's battle mask.

Shit. Barricade fucked up.

It was over before he even had time to try to defend himself. All that he could say was that Bumblebee went absolutely bat shit insane on him. And by the time the robot had seemingly grown bored and tired with it, Barricade lay in a partially functioning, sparking heap.

Bumblebee gave him one last kick to the side before trudging off to find his humans.

"Frenzy?" Barricade croaked over the private com lines linking him to his little companion.

"The bi-itch-itch cut my head off," snarled the little Decepticon. "I in turn threw away her cell pho-one-one. In position. Barrrrrricade?"

"Trashed," he grunted and let his head fall back on a neck that would no longer support it. "Call someone. Have them pick me up."

There was a silent pause before the minibot chose to reply. "You got distracted-ed-ed. Work before pleasure."

"Shut up and call someone."

Someone is going to shoot me for writing this. But it was totally worth it. And hey, it explains why Bee didn't finish Barricade off, right?!