Title: That's Sexual Harassment
Universe: Bleach
Theme/Topic: N/A
Rating: PG-13
Character/Pairing/s: ShuuheixYumichika, (light mentions of IkkakuxKira), aid from Renji
Warnings/Spoilers: OOC, stupidity.
Word Count: 1,838
Summary: Shuuhei is being sexually harassed. He thinks.
Dedication: sophiap- Hang in there, love!
A/N: Wow I just found this after like, 3 months of having forgotten it even existed. I just tacked on an ending just now, but I figure it's ready to go up either way. LOL None of my fic makes that much sense anyway. XD
Disclaimer: Not mine, though I wish constantly.
Distribution: Just lemme know.

"I think," Shuuhei began abruptly, as he downed his third or fourth shot in so many minutes, "that I am being sexually harassed in the office."

Renji blinked at him. "Huh. What makes you say that?"

Shuuhei raised his arm as if to say something. Then, after a moment, he gave up on trying to talk through it and pulled the corner of his uniform aside instead. A dark love-bite colored the arch of his collarbone.

Renji stared. "Nice hickey. Yumichika do that to you?"

Hisagi nodded, looking frustrated. "That's sexual harassment, right?" he posed, and sounded almost as though he was hoping for a confirmation. Any confirmation.

Renji, on the other hand, rather thought that sexual harassment of that sort could be avoided if one really wanted to avoid it, especially given that Hisagi's new captain was lots smaller than him. "What happened?" the redhead asked instead, deciding that he should probably act as the sympathetic ear rather than point out the obvious. For now.

"Ayasegawa-taichou kissed me," Shuuhei explained with a frown. "Can't you tell just by looking?"

"And then what?"

Shuuhei flushed. "And then he laughed at me when I freaked out. He said that I was a bad kisser."

Renji snorted.

Shuuhei glared. "I'm not."

"That doesn't explain the hickey."

Shuuhei slumped a little. "Yeah. Well. When I tried to tell him that I was actually a very good kisser he just told me to prove it and kissed me again."

"Huh," Renji said.

"Sexual harassment, right?" Hisagi reiterated, though it seemed like he was talking more to himself than Renji now.

"Then what'd you do?"

"Well I kissed him back to prove I could kiss well."

"Very clever," Renji allowed, and was glad Shuuhei was already tipsy enough that he didn't know what sarcasm was anymore.

"And that…became…well." Hisagi motioned to his collarbone. "As you see." Sigh. "Then…that is, afterwards… he laughed at me some more and told me to get back to work."

The other vice-captain smirked. "So now you want me to tell you that you making out with your captain was sexual harassment in the office?"

"Yes." Pause. Scowl. "Don't say it like that, asshole. It was completely…nonconsensual. Against protocol. He is clearly doing this to mess with my head." Shuuhei looked troubled at the thought.

Renji studied him for a long, silent moment. And then he understood perfectly. He grinned. "You dog."

The shorter man blinked. "What?"

Renji said it again. "You dog. He left you with a boner in the middle of the workday and you're bitter."

Shuuhei gaped. "What? No! No, I'm… where the hell did that come from?!"

Renji snickered knowingly. "Yumichika's like that though, I guess."

Hisagi's eyes narrowed. "How do you know?"

The younger man coughed. "Er, I just, you know. Heard stuff. About his messin' with people's heads. He ain't ever tried to make out with me though."

Shuuhei looked vaguely mollified at that. "Yeah. Well. Sexual harassment. I should…report it or something."

Renji snorted. "Ain't no one you can report to in seireitei who don't already know that Yumi's a cocktease."

Hisagi sighed. "So he is playing around."

He sounded disappointed.

Renji eyed him. "Nonconsensual, huh?"


"Against protocol?"


Renji smirked. Gestured over their shoulders, where the third division's new captain was wrapped around his grinning vice-captain while the former taught the latter how to play darts. The pair practically glowed, and it wasn't just from Ikkaku's shiny head either. "Fuck protocol."

Shuuhei snorted. "Those two don't count."

"Why not?"

"There was nothing ever normal about Ikkaku in the first place."

Renji arched his brows. Grinned. "Waitaminute. Are you really tryin' to tell me you think Yumichika's normal?"


And then Shuuhei paled and covered his face with his hands. "Fuck. Fuck."

"Seriously," Renji agreed, and motioned for the barkeep to pour both he and Hisagi another drink. "For courage!" he said, and air-toasted the groaning vice-captain at his side.

Some hours later Hisagi Shuuhei found himself standing outside of his new captain's door. His breath was shallow and his palms sweaty. Wasn't alcohol supposed to take your inhibitions away?

He frowned and stared at the entryway for a while, without moving. He thought that maybe he should head back to the bar for a few more drinks after all, the first few clearly were not working.

Five minutes passed without him moving in either direction, and just when he was about to give the whole thing up as a pointless venture and go home instead, a highly amused voice from the other side of the door disrupted his thoughts. "Are you going to stand there all night emanating discontent or are you going to come in and speak to me, fukutaichou?"

Hisagi clenched his teeth. Well, that was that then, wasn't it? "Sorry for the intrusion," he muttered, before sliding the door open and slipping in.

He found Yumichika sitting at his table sipping tea and lazily perusing the day's paperwork (Shuuhei had to admit that for all his fooling around, Ayasegawa-taichou really was on top of the day-to-day office tasks).

Yumichika looked up at the taller man when he entered, smiling pleasantly. Hisagi shivered when he saw his captain's expression, because he couldn't quite quash the feeling that it was a knowing smile as well. Exactly what it knew was hidden somewhere under all the eerie pleasantness.

"Is there something you wanted?" the pretty shinigami asked, after a moment of Shuuhei just staring at him and fidgeting. He smirked.

Hisagi swallowed nervously and hoped that it was just the alcohol in his system that was assigning emphasis to certain words his captain was using.

He twitched. "Um. Yeah. I wanted to…that is… about the whole… sexual harassment thing."

Yumichika blinked in confusion. "Sexual harassment?"

Shuuhei frowned. Maybe the words were too strong, now that he thought about it. He cleared his throat. "The uh…flirting."

His captain's eyes lit with recognition. "Oh. That."

"Yeah. That. I uh… it's very…uncomfortable," Hisagi managed, awkwardly. "So… you should um… I mean, not that I'm giving you any sorts of orders or anything, but… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

He jumped backwards with a shout, only noticing that Yumichika had moved during the course of his speech at the very last moment. The pretty captain was now rather close. Uncomfortably close, in fact.

"Well," Yumichika began, calmly, "these are very severe accusations, fukutaichou. I want you to know I take them seriously."

He took another step forward then, looking right up into the taller man's eyes. "Go on."

Shuuhei swallowed again. Took another step backwards. "Uh. Right. As I was saying… you shouldn't… it's not professional, and against protocol, so maybe you should…" He paused. Frowned when he looked more closely at the other man, now that he could. "Did I do that?" he asked after a moment, and wasn't thinking when he reached out to rub the curve of Yumichika's neck with his thumb, noticing for the first time, the series of small, mouth-shaped bruises almost hidden behind the curved edge of Ayasegawa's jaw.

Yumichika's eyes laughed at him. "Yes. I suppose you take affront to your technique being questioned. It was quite the counterattack."

Shuuhei blinked and slowly, reluctantly removed his hand from where it was stroking Yumichika's throat. "Well, yeah. You shouldn't make judgments on something you don't know anything about."

"Fair enough. I'll take care—in the future— to do more thorough research on the matter before I say anything about how well you kiss."

Shuuhei nodded. "Good."

Yumichika looked bemused. "Are you very drunk?" he asked.

"I'm standing," Shuuhei responded, as if that was a gauge.

For someone who had been formerly in the eleventh, it probably was. "Well. That's good," the new captain allowed. "Is there anything else you'd like to complain to me about while we're here?"

Yumichika smiled warmly then, and Shuuhei suddenly understood why he'd spent three hours at this man's beck and call all those weeks ago, rearranging the lamps and candles in this office until Yumichika was happy with their placement. As it stood, right now the light perfectly caught the shine in Ayasegawa's eyes, the whiteness of his skin, the slight moistness of his lips. It was all very flattering, as far as Shuuhei could tell.

Hisagi gulped. "Uh." He stared at his captain's mouth and thought his head felt hot. "Well…"

Yumichika beamed, tilted his head up, parted his lips. Even drunk, Hisagi knew an open invitation when he saw one. "Well, fukutaichou?" the former fifth seat prompted patiently. Knowingly.

Shuuhei stared. "Uh…"

Yumichika licked his bottom lip.

And just like that, all thoughts of words that weren't 'well fuck' promptly fled Hisagi Shuuhei's mind.

He groaned.

And before he properly knew what he was doing, he found himself striding forward and grabbing Yumichika's arm. He managed to mutter a disbelieving "Cocktease," against the smaller man's mouth before he was utterly and thoroughly defeated, leaning forward to kiss his captain. Again.

Yumichika smiled into it when their lips met, and Shuuhei was fairly certain he was being laughed at again. But he also figured that it was fine because he probably deserved it right now, drunk as he was and complaining about sexual harassment all while he had both arms wrapped around his captain's neat, slim waist.

When they pulled apart, he felt lightheaded and leaned his forehead against Yumichika's as he waited for the world to be set to rights again. "Fuck," he hissed.

Yumichika pulled away before it could though, and Hisagi wondered if it was a sign that his world would never be right side up ever again. "What?" he murmured, when the smaller shinigami simply chuckled and headed back towards his desk.

Shuuhei frowned.

He hoped whatever was wrong now had nothing to do with that whole being a bad kisser thing again, because dammit, he'd work on it if that was really the case.

But as it was, Yumichika just smiled invitingly over his shoulder at the befuddled vice-captain.

Shuuhei blinked. "Buh?"

"I believe your exact words were, 'You shouldn't make judgments on something you don't know anything about.' Correct me if I'm wrong, of course."

That sounded about right. Shuuhei however, was not following how Yumichika had gotten to there from where they'd just been. "Maybe it's 'cuz I'm kinda drunk, but I don't get it," he admitted after a moment, reluctantly.

Yumichika just snickered and reached out to the lamp on his desk, slowly turning it down. "What I mean to say is, don't call me a cocktease until you've done your research first, fukutaichou," he said, voice positively wicked. "Or… I might just have to take it upon myself to prove you wrong."

Shuuhei blinked. Then, "Oh." Pause. Grin. "Oh."

Yumichika was laughing at him again at that point, but as Shuuhei strode forward and hopped the desk, he supposed he didn't mind all that much.

In fact, it turned out to be the most pleasant experience at being wrong he'd ever had.