I don't own the X-Files.
But I do own this poem, please don't take it I have this thing about my poetry, I don't share it often, and well this is the first time I'm using something from my collection and putting into a story, but I felt it fit, so be gentle, but honest. Please enjoy and tell me what you all think. This takes place sometime in season seven, before the
Mulder had just arrived at the basement office looking around to find it empty, his partner nowhere in sight. Looking to his watch he saw he was half an hour early and decided to get started on one of the files, hoping to find something interesting for them to do. As he shuffled through a few files that were now on his desk he noticed a small book fall from the edge of the desk to the floor.
He quickly looked around contemplating weather or not to open it. As if god himself spoke and told him, Mulder opened the book and looked through a few of the pages. Most were random notes Scully had made during a few observations over the last few cases, but the last page to have been written in was something far different. In the corner was his name followed by the words 'If You Only Knew' written in the middle the rest below looked to be a poem and as he read it he wondered if it was meant for him.
If You Only Knew
If I were to tell you I love you,
Would you push me away?
Or would you hold me close
and tell me you felt the same?
If I were to tell you what I thought about,
Would you call me crazy?
Or tell me you felt the same?
The same thoughts of us.
If I were to kiss your lips,
Would you deepen it and let me in?
Or would you back up in shock?
Unsure If I was ok.
Would you ever consider me yours?
And not just as a friend,
But something far more,
Could you ever look at me,
like you look at her?
Would you ever talk about me,
Like you talk about her?
Going on and on about how great she is,
Because if you would,
I rather not think about what would happen if you would,
Because I know you won't,
But still if even for a moment,
Would you consider me yours?
You've made moves on me before,
But I've pushed you away,
Not because I don't want you,
But because I don't want to get hurt,
If you could promise me a chance, a try,
Just to see if we belong,
I would let you kiss me,
But I don't want you to hurt me,
And I don't want to hurt you,
I don't want a kiss and that's it,
I want to see where we can take this,
I want to see if we belong,
If nothing works out,
I don't want to loose you as a friend,
Because loosing you would be worse than kissing you and running,
I will always want to be your friend,
I'm scared to let you kiss me,
Knowing that if we pursue a relationship,
And something goes wrong,
I will loose you, and things will never be the same,
If I told you how I felt,
Would you tell me you felt the same?
Or would you let me live my life knowing I made a mistake?
Do you feel the same?
Or is all we're meant to be is friends?
I must know when it comes to you,
I don't want to loose you,
But I also don't want to live my life with you so close,
Yet so far,
Look into my eyes,
And tell me the truth,
Kill my desire to know what you want,
But don't make me suffer much more,
Kiss my lips,
And agree to see how far it will go,
Or give me the same old 'Guy hug',
And tell me we're fine the way we are,
I won't be mad if things stay the same,
I hope by telling you this nothing is ruined,
I know that your friendship is more important to me,
Than some stupid feelings I have for you.
So I beg you tell me with a kiss or a hug,
If it be the kiss,
Let us see how far we can go,
If it be the hug,
Than let's agree never to talk of this again,
What I have for you will always be love,
Always the love of a friend,
It's your choice to ignite the flame,
And choose if the fire of my love should spread.
Mulder closed the book and thought about what it had all meant, if the poem was indeed for him, and he was sure it was, after all his name was written above it, then he wanted to give her his answer right away, but if it wasn't for him, he would end up making a huge fool of himself. There was not much more time to think as Scully walked into the office, she quickly began looking around frantically, Mulder opened a drawer and shoved the book in it before she saw he had it. There was only one way to find out if she had written it for him.
"are you looking for something?" he asked as she panicked moving aside a few files.
"my little journal. It's a small brown leather little thing. I think I lost it and that thing means the world to me." she said turning to her desk searching for it.
Mulder had had enough, he quickly got up from his seat, turned her around and quickly forced his lips against hers. Either he was giving her his answer or proving himself to be a huge idiot. As he pulled away she looked at him oddly and was ready to punch him, he could tell her left hand was forming a fist, maybe he was wrong.
"what the hell was that for?" she asked looking at him as if she could kill him. Good thing looks can't kill, or he would have been a dead man.
"I found this, earlier this morning." he said walking over to his desk and pulled out the small journal. Her evil look fell and he noticed her hand had relaxed. Suddenly an expression passed her face he thought would have been embarrassment.
"you read it, didn't you?" she asked looking to her feet as though a child would who had been caught playing videogames when they should have been doing homework.
"it fell and I just wanted to see what it was, then I found the page. I'm sorry." he said handing her the small book.
"it's ok, I'm glad it's off my chest now." she said pulling him in for another kiss. His arms wrapped around her waist and held her close, this was something he could get used to.