In the immortal words of The Wuuf: BEHOLD!
Episode 1: Breaking Stormwind
Stormwind: Once mighty home of the Alliance, reduced to a burning husk. Few survived the calamity. Only the strongest… the smartest… or the ones with parachute cloaks. "Parachute Cloaks FTW!" Schweitzer said as he landed. For the moment, it appears that our party has only one survivor…
The priest in question the looked to whoever is reading this story and told them "Kids, Parachute Cloaks are awesome!" He then pulled out a piece of paper and pencil. "I'm going to add them to my "List of Things that are Awesome"" Said list so far read "Things that are Awesome: 1. Tiny Plaid Miniskirts 2. Parachute Cloaks" He continued to walk through the ruins of Stormwind. "It's a short list. But we can all agree that it is extremely awesome."
Partially bald, with a tabard depicting a kitty's head with a horde anarchy symbol spray painted on top, Schweitzer was not a sight to see. Somehow that didn't stop him from having made out with every female character on the server (Even the Horde!). Now that his rant about parachute cloaks was over the realization of what had just happened hit him. "Hmm, something's different about Stormwind… OMG! STORMWIND BLEW UP AND I'M THE ONLY SURVIVOR!" He then cheered, for now the horde raid was gone. Then the realization that the humans were gone too hit him, and Schweitzer cheered again. Then the realization that all the female humans were gone hit him. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
As Schweitzer continued to scream to the heavens, Flintlocke walked up to him. The dwarf instantly recognized his fellow party member and waved: "Doc! I n'ver though Id see ya again!" Schweitzer looked to him and pointed an accusing finger. "You did this Flintlocke! You destroyed Stormwind!" "I know, aint it beautiful?" "How did you survive the explosion anyway?" "Well ya see, uh first I uhh I dunno." The priest sighed, "Great the only survivor of the catastrophe besides me isn't an incredibly hot women but you." "Ya got that right! Just 'us men 'ere, now we can do tha' manly stuff I always w'nted ta do!" Flintlocke replied.
Then a familiar figure faded into existence, it was a small creature obviously a gnome. He wore a tuxedo and the completely useless hat of the archmage he had looted twice. "Lowping, you're alive?!" Schweitzer yelled. "Me wee buddy!" Flintlocke added. Lowping then began to explain. "You see, when I discovered the bomb was going to destroy Stormwind, I promptly logged off World of Warcraft and waited for the explosion to end before logging back on." Our party's priest stared in aw. "Lowping, that's genius!" "Indeed. Uh oh, I've got a business meeting in London. I'll just go AFK for a few months. Farewell." With a ping he returned to his regular macro scriptkiddy self. "Make noise from head." Lowping announced. "That's tha' wee buddy I know n' love." Flintlocke told him.
The Gnomish rogue then began pointing and jumping while yelling "Ctrl+Alt+Delete" over and over again. Confused, Schweitzer and Flintlocke looked in the direction he was pointing and saw half covered in the rubble was Kathrena. She laid in the fetal position muttering "Everything died." caused by her as well as all night elves love of nature to an almost creepy point in some cases. Flintlocke walked up and instantly bragged "Kathrena look! I blew up all of Stormwind!" This only caused the elf to burst into tears. "What's 'er problem?" Flintlocke asked. "Probably some hippie nature thing, at least she's not backstabbing and looting the cockroaches that survived the explosion like scriptkiddy over there." Schweitzer said while motioning to Lowping.
Once Kathrena stopped sobbing over the loss of all the trees that were in Stormwind she got up and explained what had happened. "You are probably wondering how I survived. Well its simple, I'm too hot to kill, to sexy to die." "Ya' got that right." Flintlocke told her. Kathrena then slapped him. "So, I guess we're the only survivors." Schweitzer said. "Cockroach no Phat Lewtz US$ plz." Lowping added. "So, did you ever complete that stupid quest?" an unknown voice said.
The four party members turned around and they're eyes widened. "BLOODROSE!" They exclaimed in unison. "Yep, I teleported to IF when I realized you were going to use the ultimate goblin engineered weapon and destroy us all." The power gamer told them. "Mages pwn." Schweitzer commented. "That we do. So where do I turn in the quest." Bloodrose asked. "Tha' king a' Stormwind." Flintlocke responded. "Did he die in the explosion?" "Ya." "Then how do we turn the quest in?" "I do'nt see yer point munchkin." "YOU CAN'T TURN IN THE QUEST IF THE QUEST GIVER IS A PILE OF SMOLDERING ASH!" Bloodrose yelled at him. "So?" Flintlocke asked. Unable to take the stupidity anymore the mage began to scream her lungs out.
Schweitzer then stepped in as a mediator of sorts. "Guys, I spend a lot of time hiding while you guys fight the mobs and it can get pretty boring. So I read the quest text." "OMG!" "Freak!" "Noob!" The various members of the party yelled at him. "So anyway it said "If Flintlocke destroys Stormwind then turn the quest in to Demolitionist Legoso on Bloodmyst Isle." A smile formed on Flintlocke's face. "Demolitionist… I like 'im already!" Kathrena looked interested as well "Isn't that the place with all the Dranee?" She asked. "Its Draenei, don't you people ever read the lore?" Schweitzer said. "OMG!" "Freak!" "Noob!" they all said in unison to him. "Who 'ares, if they like blowin' up stuff 'en lets go." Flintlocke then began to march off towards what he believed was the direction of Bloodmyst Isle. "You're going the exact opposite direction." Bloodrose told him. "So?" "ARRGH!"
[Of this Episode…