Title: Home Again
Pairings: Will Lennox x Sarah Lennox
Rating: Eh, PG-13 for foul language, which should be expected in my fics.
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em. I'm not making money off this. No need to involve lawyers plz. D:
"What," Sarah Lennox was practically shaking with rage as she rounded on her husband, "is that thing standing in my begonias!"
Will flinched and looked past his wife's head to eye the giant robot that was, indeed, currently standing in his wife's garden. Ironhide was still looking a little shell shocked as he glanced around, before crouching down to peer through the living room window. "His name is Ironhide, sweetie—"
"Don't you sweetie me, William Lennox!" she snapped and tore the now screaming Annabelle from his arms. She rocked the small child, albeit a little too roughly. "What the hell is it?"
"He's a uh…a robot?" he supplied. He didn't know how she would react to the information that Ironhide was, in all reality, an alien organism from another solar system. "And it's a he, baby, not an 'it.'"
"I don't care," she snapped and shifted Annabelle so that the babe's head rested on her shoulder. "What the hell is it doing here? Where did it come from? And why is it flashing those…those weapons around as if we're in a damn war zone?"
Will winced as he caught sight of Ironhide sitting down on the lawn, sufficiently crushing the rest of his wife's garden, to examine one of said guns. "Well, baby, he's kinda like our…body guard."
"Bodyguard?" her face fell noticeably. "Will, what did you do to get the government to stick a giant robotic weapon on our front lawn as our body guard?"
He locked his eyes on her and squared his shoulders. He loved his wife; he even loved her hair pin trigger temper. And while the thought had occurred to him to lie to her and protect her from the truth, he had more respect for Sarah than that. "I helped saved the world from an alien invasion," he declared proudly.
There was a silence in the house aside from Annabelle's hiccupping and the sound of Ironhide tinkering with one of his plasma cannons. Then Sarah tilted back her head…and laughed.
"I'm serious," Will frowned and took Annabelle from his wife once again. It made him nervous seeing their first and only child bouncing precariously in his unstable wife's possession. "Ironhide is an alien. He came from his destroyed home planet, Cybertron."
"Will, cut the shit," Sarah snapped as her laughter died off. "Did you accidentally kill some middle eastern prince while you were in Iraq? Did you see who did the assault on Qatar and now they're trying to hunt you down? What? Tell me the truth, Will, it's the least you can do." By now she was visibly shaking in anger and…was that hurt his wife was looking at him with?
"Sarah, I'm not fucking lying," he frowned and grabbed her wrist with his free arm. He hated man-handling her like this, and so did she, but she needed to understand what was happening. So he physically dragged her back out onto the lawn and right in front of Ironhide, who was now dismantling his own arm-turned cannon.
"What?" the robot asked grumpily.
"What is it doing?" Sarah wailed as she eyed the pile of screws, bolts, and circuitry littering the remains of her garden. "My begonias…"
"It?" Ironhide quirked a mechanical eyebrow and paused in his tinkering. "I am a male, woman; I would prefer to be designated as such if you refuse to use my name."
Will smiled smugly to himself as Sarah ogled the giant robot. "I told you," he couldn't resist.
"And…and you are here why?" Sarah asked after few moments. "Ironhide?"
Ironhide set down his dismantled arm to look her over. "I am to guard your family unit against any possible Decepticon attacks. Sometimes they are prone to acts of revenge, or harming those close to the Autobots as an attack on our emotional attachments."
"Emotions…right…" Sarah nodded slightly, looking particularly dazed. "And…Decepticons are?"
Suddenly Ironhide was charging his in tact cannon and snarling angrily. "Vile filth," he growled and leaned in close over Sarah. Will was proud of his wife for not cowering back in fear from the angry robot. She really was some kind of woman. "Traitors to the Autobots. They plot to see your kind eliminated, as they plotted to eliminate mine."
Sarah gave him that vague absent nod again. "Will?"
"The people that attacked Qatar…they were the Decepticons. Well, one of them. He was using the computers there to hack military classified documents in the attempt to find this…this All Spark thing that was lost on our planet," Will explained slowly, pronouncing every syllable clearly. Little Annabelle sniffled in his arms and he rubbed at her back gently. "Me and my men were the only survivors. They failed at killing us off—" Sarah winced at that, "—and we just got caught up in a battle between them and the Autobots, the guys that Ironhide works for."
She nodded again and drew herself up. "Then…"
"I helped them save the world," he wrapped up. "I don't know what else to say."
Ironhide looked over Sarah before settling back to work on his cannon. "The female is shocked speechless. Oddly, I'm surprised that she hasn't broken down yet."
Will cursed under his breath as he caught the sudden change in his wife's posture. "Excuse me?" she demanded the giant robot. "Whoever programmed your sorry ass evidently didn't understand the concept of manners."
Ironhide's head darted back to focus on Sarah, all towering five feet and five inches of her. "What did you say?" he demanded in a loud, booming voice.
"You heard me!" she snapped. "Where do we go to get you some manners installed? There has to be a program for that!"
Will stepped back from the scene as Ironhide climbed to his feet slowly, elegantly, like some giant pissed off panther. "I will have you know," he snarled slowly as he glared down at Sarah's little form, "that Cybertronian's are not programmed. I am as I am, female, and will not take such lip from one with so few years to her name. I am Ironhide, arms specialist of the Autobots, and I will expect the respect my name and position entitle me!"
It was oddly funny, Will thought absently, watching his tiny wife argue it out with Ironhide's twenty foot plus figure. Her face was practically red as she matched Ironhide glare for glare. "And I suppose you're so much older and wiser than me to deserve it? What are you, four? You can't be too old for something so advanced."
And that set Ironhide off like a fire cracker in a bonfire. He roared and slammed his fist down in the grass next to Sarah, stirring up dust and dirt and making a rather large crater in Will's lawn. Sarah finally backed away, her eyes wide and her body trembling. "I have seen planets burst into existence and die just as quickly while your own pathetic world was a mote in time and space!" he roared. "I am an Autobot elder, a general and a soldier! I am not some half-assed, primitive creation of your kind!"
Annabelle screamed and wailed in Will's arms, sufficiently directing the angry Autobot's attention from his wife to Will and the baby.
"And what the Pit is that slagging noise?" he bellowed, blue optics narrowing.
"Will, get my baby away from this thing!" Sarah shrieked.
Will sighed and turned Annabelle in his arms so that Ironhide could get a better look at her. "This is my baby girl, Ironhide. This is Annabelle."
The robot's expression seemed to soften as a loud whirring and clicking came from his head. Will had the distinct impression that he was investigating the little bundle of joy in Will arms. After a short silence, Ironhide finally spoke. "Your youngling has the lung capacity of a dolphin."
He couldn't help laughing, even if Sarah was practically panicking and trying to grab Annabelle from Will's hands. "You scared her, 'Hide. That's what babies do when they're scared. They scream and cry for their parents to come protect them and make them feel better." Will reluctantly let his frantic wife take Annabelle from him. Sarah slipped to stand behind Will, putting his body between her and Ironhide. "You can't be yelling like that while she's still little, feel me?"
Ironhide frowned and nodded. "My apologies. I was rather…pissed off, you would say."
"Baby," Will elbowed his wife gently. "He said sorry."
Sarah ignored him and continued staring at Ironhide as if he were some volatile and sensitive weapon. Which he was, Will had to remind himself.
Ironhide let out a smug laugh as he settled back into his bed of crushed flowers and returned to working on his plasma cannon. "That is more what I expected," he sniffed haughtily. "The worst part about being so technologically advanced," and he cast a meaningful look at Sarah as he spoke, "is that a loose screw can cause my cannons to go haywire."
Will couldn't believe it. Did Sarah…hurt...Ironhide's feelings? "Baby, I think you should apologize to him," he whispered over his shoulder. "He's kinda sensitive."
"I'm sorry," Sarah squeaked and ran back inside the house.
Ironhide chuckled and began putting his arm back together. "Females."
Author's Notes: This is probably gonna just be a little chain of crack fics involving Ironhide and his adventures with the Lennox family. I'm debating on a plot I have kinda going... We'll see what happens the next time I feel like writing this particular chain. I'm not feeling too well at the moment either, so my updates are most likely going to slow down for the rest of the week. I'll make it up to you all thought. 3 Much love.