Okay. This is crack fiction again, hope you enjoy!
Oh, and I don't own Naruto (I'm one of the many 'fans' in 'fanfiction'). Duh.
Hatake Kakashi moped as he sauntered toward his apartment. It had been one long fucking week. The good news was that Naruto was back, and now was one of his team members. To bad that meant Jiraiya was back as well. The man never ceased to rub him the wrong way. But Kakashi had to admit, the Toad Hermit had done a great job training Naruto these last few years.
He chuckled remembering how the blond shinobi, along with Sakura, had actually managed to get the bells from him during their 'test'. Attacking his one weak spot had been brilliant. His love for his icha icha books. But it had also earned him a lot of ribbing from Tsunade, and even Shizune. And apparently, the Hokage wasn't keeping the incident to herself. No less than three shinobi had laughed outright at him just that first afternoon alone.
He'd been glad when Tsunade had sent them out on their first mission, even though it was laughably easy. Anything to let the laughter die down. Yet, their first mission had turned into an utter disaster.
Not because of Naruto, whose strength and semi-maturity had actually come as something as a shock to his former teacher. And not because of Sakura, whose chakra control and strength were matched well by her analytical skills. No, not because of them, but because of him.
It had been a simple enough mission, one requiring tracking a cold trail. So he'd done the obvious, he'd summoned Pakkun and the rest of the nin-dog pack to help with the tracking. Unfortunately, he'd summoned them at the point where the trail had petered out, right in the middle of the village.
The public venue wasn't the problem. The problem had been something he had never even considered, not in his wildest dreams. No. He couldn't have foreseen that Kiba and his mother had been in the village watching, along with their own nin-dogs. It had never occurred to him that he'd never had to summon his nin-dog pack in front of any of the Inuzukas before.
The resulting events could hardly be deemed his fault. But Kuromaru and Akamaru had taken one look at the two female dogs in his pack and fallen into doggy lust. And it didn't help that the female dogs had looked quite interested too, especially in the now huge Akamaru. It wouldn't have been so bad if the male dogs in his pack, little Pakkun included, hadn't taken such a dim view of the intruders into their pack.
The fighting had been loud, swift, and forceful. Resulting in Inuzuka Hana being called to treat just about all of the nin-dogs. Except Akamaru, who had left all the actual fighting to the smaller dogs, intent on the ladies. Both of his female dogs might make him a happy doggy daddy in a few months.
Tsunade had shown up, having followed the sounds of the loud fighting. Only to stare appalled. She'd then dressed Kakashi down in no uncertain terms and postponed the mission for an hour or two to allow the nin-dogs to rest and heal.
Akamaru and Kuromaru had been forcibly dragged away by an embarrassed Kiba and his mother, Tsume, who wouldn't quit laughing.
After the mission had finally gotten underway, things had gone pretty smoothly, thank heaven. But they were back now and Kakashi was tired. He walked into his apartment and rolled his head and shoulders as he stalked to the kitchen, scanning the contents of his refrigerator for anything decent.
Shriveled left-overs were all he could find. Grousing, he closed the door and reached to call for take out when he spotted the note stuck to his refrigerator. It was a small note, written in his own handwriting, a simple little reminder.
"FUCK!" Kakashi yelled, then banged his head against the refrigerator door. He'd forgotten! He was due at his mother's house in less than an hour to escort her to the party of one of her oldest and dearest friends. If he were late he'd never hear the end of it, that was for damn sure.
Kakashi rushed back to his bathroom, doing the quickest clean-up he could then grabbing what was clean from the back of his closet. He was dressed and ready in record time. He knew he was well known for being late to everything. But he was never late when visiting his mother, she'd have had his hide.
He rushed out the door with minutes to spare, racing the rooftops toward his mother's house. He dropped down outside Hatake Miyuki's front door. Kakashi smoothed out his clothes and mask, not even out of breath. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on the door.
"Come in, darling. I'm almost ready." His mother called out as Kakashi opened the door, sticking his head inside. "I just need a few more moments."
Sure. He couldn't be late, but she never minded keeping him waiting.
Kakashi wandered over to the kitchen table, snagging an apple before his empty belly could protest too much. Or too loudly. He was polishing the apple against his shirt when his mother came around the corner, with a smile.
"Would you like a small drink while you wait?" She said, then stopped and stared at Kakashi, who was doing some staring of his own.
"Wow, mom. You look fantastic." He told her, kind of shocked at the changes in her since he'd last seen her. That had only been last week.
Her hair was freshly styled and hung in pretty waves around her still young face. She was only 52 after all. Her skin looked smooth and supple and that was definitely a new dress. Her eyes, sparkling just a second before, narrowed suspiciously. "Kakashi? What are you doing here?"
With that, Kakashi's breath stuck in his throat. He replayed what she'd said earlier. 'Come in, darlingjust whom had she been expecting?
"Uhm, I'm escorting you to Suzu's party. Just like I do every year." He pointedly reminded his mother, as he eyed the changes in her appearance. Was she dressing up for a man? Kakashi swayed.
"Oh, well of course you are dear." Miyuki soothed him as she led him toward the front door. Was she trying to get rid of him? Who was it she was expecting? She hadn't dated much since his father had taken his own life so many years ago. Kakashi sniffed. She was wearing her 'good' perfume too! Shit! This wasn't just any date then.
"But I've already got an escort and I'd thought you'd been sent on another dreary mission." Miyuki had her hand on the door. Hell, she was trying to get rid of him. Her only son. This was bad.
"Who's your escort?" He managed to ask as she opened the door. Kakashi saw the man standing on his mother's porch with one hand raised to knock and the other holding a lovely bunch of flowers.
Kakashi screamed and blacked out.
When he came to, seconds later, he was lying flat on his back with his mother looking worriedly down at him.
"I'm sure it's nothing, Miyuki-chan. He's probably just worn out from his latest mission." The man's voice was like fingernails down a chalkboard. Kakashi's eyes popped open to glare murderous thoughts at the man who was currently rubbing circles on Miyuki's back.
Jiraiya glanced down and saw Kakashi watching him, the Sannin winked at him as he drew Miyuki away. "Go finish getting ready, see, he's already coming around."
"Well, if you're sure he's alright, Jira-kun." She managed before disappearing into the back of the house.
"Jira-kun?" Kakashi growled, as he jumped up prepared to battle.
"An old honorific, dear boy. Your mother and I go way back you know." The Toad Hermit smirked as he reached down and snagged the forgotten apple at his feet. "Your dinner I presume?" Then Jiraiya polished the apple and bit down into it as he headed into the main sitting room.
Kakashi stormed after him, raising his hands to form jutsu seals when Jiraiya raised one expressive eyebrow. "You wouldn't cause a fuss in your mother's house would you?"
Unsure, Kakashi stopped, started again and then stopped. Then he let loose a long string of curse words as he slumped down into the nearest seat.
"Tsk. Tsk. Such language. I know you didn't learn that from my Miyuki-chan."
Rage burned a hole in Kakashi's stomach. His Miyuki-chan, indeed! "Just who the fuck do you think you are anyway?"
Jiraiya was saved from answering as Miyuki swept into the room looking beautiful and very happy. Kakashi shut his eyes with sudden illness. She looked soooo happy as she greeted the Toad Hermit with familiar ease.
"Are you ready Jira-kun?" She kissed the man's cheek and Kakashi nearly attacked right then and there. The thought of his mother's lips anywhere near that pervert was enough to drive him insane. The was the man whose sick mind had come up with the icha icha series! And he was currently kissing his mother back!
A small whimper escaped him, making Miyuki turn to frown down at him. "Are you alright Kakashi dear? Why don't you stay here while we're gone. There's stew in the refrigerator if you're hungry."
Kakashi glanced at Jiraiya and smiled. "I really am quite exhausted, mother. Are you sure you need to go to Suzu's party?" He put as much whine into his voice as he felt she'd believe.
Apparently, it was too much. Her eyes narrowed on him dangerously. "Kakashi? What are you up to now? You know Suzu counts on me to be there, don't you? And with Jiraiya here for the first time in so long too. I guess I can call Shizune to send over a medic to sit with you."
Kakashi burned with impotent anger as he told his mother that he didn't need a 'sitter' and that he'd be fine. Her face cleared of its worry as she patted him on the head, like she'd done for years. It didn't usually bother him, but with Jiraiya looking on it irked him like never before.
With that, Miyuki left them alone together to get her wrap.
Kakashi hissed at the older Sannin. "Lay one hand on her and I'll kill you."
Jiraiya chuckled. "No you won't. It would hurt your mother's feelings."
Kakashi's hand trembled at repressing the desire to throttle Jiraiya's throat, wiping the smug look of of his face.
"Isn't she a bit old for your usual tastes?"
Jiraiya frowned somberly down at the copy-ninja. "Boy. You need to learn some respect. Your mother is a fine woman who gets more beautiful each time I see her. Grow up."
Chagrined and not a little embarrassed, Kakashi nodded, but still couldn't stop his next question. "What are you up to anyway, you old pervert?"
Jiraiya leaned in and whispered into Kakashi's ear. "Just call me Dad."
When Miyuki returned, Kakashi was trying hard not to attack the white-haired Sannin. The two made their goodbyes and headed out for the party before Kakashi could control himself.
"Fuck!" He screamed, dropping his head into his hands. Would this week never end?
Miyuki strolled with Jiraiya towards her friends home, her arm perched lightly upon his. "I'm so glad you arrived in time to attend the party with me. A lot of your old friends will be there."
"Surviving friends." Jiraiya added with a hint of sadness. "I've been gone too long."
Miyuki turned back and cast a look at her house before they turned a corner. "Did Kakashi really seem alright to you? He looked a bit peaked to me."
Jiraiya patted her hand reassuringly. "He was just a bit jealous you know."
"Seeing a handsome man from your past taking you out while you look so incredibly lovely." Jiraiya told her with a leer.
"Oh you!" She blushed and nudged him with her hip. "Didn't you tell him that we're nothing but old friends? Besides, I remember you too well to ever consider dating you." She wagged a scolding finger in his direction.
"Of course I told him." Jiraiya lied to her with a straight face.
Well, that's it for now. Don't see this one going anywhere, probably a one-shot. Review please!