First one-shot. Really I think this is complete crap, but I have writing self esteem issues. 18 is so OOC, but I wrote this on a whim and just decided to post it.
Disclaimer: I was not aware the creator of DBZ was a short skinny 17 year old blond girl living in America. Oh cause he's not. So me no own.
What I see.
The sea is a beautiful place. It's somewhere that people fight traffic, and storms, and all other obstacles to see, to enjoy. The sunsets one sees from above the watery mystery is the most intoxicating in the world. Reds lining the very bottom of the seemingly endless depth. Oranges and yellows of many hues reaching their warm fingers out to reassure the few lucky enough to be watching. What made all so much more beautiful was that all the splendor of it was doubled by it's mirror image in the salty glass. It was perfect, and it was beautiful.
That was just the reason it was breaking his already fragile heart. Beautiful, everything in this small island world was beautiful. The sky, the ocean, the sand. Everything. Everything that is except him. He was in no way beautiful. He never was and most likely never would be.
Krillin sighed as he shifted the sand with his bare toes looking away. His hands gripped tightly at the sand and he bit his lip to ease his pain. He didn't deserve this wonderful home, this lovely sunset, this peaceful life. Most importantly he didn't deserve her. He wouldn't ever be deserving enough for the amazing creature that was his wife.
18 was the most accurate and concrete definition of perfect. A literal earth angle. To this day he couldn't even fathom what had made her decide to marry him. Him of all people in the world. She was absolutely amazing. She deserved so much better than him. He knew it. He would always know.
'And so will the rest of the world.'he thought bitterly as his foot hit a stone. He pulled his foot away in pain an threw the offender into the ocean before him. Imaging it was every cruel face that had hurt him over the years. Hurt him for betraying only the truth when they saw him. A truth he could never live down.
Throughout his short and admitibly interesting life Krillin had been scorned for the way he looked. He had adjusted to it as he got older accepting it as a part of his life. No matter where he went he would always get those looks. Looks that blamed him for his deformity. Looks that wondered why he was bothering to live anymore. Looks that danced with hatred, disgust, and utter revolt. That was just the kind of life he was forced to live.
No, that was all normal to him. That would never be enough to send him into the depression he was feeling now as he played with the sand under his hands. These were all things in his past and all things he would just have to learn to live with. But the last two years. The last two years of his life had been the hardest of them all.
When he and 18 had decided to get married he thought he had found everything he had ever wanted. He and she could start the life he had dreamed about for as long as he could possibly remember. He would have a family. His goals were becoming real and in reach for the first time in his life. Or at least that's what it had looked like on his wedding day. Now he was finally seeing the pain that came with being 18's lover.
'Did I really believe there wouldn't be anymore pain?' he groaned inwardly as the beautiful sunset came closer to it's death. He buried his face in his small arms and blocked out the rest of the world. He bit down hard on his lip to stop his tears as the emotional pain from the last few years found it's way to the surface. For as punishment for marrying a women he would clearly never be deserving of was a swarm of new looks and tortures. What was worse was these were not meant for him, but for her. Now the world's eyes held something for 18 that destroyed him.
Pity. Every eye that had ever scorned him now gave pity to the women who brought him eternal happiness. They knew as he did that she was far too good for the likes of someone so undeserving. Someone like him.
Whenever they went out together he saw it. Women whispered things like 'Poor girl' and 'She can do so much better than him.' Then they looked at him with hatred for ruining her life. Men hooted and howled in laughter. They called out vulgar comments, and offered things to 18 that made his blood boil hotter than the sun. They too took him for nothing more than a rich old pervert and saw her as a girl trapped in his grip. Though most of their assumptions were false, (Krillin had no money and 18 was far from helpless), the core behind it all was true.18 needed and deserved someone better than him.
Unable to take it anymore he pulled his head from his arms. Holding back tears he pounded the ground in front of him. It hurt, it all hurt too much. He didn't know what he could possibly do. He couldn't leave 18 it would break him and if he did he might as well have killed himself. Yet 18 needed more. More than he could ever give her.
"It's not fair."he yelled as he stood. He began to scream as he threw sand and rocks and anything else near him into the finally black sea . His Ki was rising as was his pain and anger as he let all the frustration out. He knew no one would notice. It was just Krillin, most likely training though why did he bother? That's what all the others would think. He knew that full and well.
Finally he curled his right hand and held his left straight out in front of him. Gathering what ever energy he had left he formed a medium size ki ball and fired with all he had. The ball soared for a few moments temporarily relighting the bleak sky as it did. Then it hit the water and exploded, taking several pounds of salt water and rocks with it.
He breathed deeply, his anger defusing. He did not move for a long time, hours maybe, or maybe it was only a few moments. He didn't know nor did he care. Dropping his hands, he turned back toward his home and headed in thanking the Kami that he was alone.
As he reached the door his hands tangled in his hair. He couldn't even remember the last time he had blown up like that. He must have been a child or a teenager. It didn't matter, the point was it had been a rather long time since he had.
"That doesn't matter right now."he told himself as he closed the door and headed up the carpeted stairs to his, or rather their, room. He didn't bother to turn on any lights as he didn't need them, he knew the halls well enough to get to their room. The same room he had lived in for almost twenty years now. He couldn't believe it was that long really, it must have been shorter.
The door sounded very loud as it opened and his room looked strangely large all of a sudden. Sighing he found his way to the bed and lied down. These were not things to be thinking of at the moment. He had to decide something, he had to make some change to his life. It was becoming to hard and too painful. Continuing this life would surely kill him if he didn't do something.
As her feet hit the soft white sand she was surprised to say the least. She had lived in the small pink house for two or three years now and had never seen it look so lifeless. All the lights were out and every window was shut tight. That was just unnatural. For as long as she knew it this place was always thriving and beating with life.
'That might just be because every time I see it he's around.'she blushed at her own thoughts as she made her way to open the door. 18 smiled thinking of her small husband. She hated being away from him, but everyone needed space now and again. Besides Krillin had been weird the last few days. He needed to be alone. She hated having to leave him. She began searching the small downstairs for him, but turned up empty.
"Today was the best choice though."she said to no one, but herself. She still felt bad leaving for the day after learning that the old master and the pig would be shopping all day at the only store they ever shopped at. This could have been their chance for some private time. Yet she agreed with the old man that right now space was what they needed, and anyway didn't people always say absence makes the heart grow fonder, which must be true seeing how she couldn't wait to see her husband again. After combing the living room she settled on the fact that he must be upstairs.
Following his same path she made her way up to their bedroom to find him. Their bedroom. Even now two years later she was embarrassed by the flutter her heart gave when she thought of sharing, well, anything with Krillin. Only he ever made her do such things. She turned into the hall and reached to turn the light on. Until that was she heard a large crash from her bedroom.
"Dammit."she heard her husband yell in a voice very much not like his. Curious and worried she pushed open the door and saw him lying on their bed. His hands were tangled in his hair, and his jaw was clenched shut. He appeared to either be deep in thought or deep in agony. Neither of which was good when it came to Krillin.
Walking fully into the room she saw something broken on the floor, paying it no mind she approached her husband. He turned to look at her and was both angry and relieved. Angry because he still didn't know what he was going to do. Relieved because, well, she was 18 and he loved her. He was always relieved to see her when he was upset.
"Krillin what are you doing?"she half whispered sitting on their bed with him. She was almost dreading the answer. He had been stressed past his limits for longer than she liked. He was distant, pained and indifferent these last few days. She didn't like it, she missed the old Krillin.
"I don't know."he answered honestly. He didn't. He knew he couldn't decide the future of his relationship by himself. Besides it wasn't like she'd listen if he did anyway. 18 did what she wanted, and no one stopped her from it. It was part of why he loved her. But he knew how he was behaving. He knew that he couldn't live with this pain anymore. He was out of options.
"I'll make diner."he said quietly. Sighing he stood up and began towards the door. Her eyes followed and her heart sank. Just as he was the only one that could make her heart fly he was the only one who could shoot it down as easily. When he reached the door he turned back for a moment and wished he hadn't. She was sad, and very hurt. Forgetting himself for a moment he took a step back to her.
"18, what's wrong?"he questioned half reaching to his wife. Sometimes even he couldn't believe the amount of longing and love in his voice when he spoke to her.
"I don't know."she said locking her icy orbs with his onyx ones, "You haven't told me yet." It was true too. She had been in the dark for only Kami knew how long. He was shutting her out. That was something she wasn't used to. He'd always been so open with her. She wondered what had changed.
She looked away and the two stayed in that position for three lifetimes or maybe it was fifteen minutes. Both knew they were treading into dangerous waters and neither wanted to make the first move. This was a wedge between them. It sank deeper and deeper and threatened to tear them apart. It was so small that they gave it no attention, but now it was clear and unavoidable to both of them. They were drifting apart.
Krillin's thoughts were simple. If he let it go, if he just let this wedge sink deeper 18 would leave him. That would solve all the problems. He would no longer feel this pain and she could finally find the man she deserved all along. But could he really do that? Could he in fact just let her go and live without her? No, no he couldn't. He already knew that. Why did he try to fool himself?
18 looked at her husband as he raged in some sort of mental battle. He appeared to be neither winning or losing. She watched and felt an emotion she almost never felt toward him. Anger. Not the slight frustration she got when he embarrassed her or didn't listen, but real, raw anger. He was a complete hypocrite on this matter. He had encouraged her time and time again to share what she had been feeling, to release her pain. Yet here he was debating on whether he could trust himself with the same responsibility. This was one thing about Krillin that truly angered her, perhaps the only thing.
"It's you."Krillin's voice seem to come out of no where, startling them both. Apparently his mind had decided to tell18 what he was feeling. After that though he just blanked out. He didn't know what to say. He hadn't planned on telling her but...but...
But he couldn't lie to her. He had reached the end of the rope. He had no where else to go. He loved 18, and he just couldn't keep anything from her. Not forever anyway. Sooner or later he knew he had to tell her. Though he was sure she would hate him afterwards. But maybe that was for the best.
18 couldn't believe her ears. Her?! It was her. She didn't know whether to be hurt that he was blaming her or relieved he was finally talking to her about it. She chose the latter. She never could stay mad at that little man of hers.
"What about me?"she encouraged slightly. He sighed and sat next to her. He grabbed her hand and began the only way he thought he could.
"It's just you're so beautiful."he began slowly, "and I'm just not. I..."
"Not this again."she almost whined, she was tired of having this conversation. They must have had it hundreds of times. It killed her that he always went on about this. Krillin's doubts in himself was a part of him 18 truly hated. Why did he think this way? She had married him right? Didn't that show him that she loved him. She guessed not. "I'm tired of this Krillin." Why was it so hard for him to believe her?
Discouraged Krillin released her hand and looked at his feet. He should have known this would happen. She hated it why he told her she was lovely and he didn't deserve her. It was true so he didn't understand what made her so mad when he did. He went to leave when she pulled him back.
"No don't. Just keep going."she said. If she didn't let him then they would never solve this. She would never get to what was bugging him. She couldn't risk that. Still discouraged he didn't bother to explain the rest. He just jumped head first into the heart of the problem.
"18 look at us."he almost yelled, two years of pain finally finding it's way to the surface. "We're no good for each other. You need a real man, and I-"
"I have one."she interrupted quite rudely. In reality she found this whole thing utterly ridiculous. Was she expected to just sit there and hear him say how she needed someone better? That was not going to happen.
"You don't understand."he yelled standing up. She followed suit.
"What? What don't I understand?"she countered just as loud. "You are insecure and take me for some kind of shallow jerk who doesn't care about you. Why do you think I married you? Because I was bored."This surprised them both. They had never argued in their lives. At least not with each other.
"Don't you get you can do better, and it kills me knowing that I'm what's holding you back. That I ruined your life."he explained getting louder
"Why? Because of how you look?"she mocked her volume also increasing.
"Yes. No. It's not just that."he tried to elaborate, but she wouldn't hear of it.
"So by your twisted logic, I would be happier if I had shacked up with Vegeta and not you."she was screaming now. "Is that what you want for me? To be with a guy like that who bad mouths me, hates me and tried to kill me?"
"You're not getting it at all?" his voice was losing power as hers gained it.
"If that's what you think will make me happier than maybe I should run off and sleep with the next arrogant, conceited jerk. What's better than being some random guy's one night stand just because he's hot?"she stopped there. She couldn't take. How could he think she was so shallow.
"Don't you see the way they all look at us. I can't stand it anymore."he yelled regaining power, "I can't stand people looking at me like some perverted old freak because I love you. I hate not being able to go anywhere without being judged on the way I look. I hate that everyone in this whole world blames me for being deformed. I guess it's fault my mother was a drunk and my father shot heroin. I just think you need better. All those hateful stares ruined my life, I don't want yours ruined too."
His eyes were watering again and he had to breath deeply to keep tears from falling. But he had said it. He had finally said it all. She finally understood why he couldn't be with her anymore. She would leave now, no one would want to be part of this tangled mess with him. Not even her.
"Krillin."she whispered, "I thought you were better then that." She held his hands. He looked into her eyes and saw, of all things, disappointment. Still she sat him down and held his hands while he calmed down. She wasn't mad. A little hurt, but not mad. Smoothing back his hair she wiped his eyes, and put her forehead to his.
"You and I are above that."she finally whispered against his lips, before kissing him. "Why would you ever care about the opinions of people who will never matter to either of us?" He sighed and pulled away slightly to look into her eyes.
"It's not that I care about them, I just can't take it sometimes."he looked at the back of her hand and began tracing designs with his pointer and middle finger. "You are so perfect in every way. Beautiful, smart, strong, determined, to me there's no one on earth more amazing then you are." He laughed then, looking toward the ceiling.
"And then just when I think you can't get anymore wonderful you do something that proves me wrong. It's like everyday with you has surprises. I love living this way. I love being with you."he was full of the life 18 always loved right then. But suddenly his eyes went dark.
"Then there's me. Ugly, scared, clumsy. I'm everything you're not. My whole life I've wanted someone like you. I just never realized that it would mean the other person would be burdened with being with me. I'm no good for you. I can never give you what you give me." With that he finished. He dared to look in 18's eyes. Perhaps she was anger or hurt. Maybe she was enlightened and would leave him. What he saw though he didn't expect. She seemed sad, disappointed even.
"Krillin," she started, "You really can't see yourself clearly. Can you?"she shook her head sadly.
"Yes, I can."he answered taking back his hands, "I'm short. I'm ugly. And I'm a waste of space."he said firmly believing his wife to be mocking him. How could she? After he told her that?
"That's because you're looking through the wrong pair of eyes."she explained. He looked at her curiously as she turned the lamp next to their bed on. She looked at him and smiled. "Everything's fine."she commented. "I see nothing wrong."
He sighed, "18 stop trying to make me feel better. I mean look at me."
"I am Krillin."she said her smile gone and her face serious. "I always am. And do you know what I see when I do look at you." He looked away shaking his head. She reached over and made him face her.
"18-"he began only for her to interrupt.
"No listen."she commanded, "Listen very closely, because I'm only going to say this one time. I repeat, I will never say this to you again. Only because if you ever forget what I'm about to say then you will no longer be the man I married and I couldn't stay with you. Understand?"Slowly he nodded.
Gently she ran her hands against his own and up his arms. "What I see is two gentle, but strong arms that hold me every night when I sleep. Hands that hold my own. That massage my back and shoulders after a long hard day. That have smoothly traced every curve and outline of my body and fingers that have run through my hair to many times to count. All of these, sensations I hope I never forget."he blushed at the playful smirk this brought to her lips.
She slid her hands up to his neck and traced his muscles. He blushed deeply as she did and she continued. "I see a neck that I've cried against. One that I've kissed and nibbled. One where I found comfort. Comfort enough to sleep against on the coldest of nights."she ran her hands to his chest. He remained silent and watched her.
"Then I see the chest I have slept on. One I've spent nights cuddling to. One that holds the beating heart of the man of love. A heart that's beat is matched only by my own when we kiss or cuddle in our bed. A heart full of more love than all of world combined."She smiled as his blush deepened. He opened and closed his mouth a few times as if to speak.
"18, I-"he never finished, her hands pressed his lips shut as they went from his chest to his face. She gently ran her hands all along his features and smiled as his blush turned his head and neck almost completely red.
"Here I see two lips that have kissed away my pain, whispered sweet nothings in my ear late at night. The place where I can hear all the amazing things you've ever said to me. Two lips I know better then my own."She moved her finger, "Here is where there should be a nose, but instead it's just an area to touch that forces such a sweet sound from my two beautiful lips." she smiled as she heard him stifle the laugh that threatened to escape his mouth. "And where most of that adorable blush I've come to love can be seen."
"18, stop it."he protested weakly as her fingers became tangled in his hair. She ran her fingers through slowly as he tried hard to stop blushing. He back away from her only to end up on his back. She climbed above him, her fingers still wrapped in his mane.
"I see this fur like mess of hair that I run my fingers through whenever I can. The one you grew just because I didn't want you to be bald anymore. Surprisingly you listened to me when I told you that." She straddled his stomach as his laughs finally got away from him. She smiled as she moved her hands to the sides of his face. Her smile was gone and she was serious again. His smile fell too.
"Then I see these."she whispered looking into his eyes. "These beautiful onyx orbs. Two windows into a soul so alive and so lovely that it could only belong to you. Eyes that have held nothing, but love for me since we've met. Eyes that dance when you're smiling, and betray every emotion imaginable to man. Eyes that make the deepest black look bright." He swallowed hard as she surveyed the form that was beneath her own.
"Krillin, every part of you has wonderful memories that we've shared, and I see each one every time I look at you."he smiled as her words sunk in. They had spent most of the last three years together. Looking at her he could think of a million different memories attached to every part of her. Whether it something they did, or something they'd shared it was there. Good and bad, and every one of them made her look all the more beautiful.
"Is that...Is that really how you see me 18? Every time you see me?"he asked pulling her closer needing to feel her near him suddenly.
"No, I see much more then that."she smiled again, "I see the man I want to spend my life with, the future father of my children, the man who cared for me when I had no one, who spared my life and then saved it. I see the man I wake up with every mourning and I see the one who forgave and trusted me when there was no reason to. Most importantly I see a man who has held nothing but compassion and unconditional love for from the day we met."
He couldn't hold it anymore. He had been trying all day, and couldn't any longer. The tears he held all day began to fall as he pulled his wife into a long passionate kiss. He knew now it didn't matter what the others thought, it never would. The only one whose opinion mattered was right here in his arms and he never had to worry about failing in her eyes. He knew he never would.
Finally breaking apart for air 18 gently moved her mouth next to his ear and said. . .
"In my eyes you will always be the most beautiful man in the world."
That's it. That's all. No more. My first one shot is complete. I think it sucks actually, maybe you have better opinions of it. But try and be gentle. I bruise easy.