Part of the Radek Zelenka ficathon (welovezelenka LJ community). Written for lj userterrie01, who wanted any pairing of any type; snuggling and snark; and no MPREG or angst.
Thanks to Rose Wilde Irish for the betas and suggestions.
"We are stuck."
"We are not stuck."
"Rodney," Radek repeated patiently, "we are stuck."
Rodney didn't even bother turning around to glare. "We are not stuck, Radek. Have a little faith in me."
"I am the only one who does," Radek muttered under his breath.
"What?" Rodney said over his shoulder.
"I said," Radek said, "we are stuck."
"Clever observation, Dr. Zelenka," Rodney snapped. "Get over here and hold this."
"It will not work," Radek sighed, but went to Rodney's side to help anyway. "We should call Major Sheppard-"
"No." Rodney was adamant. "How many times has he rescued us within the past three weeks? I'm not going to listen to him go on about how inept we are again."
"Then Dr. Weir-" Radek began.
"Radek," Rodney said, slightly patronizingly, "I know you have a crush on Elizabeth-"
"And you do not?" Radek returned, annoyed.
Rodney ignored him. "But she's sleeping with Sheppard. We call her, she'll call him. It's part of the whole... whatever they have. Screwed up power struggle cuteness. It's creepy, frankly."
Radek let the fact that Rodney McKay had used the word "cute" slide. Instead, he offered: "Teyla, perhaps?" At Rodney's look: "Or Sergeant Bates?"
"Radek, we're on our own," Rodney said, trying to sound authoritative and final.
Radek gazed at him dubiously. "We should have brought with us Sergeant Stackhouse," he said.
"Should've, but we didn't. Fine. Next time, we drag him along. Any other regrets I should know about?"
Radek thought for a moment. "I should have had the oatmeal instead of the egg for breakfast."
"Ow!" Rodney jumped back as sparks flew. "Dammit."
"I said it would not work."
Gritting his teeth, Rodney said, "I can't feel my hand."
Radek gave him a blank look. "I am calling Dr. Weir," he said finally, taking out the radio.
"Yes, Dr. Zelenka?"
"Rodney and I are stuck in a room in the northern part of basement level three."
Radek swore he heard Dr. Weir sigh. There was some silence. Then: "Yes, we see you. I'll send Major Sheppard, Lieutenant Ford, and Dr. Lemans to retrieve you."
Rodney said, "I told you-"
Radek continued loudly, so Dr. Weir would not hear Rodney, "Also, Rodney hurt his hand trying to fix the door. Please send medical personnel."
That was definitely a sigh, Radek was sure. "All right, Dr. Zelenka. Sit still for a while."
Rodney was shaking his hurt hand, apparently trying to get feeling back into it.
Concerned, Radek asked, "Is it serious?"
"How should I know? I hope Elizabeth's sending Carson. That nurse, the blonde one, I swore she gave me the wrong shot last time-"
"Nurse Andering is a very capable woman," Radek interrupted.
"Great legs, though," Rodney said, smiling.
Radek scowled. "You do not listen to me, do you?"
Rodney ignored him and sat down on the nearby bench, still holding his hand. Radek sat next to him, gazing at the offending door.
"I told you this door was different from others," Radek said.
Rodney gave him a dirty look. "Yes, I remember."
"Really?" Radek raised an eyebrow. "You did not say anything when I spoke."
Changing the subject, Rodney said, "We might as well figure out what this room is for while we wait for Sheppard and Ford to gloat their way to our rescue."
"The door secured immediately when we entered," Radek said. "Perhaps because of the room's function?"
"Very likely," Rodney acknowledged. "But this room doesn't look much different from the rest. A bit sparse. Smaller than most."
"There must be a way out from inside," Rodney said decisively. "The Ancients wouldn't create a one-way room-"
"Unless it was a holding cell," Radek offered. "A jail, of some sort, perhaps."
Rodney didn't say anything. Radek took the silence to mean that Rodney agreed with him.
Minutes ticked by. It would take Major Sheppard and Lieutenant Ford at least thirty minutes, even with the transporters, to reach them, Radek knew.
"Is cold," Radek said finally.
Rodney looked at him for a long moment. Then he sighed, scooted towards Radek, and put his non-injured arm around Radek's shoulders. "Better?"
Radek burrowed a bit into Rodney's side, which was unexpectedly warm. "Much. Thank you."
He hadn't expected Rodney to reply, but was pleasantly surprised when he heard Rodney sigh again, this time with a vague, "You're welcome."
A few more minutes of comfortable silence passed this way.
Eventually, Rodney said: "We really need to stop doing this. Getting stuck together, I mean."
"I do not mind," Radek replied, his voice slightly muffled against Rodney's shirt.
Rodney paused. "You wouldn't."
But his voice was affectionate when he said it.